Bound by Bliss (Bound and Determined #2)(14)
She dug her nails into her palm, but still she did not demur as Duldon opened a glass door at the end of the hall and led her out into the starlit garden.
“Why are you talking to me like this? You never talk to me about anything besides horses and fields—and certainly not the way you are talking about horses at present.” It was easier to talk than to keep wondering why she was following along obediently. She knew this could only lead to trouble.
“It is time,” he answered.
“It is time? What does that mean?” She was not going to let him get away with such a nonsense answer.
“It means that it is time. I do not see what is so complicated about that.” He led her through the rows of flowers close to the house and then farther into the darkness beneath the trees.
She stopped abruptly. The dark of overshadowing branches hid the stars and only the murmur of distant voices and the faint sound of the orchestra told her they were not alone in the world. “I want a real answer. Why are you talking about such things? And why did you follow me? Why do you care at all? And marriage? Why me? Surely there are a dozen or more young ladies who would be happy to marry the Earl of Duldon. Why choose me?” In an instant every question that had flitted through mind since her brother had first spoken of Duldon’s intentions spurted from her lips.
“I am talking about such things because I believe you are finally old enough.”
“I’ve been old enough for several years now. If I listen to the whispers in the corner I am almost too old.”
He smiled, his eyes softening. “You are definitely not too old, and perhaps I should say instead that I am finally old enough. I am ready to settle and take a wife. It would not have been appropriate for me to pursue you before I was ready to do the honorable thing. Tonight I followed you because I wished to speak to you. Which, I am sure, is why you chose to flee. I have always cared for you. Do you doubt it? And I am sure your brother has mentioned that there is a piece of land that I want returned to the estate. Have I missed any of your questions?” He turned and stood, looming above her, cutting out even more of the faint evening light.
She fought not to roll her eyes at him. She did not find any of his answers satisfying and she certainly did not wish to be married for a piece of land. “I will repeat, I have been old enough for several years now and you did not speak to me then about anything except whether the wheat was molding in the fields. I do not deny that you cared for me as a child, but it has certainly been years since you chose to demonstrate any such caring beyond watching me from afar. You are several years older than I and I certainly do not believe that you felt a need to mature before deciding to continue whatever relationship we had. I happen to know that you’ve been mature for quite some years now. And if the land really is your concern I am quite sure that my father would accept any decent offer for it. I refuse to allow myself to be involved in such a transaction. Actually, if you asked my father, rather than my brother, it probably does not even need to be a decent offer. You could probably offer him a pretty pair of goats and he’d agree. So why marry me?” Bliss felt a sense of great relief as the speech left her mouth. It was wonderful to finally put words to the thoughts that had filled her mind these last days, and some of the tension that had been building within her for the last hour wafted away. She turned from Duldon and stared through the trees at the barely visible stone wall that marked the edge of the property and sheltered it from the busy street. It was amazing how a few trees and a high wall could make her feel so separated from the mass of humanity that filled the city. What was happening on the other side of that wall? Were there street sweepers still out? Were the lamps lit? How many carriages rumbled by in any given minute?
“Where are you wandering to in your mind? I always know when you are trying to avoid thinking about something. I can almost see into your brain as your mind moves to something else. Even when you were little you’d start to think about raindrops or biscuits if your brother wished to discuss something you did not want to.”
Why did he have to know her so well after all these years? And why did he have to remember? And how did he know that she was trying to think about walls and trees rather than the questions that stood between them? “I was not thinking about anything other than how much I’ve come to dislike you these past years. Offer my father the pair of goats and go find yourself another wife.”
He laughed. It was quiet and low in his throat, but there was no mistaking the sound. “But I don’t want to find another wife. Who else would compare herself to a pair of goats?”
The man was simply exasperating. There was no other word for it. “You are not listening to me. I do not want to marry you.”
“You did once.”
This argument they’d had once before, right after Swanston told her his plans. “I was twelve. It was ten years ago. I have never considered you a stupid man, but to think that my feelings would still be the same is plain silly. And you never gave any indication that you wanted to marry me then. And to be honest, I am not sure that I truly wished to marry you even then—I seem to remember wanting a horse, not you—but even if I did want to marry you, I have changed my mind.” She placed a hand on each hip and stared at him, letting her emotions show clearly on her face, ignoring the heat that raced through her at his closeness, at the dark that held them together as surely as any actual bond.