Boarlander Boss Bear (Boarlander Bears #1)(39)

When the dirt cloud cleared, he was pacing up the road, then back, eyes panicked. His blond hair was spiked up like he’d been running his hands through it, and he was heaving breath as though he’d rushed over a great distance. His gray eyes were bright, but not with panic or the inhuman side of him. He just looked…scared.

Audrey rolled down the window. “Are you okay?”

“Turn off the engine!”

Okaaay. Audrey put it in park and cut the engine.

“I can’t do this if you can just leave, or drive around me, or…get out. Please, Audrey, get out so I can think.”

Audrey wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt and kicked open the door, then got out gingerly.

“I hurt you, I hurt Harrison, and I hurt the Boarlanders. I was so shoved up my own ass with my problems, I couldn’t see that until now.” He paced away again, scrubbing his hands down his jaw.

“I don’t understand.”

“No, no. You understood everything. I didn’t.” Clinton sat heavily on a boulder on the side of the road and buried his head in his hands. “Just wait so I can figure this out. It’s too fast, and now it feels wrong that you’re leaving. This whole time it’s all I wanted, but…” He stared at her, shaking his head back and forth like he couldn’t believe what had unfolded. “I don’t know if it’s because you’re Second or if it was that awful sound from Harrison’s throat when you drove away, but I’m not okay with you leaving.”

“Well, I’m not okay with you leaving!” she barked out. “And I don’t want to play this game. The who-deserves-to-be-here-most game. It hurts, Clinton. It hurts me, it hurts Harrison, and deep down, I think it hurts you, too. You won! You pushed everyone away, pushed most of Harrison’s bears out of the park, and now you’ve pushed me away from the only man who has ever really understood me.”

“I didn’t want that. I couldn’t remember—”

“Clinton—”

“I couldn’t remember how it was! I had that. What you and Harrison have, I’ve been there.”

“What?”

“I’ve had people and lost them, and it’s my fault they aren’t here with me anymore, Audrey. I’m cursed, and in my own f*cked-up way, I was trying to protect you, Harrison, Bash, and most of all…” He swallowed hard. “Most of all, I was trying to forget how great being paired up can be.”

“Oh God, Clinton.” She sat on the rock next to him, shoulder to shoulder, overlooking a pine valley. She stared at the sunrise and sighed. “I’m sorry about your loss, but you can’t run from feeling. You’ll hurt the people around you even worse than you’re hurting yourself.”

“Yeah, I figured that out. You just came in and shook everything up, you know? I’d finally got to a point where I felt okay, and then you came along and Harrison wanted to turn the park upside down.”

“No, Harrison wanted that before I came along. He wants to make a good crew, Clinton. Where you are right now isn’t where a good alpha would want you to be. Harrison isn’t using change as a weapon. He’s using it as a cast to fix what’s been broken until you can stand on your own again.”

Clinton huffed a laugh and picked up a stick from the ground, then broke it in half. “Come back,” he said in a barely audible voice.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Clinton shot her a glance, then broke the stick in his hands again. “Come back and help him become the alpha he’s meant to be.”

“And what about you?”

“I won’t run. I’ll stay. I’ll try. Just…come back. I don’t want Harrison cut off at the legs because of something I’ve forced. I’ve got enough guilt to shoulder without an annoying…admittedly badass…tiger shifter added to the pile.”

“I did kick your stumpy tail.”

Clinton snorted. “It was a close fight, and I was taken off guard. At least, that’s what I’m going to tell the Gray Backs.” He chucked the broken stick over the side of the road. “Willa’s going to lose her shit when she hears the Boarlander Second is another lady shifter.”

“I don’t know anything about being a Second, and I’m not even pledged to this crew, so any time you want to challenge for it, just say the word,” she muttered, squinting against the rising sunlight.

“Nah, I think I’m gonna let this one ride. I’m not okay, and it’ll hurt the crew if I climb the ranks right now. Come on.” Clinton stood and dusted the seat of his pants, then offered his hand to help her up.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Is this the part where you push me over the side of the cliff and drive my Jeep into a lake somewhere?”

Clinton gave a tired sigh. “Don’t tempt me, tiger-lady.”

Cautiously, she slid her palm against his, but he only helped her up and then jogged to her Jeep. “I’ll drive. I can get you to Harrison faster.”

“Okay,” she murmured, utterly astonished at the turn her life had suddenly taken.

Was this real? Could she keep this life she’d found, nestled in the heart of Damon’s mountains with people who actually understood her? Could she keep the man she loved?

Cautiously, she opened the passenger side door as the ignition roared to life. “Clinton, if this is some kind of trick—”