Breathe Out (Just Breathe, #2)(33)

“Jared,” I call sternly while trying to maintain a low voice as I exit the bathroom and close the door behind me.

“Get the f*ck off of me, man,” Jared shouts.

“I told him to block you,” I confess.

“What the hell, Kitten?” Jared’s steaming with anger.

Before I answer him, I see Nathan and Pop-Pop in the doorway. “Maggie needs us to be calm right now!” I say through gritted teeth. “This is not about you. This is about Maggie.”

I see Jared’s body surrender quickly; his face softens once he registers my words. I know that he cares, but his heightened state isn’t going to help Maggie.


“I’m good.” Jared throws his hands up in the air. “I’m good.”

“Is she okay?” Nathan searches.

“She will be . . . in time,” I offer as my gaze ventures to the floor.

Jared surrounds my body with his. “What happened? Why isn’t she in the hospital?”

Water forms in my eyes and the lump in my throat returns, not wanting to utter the words. “She doesn’t need a hospital. It will only make it worse.”

“What worse?” Nathan searches.

“Mm . . . mis . . .” I can’t bring myself to say it.

“What?” Nathan inquires.

“Miscarriage?” Jared questions with heartbreak.

I nod confirmation.

“She was pregnant?” Nathan says quietly in disbelief.

“What do you need from me? What does Maggie need?” Jared explores, pulling my attention back to him.

“Just be here, be calm,” I instruct.

A knock on the open bedroom door draws my attention. “Ms. Emma, I have the tea,” Ava sweetly announces, walking in and placing it on the nightstand.

“Thank you, Ava.” I greet, trying to dry my cheeks.

I look to Joe and he nods, confirming my thoughts. Henry knows and is on his way home.

“The bed is ready for Ms. Maggie,” Ava politely declares.

“Thank you,” I mumble. I turn and head back to the bathroom. Wrapping my arms around Maggie, I help her finish dressing and make sure she looks presentable.

As we’re a few steps into the bedroom, Jared cautiously scoops her up and carries her the rest of the way to bed. With Maggie in the middle, Jared is to her left, followed by Nathan. I’m to her right as she curls into my body and Joe is to the right of me. Sadie carefully wedges herself between Joe and me and Pop-Pop sits in one of the chairs placed by the window that he moves to the edge of the bed.

Maggie manages to drink most of the tea before falling asleep. When she rotates and snuggles into Jared, I slip out of the bed to call Kim because I don’t know what else to do, if there is anything to do other than just be here for Maggie. I don’t return to Maggie right away after speaking with Kim as my brain tries to process the events that just took place. At some point, Ava hands me a cup of tea and then disappears.

Away from everyone, my heart begins to ache and I allow the sadness to take control of my body. My eyes sting as the tears drip. My lungs burn as they suck in each gulp of air. If it hurts this much to know I just lost a family member who hasn’t even been born yet, I can only imagine what Maggie must be feeling.

I’ve never seen Maggie like this and I feel like I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and useless. How do I help her? How do I help my grieving friend? Why did this have to happen? Maggie is a good person. She doesn’t deserve this. Henry doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this. This is exactly why I don’t let people in. The pain is unbearable. I can’t breathe.

The sound of something smashing against the wall startles me. I didn’t even realize I threw the tea cup until my hand burns from some of the scorching liquid splashing on it.

“Emma,” a soft voice calls from behind me as a warm hand touches my back.

“No!” I shout, yanking my body away from him.

“Emma,” he consoles, trying to pull me closer.

“No!” I yell again in opposition. My arms curl around my chest as I violently pull my body away. I fall to the ground as he forces me against him. “No!” The tears rush down my face and I can feel my body trembling from anger and remorse.

My hands ferociously push him away, but I can’t seem to break free. He holds me tight, not willing to let go. As hard as my brain is fighting for control, my body eventually surrenders to him. I uncontrollably weep into his chest as my hands grip his shirt and my body trembles. I don’t care if Joe sees me like this. I need him and his arms wrapped around me. I don’t care if my friends see me like this. I need to be comforted, I can feel it, and if I deny myself it right now, I fear what I may do.

By the time Kim gets to the house, Kim, Maggie, Ava, Sadie and I are the only ones in the bedroom — all the men give us privacy. My mind fogs over as I helplessly watch Kim check Maggie. Kim hands me a piece of paper, but I’m unable to read it right away. Ava kindly takes it, keeping it safe and secure for when I’m ready to handle the next step. I walk Kim out and she confirms that Maggie will be okay in time. Most of the challenge is not physical — just grief from the loss. She recommends more tea and says she’ll bring some more ingredients and other things later.

Ava brings up some fruit and tea as everyone gets settled back into the bed with Maggie, except me. I wrap my arms around my legs, sitting on the chaise by the balcony window. I barely notice when someone comes over to check on me. I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep. From time to time, I glance over at the bodies in the bed. My eye catches movement and I see that Joe is awake. I quickly look away, not wanting to invite him or anyone else over.