Blasphemous (Torn #3)(77)
“Did I do something wrong? Are you mad about Jacques? I did tell you that the date was already agreed upon before we made this arrangement.”
She did. This violent feeling should be mine to handle, but I was barely managing to contain it. “I’m jealous that he had his hands all over you while I got to watch it all happen. I didn’t like feeling like that.”
Noting my anger, she fired back, “Don’t you think that’s odd that you would be this way, when it was only a few days ago you were with Nikki in Berlin?”
“I already explained this to you. I was surprised when she showed up. I didn’t invite her there, Emma. She invited herself.” I retorted back with the same intensity as earlier.
“It didn’t look it to me, but whatever.”
Was she insinuating that I was lying? “You know, Emma, if you have something to say, then say it.”
She became silent, but when she spoke, I was in the hot seat. “How often did you wake up with her?”
A different feeling was now sprouting out of me. Fear.
Carefully, I spoke, “A few times a week. She would always come by past midnight when she couldn’t sleep.” I paused, having a hard time uttering the next words. “But I only had sex with her a few times.”
At the rate my heart was going, I was quite sure I was a breath away from a heart attack. Even if she wasn’t saying anything, I knew the words pierced her. However, I always aimed for honesty with Emma and I wasn’t going to start lying now.
Her next question proved how she thought my relationship was with Nikki. “Were you guys happy? Did you guys have fun?” Her voice was so little, it didn’t fail to make me feel like a heel.
“We had our times, yeah, I guess.” Nikki was always asking me to go places. Since I was mostly depressed with thoughts of Emma, Nikki’s fun-loving presence was welcomed. Now, it seemed that Emma was having a hard time digesting all the new information. If she had the same answers for me, I would feel exactly as she did, but I was a coward when it came to the truth as the subject pertained to Emma. I’d rather stay in the dark than open the Pandora of doubt and jealousy because, at the moment, I was already having a hard time dealing with the men who were after her here. Knowledge about men getting intimate with her would push me to commit murder.
Yeah, it was irrational to think of such violent thoughts, but it was how I felt. I was entitled to it, too, damn it. Emma, I learned months ago, was vital and dangerous to my very existence. Having gone through the process of losing her, though, I’d rather be ignorant and be with her than know and lose my mind over it.
“Emma… will you say something? You’re getting me worried here.”
“Are you in love with her, Bass?”
That tiny, broken whisper really worried me, but her question was untoward. How could she ask me such a thing, after what we’d gone through? “If I did, do you think I’d be here?”
She didn’t respond to that. Was she serious? “I’m not in love with her, Emma!”
“Okay, Bass.”
She didn’t sound okay. In fact, she sounded like she was crying. So I moved closer, my arm cradling her head as my lips spoke, inches away from her ear. “Emma… I was never in love with Nikki. I know you heard it earlier, but you’re having a hard time understanding since your imagination is running a marathon of scenarios made out of lies. She meant nothing to me.”
She sniffed before giving me a shaky response. “I just need time to process… that you had a relationship with someone. I just… that’s all. Go to sleep, Bass. I know you’re very tired. Have a goodnight.”
I felt helpless, but what was I to do? Things happened with Nikki and if I could take it back, I would gladly do it. I was too hell-bent on moving on and getting over Emma that I never stopped to realize that it was never going to happen.
I just hoped that it wasn’t too late to fix my broken relationship with Emma though.
Pulling her close to my chest, I held her as she silently cried in my arms. “I’m sorry for all the pain, my love. It was always you that I loved and no one else.”
She barely nodded, crying until sleep finally caught up with her. I stayed up a few more hours, holding her as tightly as I could as I listened to her breath softly. Hoping she wouldn’t push me away and say goodbye.
“I love you,” I whispered against her neck, smelling her until sleep called on me.
B
I slept next to her for the next week, but it seemed we didn’t have any progress when it came to communication. Each time I tried to talk to her, she would give me that fake smile and pretend everything was fine.
We were on the last leg of the tour in London. We shared a room, still unbeknownst to everyone, even to Dimitris.
Emma was in the bathroom getting ready for the premier tonight when my phone rang.
Nikki.
Releasing an exasperated sigh, I answered the call. “Nikki.”
“I’ve missed you, Bass. I’m having a hard time with this break-up. I feel like you’re just so confused at the moment since you’re around her, but it’ll go away again once it’s over. Why don’t you think this over carefully before ending us?” she rushed out, almost breathless.
Nikki was becoming a problem. I made it perfectly clear before we got involved. She knew what she got herself into. “Nikki—”