Big Easy Temptation (The Perfect Gentlemen #3)(64)

She’d moved on . . . mostly. She’d known three years ago that she was giving up Dax and his warm, loving family. She hadn’t realized how much it would hurt the first time she’d seen Judith Spencer and the woman had turned away from her, her aristocratic head held high and tears in her eyes.

She’d kept up with Gus. Her crazy friend was doing so well in D.C. Every now and then she caught sight of Gus following after Roman and Zack and her direct boss, Liz Matthews, as they all got out of Marine One or Air Force One or whatever amazing transportation they happened to be taking.

Not that she answered Gus’s phone calls. They had been numerous that first year. Gus had left message after message complaining about a lack of information from Holland’s side. She’d told Holland she wanted the truth. Holland couldn’t give it to her so she’d ignored her friend.

It had worked. After about a year, Gus had stopped calling.

She didn’t have Courtney anymore, either. It was funny. She hated the woman and missed her at the same time. Once Courtney had eloped with Dax, Holland hadn’t had a friend to talk to. Maybe it hadn’t mattered. After her split with Dax, she’d gone into her shell and hadn’t come out. Not even for Chad. Oh, she’d gone through the motions, tried to wear a brave face, but she’d held herself back from everyone and everything that happened around her. She’d done her job, gotten through the days, and tried hard to convince herself she was falling in love.

Why hadn’t she simply said yes to Chad? She wasn’t going to get a better offer. At least she could have had a life with him. Now she was a walking cliché—well over thirty, sad, and never been married. Maybe she ought to get a passel of cats and start hoarding.

“I’ve got to go get ready for that meeting. I’ll present for both of us. Why don’t you take an early lunch,” Gemma said with a pat on her back. “No one will mind. And hey, come out to the house this weekend. We’ll barbecue and relax with my monsters by the pool.”

Gemma winked, then strode to her desk to gather her files.

One by one, all of her coworkers left the room to join the meeting. Every single agent who walked by sent her a sympathetic glance or smile. Within moments, she was all alone and everything seemed far too quiet.

This was the way her life would be from now on. Quiet. Uneventful. She could see it so clearly. Despite what the others had said, Chad had been a nice guy. Maybe he had been looking to further his career. Who wasn’t? But she couldn’t believe the man would have married her simply to gain favor with her uncle. No one attached themselves for life to another person for the sake of a few rungs on the career ladder.

She flipped open her laptop again and the video began to play. Everyone looked so happy—except her. God, was this clawing emptiness all she could expect in life? She’d thought it would fade over time but no. Would she live the rest of her days unable to accept love or joy because it hadn’t come from one man?

“You know, I think I should start a support group for men who’ve been turned down by Holland Kirk. It’s getting to be a sizeable group, so we could have meetings and form our own twelve-step program.”

Holland froze in her chair, her stomach knotting. She’d know that sexy, gravelly voice anywhere. Had she hallucinated that voice in a desperate attempt to maintain some connection to the man she’d loved and lost?

Please let that be it. Because she was going to be mortified if Captain Dax Spencer was actually standing behind her, watching her complete and utter humiliation play out on the web.

“This is my favorite part,” his voice whispered. “Right there. That’s when that guy’s soul kind of died. You can see it. Hey, at least I didn’t get all dressed up for my big moment. You look nice, though. Somehow you manage to look gorgeous even when you’re breaking a man’s heart.”

She thought about not turning around. All she had to do was stand up and walk away. She never had to look at his face. She would go to the meeting room. Her boss would deal with him. Hell, she could send Gemma out and see how Dax dealt with Xena: Warrior Princess.

Or she could be an adult.

She sucked in a bracing breath, then turned to him. Dax lounged against her desk with a smirk, looking like a decadent god. He wasn’t dressed in his normal neat khakis, but well-fitting jeans and a white T-shirt that hugged his muscular torso. He held a helmet in one powerful hand and his hair was longer than it had been before. He looked slightly older, a little harder, and so beautiful it hurt to look at him.

“Maybe you can recommend eloping with my best friend to all my sad-sack men?” Okay, maybe she wasn’t capable of acting like an adult in front of him.

“Well, sweetheart, your best friend wasn’t a betraying bitch who accepted money in return for torching my family.” His lips had curled up in a nasty smile. “And she was way better in bed than you ever thought of being.”

God, where had her sweet man gone? Dax hadn’t been capable of this kind of nastiness before. That was precisely why she’d never been able to truly turn him down. He hadn’t been ruthless or capable of throwing someone under a bus to get a little farther down the road. He’d certainly never been capable of being so mean.

“Well, I was very sorry to hear about your divorce. Really, after how much time you put into the relationship beforehand, I would have expected you to last a whole extra day or so.” She’d always been capable of being mean, especially after circumstances had forced her to tear out her own heart. The anger she’d felt afterward festered and brewed under her surface, but she tamped it down. Usually.