Breaking Away (Assassins, #5)(90)

“Go.”

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly as he started after Claire.

“Don’t be,” she called out at him as he rushed down the hall. It was hard to find her in the sea of dancers but when he did, he was behind her within seconds, trying to get her to stop, but she wasn’t having it. She ignored him, tears rolling down her cheeks as she rushed through the convention center and then through the door, across the street to the hotel that they were staying at. He didn’t want to cause any more of a scene then they already had, so he followed her, slowly dying inside because she was crying so bad. He tried to gather up what he was going to say, but she was right. He was a liar. Yes, he was a grown man, but he promised he wouldn’t pursue things with Reese and he did. God, they had just fixed things and now this. Why wasn’t he honest before? Why didn’t he just admit what was going on?

Following her into their room, he pulled his beanie off and threw it on the dresser before turning to look at her.

“How could you? You promised!”

He let out a breath, running his hand through his hair before pushing it to the side. “It wasn’t supposed to happen, I know that, but I shouldn’t have to answer for what I do in my private life. Yes, I am wrong for lying to you, Claire, but it really doesn’t affect you.”

Throwing her hands in the air, she screamed, “Are you serious? Yes it does! When you break her heart, like you do every single f*cking woman that has ever been in your life, she’ll hate me! I need her. She makes me a better dancer, and she believes in me!”

“That’s bullshit! I have not hurt everyone in my life!”

“Yes, you have! Grandma, Mom, Alana, and me! You can’t stay true to anyone! I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long with me but lookie here, f*cking up, like always.”

He took a step towards her, anger bubbling in his chest as he stood toe to toe with her. Everything she was saying was shit but by the defiant way she was looking up at him, he knew that she believed it and that blew his mind. How could she? After everything he had done, after all the ways he had shown he loved her. What had he done wrong?

Taking in a deep breath, he pushed back his tears as he said, “Everything I have done has never been with the intentions of hurting any of you! I did what I had to do!”

“For yourself!”

“That’s not true! I always thought of you guys. I sent money all the time.”

“Yeah, that’s all we were, a payoff, so that you felt better about yourself.”

That hurt. Trying not to flinch at her words, he said, “How can you say that? That’s not true at all. I had no choice, Claire. I had to get out when I did before they ruined me. I always thought of you and—”

“No!” she screamed, and he actually jumped. Tears fell in heaps down her cheeks, her lips wobbled for only for a second before she was glaring up at him. “You never thought about me. You never thought about how leaving me with Mom was going to affect me! You don’t know half the shit I went through. How I had to fight off men to keep from being touched! How I had to beg people for food, because she spent the money you sent on drugs and anything else she needed. How my grandmother couldn’t bother to care for me. How I had to fight to keep dancing just to feel normal. You never called, you never came to see me, and you just left—”

Her words stopped as a sob ripped through her. She dropped to the ground, holding herself as she took in a deep breath. Tears blurred his eyes as he watched her. Fight off men? Beg for food? Was she f*cking kidding him? How could his sister do that to her own daughter? Why did she fight him so bad to keep Claire when it was obvious she didn’t want her? How could he have been so blind, so stupid? Why didn’t he fight harder?

Looking up at him with her beautiful blue eyes drowning in tears, she whispered, “You didn’t f*cking care and now, you get stuck with me again. I was starting to believe that you did love me and that you did want to do what was best for me, but then the one thing I ask for you not to do, you do. I don’t want to lose her. You took Alana from me, and now you’ll do the same with Reese.”

Squatting down in front of her, he reached out, placing a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t flinch away; she only looked up at him with the eyes of a scared child. Words couldn’t express his hatred for his sister at that moment, but also the hatred for himself. He was so selfish back then, but he was a kid too. He didn’t know any better then. He was too caught up in his own life, trying to make sure he was good and normal, that all he did was send money and hope that worked, that it made things better for them, but it hadn’t. He had a hand in ruining this girl, and he would forever try to make up for that. He had to but, first, they needed to set some things straight because they couldn’t move forward if she couldn’t let go.

“I didn’t take Alana from you. She took herself. She chose her dad over me, which is fine, but don’t blame me for her. As for all the accusations you have said, they are all false. I did try to fight for you, to try and get you, but Claire, I was a kid. Maybe I didn’t fight as hard as I could have, but when I did, the courts wouldn’t give me custody, and your mom wasn’t having it. She liked the money I sent more, and I am so sorry for everything you have been through. If I could, I’d find every piece of shit that tried to touch you and make them pay, but I can’t. I’m sorry for that, you have to know that,” he pleaded, looking deep into her eyes, begging her to see how much he loved her. “You have to believe that I am here now, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, and you have to let go of all this anger you have against me. I have done everything to make you happy. I have worked hard to give you all the things you need to succeed, and don’t you see that you are?”