Blind Kiss(39)

His mouth dropped open like he was going to say something, and then he shut it. My eyes filled with tears.

We were still clutching hands over the table, staring. “I love you too, Penny.” He smiled, a small, tight, humble, and loving smile. An expression I’ll never forget.

“All right, let’s go, dork.” I pulled him out of the booth while simultaneously wiping tears from my eyes.


THREE WEEKS CAME and went, just like the snow had come and gone. It was the end of college for me. I had passed my written finals and only had my dance recital left, which would officially allow me to get my degree. Everything was looking up, and the future seemed promising. Ling was going to med school in California in the fall, but we still had the summer in Fort Collins. Gavin was going to take one more class over the summer for his English degree and then he would be on the job hunt, like me.

I saw him a lot in those three weeks; I actually spent a few nights out with him, Ling, and Lottie, like we were on a freaking double date. Lottie was pretty dull, in my opinion, but then again, maybe I was just jealous.

On the night of my performance, I saw Joey outside the auditorium arguing with Doug. “What’s going on?”

Joey turned to me, fuming. “I failed the fucking written.”

“What?”

“Calm down,” Doug said. “I’m going to let him retake it.”

“He’s the best dancer in this program,” I argued, though it wasn’t totally true.

Joey was just shaking his head.

“Come on, let’s go warm up,” I said to him.

He followed me to the backstage door. I stopped on the sidewalk when I saw my family walking up. Kiki had the biggest grin on her face. I think she was relieved not to be the center of attention, for once.

“I’ll be there in a minute, Joey. Don’t sweat it, man. We’ll show him onstage.”

He didn’t respond. Instead he shot me a pouty look. I hugged my dad, who was practically jumping out of his shoes. “Hey guys!” I patted Kiki’s head. “You should be able to get great seats. You’re pretty early.”

“Your dad insisted on getting here an hour early, even though Kiki had to miss a piano lesson,” my mom said.

Jesus. Can’t I have just one night?

“I’m just excited to see my girl dance,” my dad chimed in, breaking the awkward moment. “Your mother is, too.”

“Awh, thanks, Dad.” I gave him another hug and then hugged my mom awkwardly and thanked her for coming. I was still annoyed by her comment but she was here. That was all that mattered.

I saw Ling and Lance walking up to the auditorium. Lance gave me a squeeze and then immediately went up to my dad and started talking shop with him as they walked inside. Ling and I remained on the sidewalk outside the auditorium.

“I didn’t know you were coming with Lance. Are you guys . . . together?”

She scoffed. “Are you kidding? He’s obsessed with you. We drove here together and he wouldn’t stop talking about you the entire way over.”

“Wait. No. Really?”

She rolled her eyes. “How have you not noticed? By the way, I saw Gavin and Lottie in the parking lot. They’re on their way in. It looked like they were fighting or something, though.”

“I think they’re always fighting.”

“Gavin’s not exactly easy to get along with.”

I furrowed my brow. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. He’s dramatic and all over the place.”

“Yeah, but I like that about him.” I checked the time. “Sorry, I gotta get in there and warm up.”

“Aight, break a leg, sister.” We fist-bumped. I smiled as she walked away and I headed to the backstage area to warm up. All of my favorite people were there, and they were about to see me do my favorite thing in the world.

Everything up to the performance was a blur. I was so nervous but before I knew it, Joey and I were next to go on. I peeked from behind the curtain and saw my family, Lance, and Ling in the front row. I searched for Gavin and noticed him and Lottie in the back row, standing in the aisle. They were whispering animatedly and waving their hands around angrily. Suddenly, she stormed out the back auditorium door and he spun around toward the stage, shaking his head as if to send me some subliminal apology. He turned and took off after Lottie, letting the heavy door slam as he left. Luckily, the dancers on stage weren’t fazed by it.

But I was.

He was gone.

“Ready?” Joey asked, taking my hand. He seemed to have calmed down.

“Yeah,” I squeaked.

Gavin was gone.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Isn’t that what he had said?





17. Five Months Ago


PENNY

Frank got much worse very quickly. One night, Gavin called me to tell me Frank had been unconscious for twelve hours.

I felt helpless as I rocked Gavin on his dad’s couch. He sobbed into my shirt. It was three a.m. and he was totally exhausted. “He doesn’t feel any pain,” I whispered.

Gavin couldn’t even speak. He was in my arms, letting loose guttural noises from his chest, like he was trying to push out all the feelings from his body. I always thought about how hard it would be to watch your spouse lose a parent, but Gavin wasn’t my husband. I would eventually have to leave him there . . . all alone, in that house, neither one of us knowing when Frank would take his last breath.