Breaking Away (Assassins, #5)(120)
She shook her head and reached for the cake and bags from the back. “Nope, just feeling shitty.”
“Cause you miss him,” she said, and Reese looked over her shoulder at her. She stood by the car, watching her, and Reese couldn’t lie.
She slowly nodded her head as she said, “Yeah.”
She knew that Claire was going to say something but thankfully, Piper came up to them, taking the cake for Reese. “Shit, you’re super late!”
Reese shrugged as she took in her beautifully made up sister. “Sorry, I couldn’t get my hair to look right.”
Piper scrunched up her face. “Did you even try? Jesus, you look like roadkill.”
“I love you more,” she said, moving past her sister and into the house. She was greeted by Elli in a tight hug and then her mother. As she hugged her tightly, she noticed that everyone was already there, even Harper’s surrogate, and that meant that she was in fact very late. When she saw her sister sitting in a big, white chair that was decorated with blue balloons and other baby things, a smile pulled at her lips. Presents surrounded her, and she was glowing with happiness. Reese had always looked up to Harper. She was always the person she talked to, the one who was there for her when shit hit the fan.
She remembered when Harper couldn’t settle down and wanted to be with anything and everyone with no cares in the world. She used to think that Harper was nuts because at the time, Reese wanted the husband, kids, and white picket fence. When Harper met Jakob and fell hard for him, she remembered asking why. Harper said that it got old being lonely, and that everyone wanted that one person that could be there for them no matter what. Jakob was that guy for her and when Reese met Kevin, she thought he was that guy. She thought she had found her prince like her big sister but she hadn’t, so she turned to the life that Harper had left, thinking that was what she wanted, but like her sister she was learning that being alone sucked balls.
When Harper met her gaze, her brow rose before she stood, coming over to her. “What in the world are you wearing?”
Reese smiled as she shrugged. “I feel like poo.”
Harper’s face quickly turned to a concerned mother as she cupped Reese’s cheek. “Are you sick?”
She shook her head, cupping Harper’s hand. “No, just having one of those weeks.”
Harper smiled. “It happens to us all. It will get better, don’t worry.”
She hugged Reese tightly before flashing her a grin, turning to go back to her seat, but Reese stopped her. She looked back at Reese questionably. It became hard for her to swallow as she looked into her sister beautiful brown eyes. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you. Maybe we’ll be throwing one of these for you after Elli gets done popping out her hockey team,” she said with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
“Shut up,” Elli scolded as she smacked Harper’s butt playfully.
Harper laughed as she looked back at Reese, and then her laughter came to a stop. “And I wouldn’t have this if it wasn’t for you. I would have never gone with a surrogate if it wasn’t for you.”
“I would do anything for you,” Reese declared.
“I know you would because when you love, you love with everything inside you,” she said with a wide smile. “Don’t hold it all in, Reese, let it out. You’re so gorgeous when you are smiling and lately, you’ve been stunning. We all know who to thank for that, huh?”
Before she could answer, Elli pulled Harper away so that the festivities could start. As she watched everyone gush over Harper, Reese could help but think how right she was. She felt amazing when she smiled, and lately the only reason she smiled was because of him. The same person she pushed away because of her fear. Reaching in her pocket for her phone, she pulled up his text thread and went through their whole relationship. At the beginning, it was only sex… but then it turned to more. They talked about their days, about Claire, about the future. When she came to the bottom, to the last text he sent her, her eyes welled up as she read his words.
I can’t wait to see you. I’m on my way.
He had sent that before he came to get her for the party. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard and she begged herself to write something, anything, but her fingers refused to move. She hated how this all was making her feel. She wanted to be with him, but she was scared that it could come crashing down and she would be left with nothing. But she was left with nothing now, so really, what was she supposed to do? Take the chance, give him everything and hope they worked, or live a life of loneliness because she was pretty sure if she couldn’t give her heart to Phillip, she wouldn’t be able to give it to anyone.
The baby shower went great, or at least it seemed it had. Harper got everything she needed for a little boy, and she could see the excitement on her face from the corner she sat in. She wished she would have been a little more involved, but her mind was completely flooded with thoughts of Phillip. She needed to figure out what she was going to do. She fought with the need to text him and then decided that it would probably be best to just talk to him face to face, but she wasn’t sure what to say once she was there. And then the fear of rejection was there. He said he wouldn’t wait and she didn’t blame him one bit, but it would kill her for him to reject her. But then what if he did take her back… then what? Did they go on the way they had? She didn’t want to get married right now, or maybe even ever. She didn’t want kids, she just wanted him and Claire, and was that even okay with him? Was that enough? There were so many questions, and she needed to figure out what he wanted and hoped that it matched what she wanted. She handled the other day completely wrong. She acted before thinking and now, she had nothing.