Blind Kiss(44)

“Really, Buckley? You fucker!”

“He likes this lawn,” Penny said, laughing. “He shits on it every morning.”

I huffed. “I know. I can’t believe you leave it.”

“I thought it would give you something to do.”

“You’re helping your grieving friend by making him pick up moist dog poop every day?”

“Well, does it make you mad?”

“Yeah, it does.” She came walking up to the porch and sat down next to me while Buckley stayed on the icy lawn.

“Perfect, then I have successfully redirected your anger. Now, tell me why you’re sitting out here in the cold.” It was the end of February so it was still pretty chilly.

“It’s hard to be in there sometimes.”

“I can understand that. But it will go away, trust me.”

“I’m not staying here, Penny. I’ll rent it out or sell it, but I’m not staying—it’s too hard. We’ve already talked about this. As soon as I go through all my dad’s stuff, I’m going back to Denver.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t bug you about it anymore. Let’s talk about something less loaded. How was your date with Briel?” She grinned devilishly.

“Ha! As if she didn’t tell you herself. It was two dates, actually. We got coffee the first time and then I saw her band play the other night. She’s a great singer.”

Penny was nodding. “She is. But do you like her?”

I shrugged. “It’s hard to know how I feel. I know it’s already been two months, but Dad’s death is still so fresh in my mind. I’ll say this: Briel’s nice, I enjoy her company, and she’s decent looking.”

She elbowed me in the ribs. “You’re so shallow. She’s beautiful.”

“She is beautiful. Not like you, though.”

“So you’re gonna go out with her again?”

“Yeah, I guess. I like her accent. The way she says my name, Gaveen. And her visa expires in three months.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Is that a plus because you know you won’t have to commit?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

She elbowed me again.

“No, we had fun. She came back to my apartment after the show and I played her some songs and she sang along. But they don’t mean anything.”

“The songs?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you sleep with her?”

“Penny,” I warned. The fact was that I had slept with Briel, but it was awkward as hell. Not passionate. It felt like she was fawning over me. She told me tall American men were like unicorns in her country. I guess it did make me feel good, but the feeling was short-lived. I’d take go-carts, celibacy, and Penny over Briel any day.

Penny and I still had a spark that couldn’t be snuffed out. All the plans I’d drawn for the life I thought we’d have together were playing out in some parallel universe. Even if I was stuck in this stupid version of us, where she was encouraging me to go out with other women, I knew there was a Penny and Gavin living as a couple out there, right along beside us.

Penny shivered, and I put my arm around her. “Wait, did you say your apartment? When did you go back to Denver? I didn’t even notice you’d left.”

“I just went for the day last Saturday. I don’t tell you everything, you know? Anyway, you’re the one who pushed her on me. Now I think she’s in love with me. I guess her mom’s coming to visit and she wants me to meet her.”

“Wow, that was fast.” She stared straight ahead. “And for the record, I didn’t push her on you. I just suggested you date her to take your mind off things.” She huffed. “I should get going before you-know-who sends a search party out for me.”

“Wait, let me play you something. Have you ever heard the song ‘Joy’ by Iron and Wine?”

“I don’t know that I have,” she said.

“Let me play it for you. I’ve been listening to it a lot, and it reminds me of you. I appreciate what you’ve done for me and I want you to know it.”

“I’m sold. Play it.”

I started strumming and singing:

Born bitter as a lemon, but you must understand That you’ve been bringin’ me joy “Stop!” She cut me off. She was crying. “Stop, please.”

I put down the guitar and took her in my arms. “It’s true, Penny. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know how I would have gotten through these last two months.”

She sniffled and we held each other for a long time.

“Penny!” I heard her husband yell from their lawn. “Are you out here?”

She jumped up and grabbed Buckley. “Shit, I have to go.”

She walked briskly down the street, ankles cracking, knees popping. I stood on the sidewalk and watched. I heard Penny yelling but knew I shouldn’t get involved. I loved her, after all. What was I supposed to do?





20. Fourteen Years Ago


PENNY

Lance came to almost every single one of my physical therapy sessions in between finals and graduation. I was trying to rehab my knee but progress was slow. Almost every session ended in frustration, but Lance had the patience of a saint.