Bound by Bliss (Bound and Determined #2)(15)
He took a step forward. She took one back. A high tree rose behind her and there was not much more room to maneuver.
“I can understand why you would feel that way. It was a long time ago and yet I have always felt there was a special connection between us. I was wrong to ignore it for years, but I am ready to give it a chance. Why won’t you?” he asked, his tone reasonable even if his eyes, sparkling in the moonlight, told another story. “As you’ve said, I am a desirable marriage prospect, so why not?”
Her hands slipped behind her, examining the rough bark of the tree. She let her neck fall back until she stared up at the darkness of the branches twining overhead, a spiderweb of wood and leaves. Why not? Why was he worse than any other choice? Deep within her she knew the answer, but she refused to open that door. “Perhaps I simply do not wish to marry, to give up my freedom for the yoke of a husband.”
Moving forward a half step, he left her no room to move. “I do believe that, but given that you must take a husband, why not me? You are here seeking Lady Perse’s invitation, are you not? So clearly you are seeking a husband other than myself. Why?”
A dozen cutting remarks came to her lips, but she allowed none to escape. Why? Why was she so determined to marry any man other than Duldon? And did she owe him an answer? “Does it matter? I do not wish to wed you. Is that not enough of an answer? Why do the details matter?”
Reaching out, he ran a fingertip across her collarbones. “I can assure you the details matter. If you had your heart set on another or found me most distasteful, I might be persuaded to drop my suit, but as neither of these seems to be the case…”
A shiver took her at his touch, but she fought it off. Lifting her head, she stared straight into his eyes. A mistake. A thousand worlds shimmered there, worlds she had never explored. No. That too was a mistake. It had to be. This was Duldon. She knew him, knew too much about him. She repeated the litany she tried to teach herself. He was dull. He was boring. He had to be. It was important that she hold on to this thought. If she thought differently she might begin to care—and that could not be allowed. He was boring. He was dull. He was boring. She repeated this thought again and again, hoping to make herself believe it. “I still do not see how it matters. Why would you want a wife who does not want you? How can the reason matter when you are not wanted?”
“Enough.” Again that tone of command filled his voice and she felt the need to obey. “You are growing repetitive. Either give me a solid reason why we should not be wed or accept my wishes.” His fingers traced up her neck until they could wrap about her chin. “You are meant to be mine. Why can you not accept that?”
“And you say I am repetitive.” She worked to hold her voice steady, fighting the urge to agree. “I am not yours. I belong only to myself. That is reason enough for me not to wed you. I do not want a husband who sees me only as a possession.”
“I see you as so much more than a possession, Bliss. Why can you not trust me as you once did?” he growled, something in his voice reminding her far too much of Lord Banks and what she had witnessed only minutes before—and what she had witnessed those years ago. She could feel the heat begin to rise upon her skin again, and could only hope that Duldon could not see her flush, or feel the rapid rise and fall of her breasts.
“But I do not trust you. Whatever I felt as a child, that is the truth now,” she said flatly, hoping he would not demand more of an answer.
He took a half step back at her words but did not release her chin, his eyes still boring into hers. “I do not know what happened to change your feelings. I know I have not been as attentive as I should have these past years, but can you not forgive my lapse?”
If only it were as simple as that, if only she could go back to a time when life was simple, when all it took was caring and trust, when she had no idea that betrayal was possible. “I think not. And it doesn’t matter anyway. I will find my own husband, one who allows me freedom and adventure. I will not marry a man who thinks balancing his account books is the height of entertainment.”
“You are not a child, Bliss. And you know me better than that.”
Perhaps she once had, but she had long conditioned herself to think otherwise. She would keep Duldon in the box she had so carefully put him in. Dull. Restrained. She would not think of the other possibilities, would not remember how well she knew the man was anything but restrained. She forced herself to speak calmly. “Then don’t treat me like one. If I am a woman, give me a woman’s choices. Even the peasants decide whom they will wed.” She knew that was not true, just as she knew how little choice women of her class often had.
“You know better.”
She pulled in a deep breath and could not mistake how his eyes dropped to her bodice for just a moment as her breast pressed tight against the lace edging. Lord Banks had stared at the woman, at Julianna, in a similar manner. Did Duldon have such thoughts about her? No. The very thought was preposterous, and yet that strange ache began to grow deep in her belly at the crux of her legs. “I know that I don’t want to be wed to a man who…who…who…” Blast, why could she not think of a single thing to say? “Who doesn’t even want to kiss me.”
Chapter Four
As she watched, Duldon blinked—and blinked again. His lips began to quiver, a strange sound leaking from them. “Not want to kiss you?” His lips parted and the sound began to sound remarkably like laughter, deep belly laughter. And then he grew still, his fingers tightening about her jaw. “Why would you think I don’t want to kiss you?”