Bound by Bliss (Bound and Determined #2)(18)
“That is not why your brother wishes you wed. And I had to persuade him that I was a suitable choice.”
She knew better than to believe that. “I do not believe you.”
Another sigh. “Your brother does wish you wed. That is true. He wants you to be as happy as he is. And I did have to persuade him that I was suitable. He knows me too well, my faults as well as my virtues. He was not at all sure that he wished me for his sister.”
Could that be true? Perhaps part of it, but she doubted he was telling her the whole story. “It doesn’t matter.” She turned away from him, even if her wrist was still caught. The stones from earlier in the evening began to once again pile in her belly. There was so much temptation here in this garden, here with this man, but she must turn it all away. She might be a Danser, but she knew better than to believe that giving in to temptation led to reward; grabbing for what you wanted was the surest way to end up with nothing, which didn’t stop her from reaching and wishing every single time. But not this time. This time she would be smart. She would look for a husband who would not challenge her, who would let her continue as she wished. And that husband would never be Duldon. “Please let me go. I am calm now.”
He lifted her wrist and she could feel him staring at the connection between them. “I will let you go, but first tell me what I must do to have you give me a chance, to prove that I can be the man you once asked to marry you, to show that I can be a good husband to you.”
Again she felt the strings of temptation reach for her, but she pushed them back. He was not talking like himself and she would not be fooled. Even in his tender years, when she’d felt so different, he had been a man of few words. His smile could recite poetry, but never would the words form sound. This man before her, who asked her questions, asked what was needed, this man she did not know. “Let go of me first.”
“And you will not run.”
A hesitation. Did he need to control every situation, every moment of time? “No, I will not run—or walk. Let me go and I will do my best to answer.”
She could see his mind working, trying to decide if she spoke the truth, trying to decide if trust lay between them as it once had. The answer to that was not clear even to her. Part of her thought to flee as soon as possible—and the other? The other wished to know what he would say, wished to know how far he was willing to go. She’d long ago given up fairy stories of knights and damsels, but her heart still longed for such an ending.
He lifted her wrist until their arms formed a bridge between them. His gaze held hers as he sought something in her face. Then with a nod he released her, their wrists both falling to their sides.
Should she turn and flee? The question hovered, but she made no movement. She could claim it was because he still stood between her and the great house, but that was not the truth. He would let her pass. Why she was so certain was not clear, and yet she was. He would let her pass, but her feet did not move.
Her eyes traced the path of white pebbles that led from the edge of the trees, through a bower of roses, and then up to the terrace that edged the glass doors to the ballroom. It would be so easy. There was nothing stopping her—and yet her feet still did not move.
Fairy stories.
The thought moved through her mind, once and then again. Fairy stories. A quest. But that would be too simple. It must be a quest that could not only never be completed, it must be a quest that could never even be started. She would force him to back away, to realize how unsuited they were.
Taking a step forward, closer to him, she paused. “You want me to tell you how to win me? Is that what you want?”
“You see yourself as a prize, do you?”
“No, I believe it is you who sees me as a prize. I merely see myself as a woman who enjoys her freedom and has no desire to tie herself to a boring, staid man.”
His eyebrows rose at her words and his lips thinned. He clearly believed her words no more than she did, but he said nothing. His gaze dropped to her feet and he watched as she moved over the scant space between them, measuring.
“I need you to prove to me that I can trust you. And also to prove to me that you will not keep me from doing what I want, that you will let me have adventures even if you do not approve of them.” Her heart felt as if it would leap from her chest.
“How can I possibly do that? Do you want me to arrange for you to race a curricle to Richmond, or perhaps you feel the need to gamble away your dowry? Or is it as simple as letting you twirl as fast as you can for hours on end?” He did not sound pleased.
Why was his list so similar to the list she had thought of herself a mere hour or so ago? “No, I have a specific task in mind. One that should not prove hard, if you should choose to pursue it.” She smiled up at him, doing her utmost to look the innocent young lady that she still was in truth.
“What?” He was not persuaded of her innocence; if anything he seemed more doubtful.
“It’s really very simple. I had a dear friend who was forced to leave London before she could fulfill all the promises she made me. She understood my natural curiosity and, being a married woman, was in a position to help me. Now that she is gone I find myself at a loss. She left me with a desire to explore that I cannot fulfill on my own—a desire that, if I am honest, and it is difficult to be, this evening has only increased.”