Big Easy Temptation (The Perfect Gentlemen #3)(60)

And she would love him forever.

His lips thinned to an angry line. “What are you saying, Holland?”

“I think you know. Who called you? Was it Zack himself?”

He shook his head. “Roman.”

Of course. Roman did Zack’s dirty work. Always had. “Did Roman tell you it was my fault?”

“Of course he did. Though you should know it was Gus who found it.”

Holland’s knees nearly buckled. God, she hadn’t thought about the fact that she was going to lose them all. Gus would never forgive her. Sure, Gus seemed like a happy, fun party girl who guarded her friends and family like a momma bear. But once she’d been branded guilty, Gus wouldn’t speak to her again, wouldn’t call and force her to go to lunch or to parties. Holland knew damn well Gus wouldn’t ever allow her to see Judith Spencer again.

God, she was going to miss them. But every single one of them would be alive. That’s what mattered most.

“I should have guessed. She’s a smart cookie. I thought I could get away with it.” She forced her voice to sound arctic cold. Inside, she desperately wanted to cry, but she couldn’t give him a hint that she wasn’t anything but a mercenary bitch.

Dax stood, staring for a shocked moment. “I don’t understand. Tell me what you did. Tell me in plain English.”

He wasn’t about to make this easy for her. He never did. She was going to have to sell it. “When I realized you were completely wrong about your father, I had a decision to make. I’m not going to ruin my career for you. I’m not about to be the idiot agent who let some man drag her down. I’m smarter than that. Besides, any woman you end up with is going to be a cipher, Dax. She won’t exist except as an appendage to you. Same with any of your friends. Do you think I’ve forgotten how Joy was treated? She was my best friend and when she died, all anyone could talk about was how her murder affected Zack’s fucking campaign. No one cared that she was gone as long as he won the damn election.”

Sometimes it was easiest to tinge the lie with a bit of truth. She really had felt that way about Joy’s death. No one had celebrated her sweet friend’s life or really even mourned her death. They’d simply talked about how her assassination had been a mistake since they’d obviously wanted to kill the senator and wasn’t it a shame. But hey, three days later, the senator had become the president. Then no one had given a damn about Joy Hayes anymore.

Yes, she was still angry about that. She could use it.

Dax paled. “That is blatantly untrue. Something in Zack died when Joy did. We all loved her. We all still grieve for her. Don’t pretend we didn’t care about her.”

“It doesn’t matter.” It really wouldn’t. No one would care what she thought after Dax believed the worst of her. “Whatever. The thing is, you can’t expect that I would stay with you long-term. I explained this to you years ago. I’m not going to be tied to someone with the paparazzi following him around for the rest of our lives. I don’t want that lifestyle.”

Again, a little bit of truth. That possibility had always scared her.

“I’m more than a damn lifestyle, Holland. I’m a man. I thought you realized that.”

Now she had him. She’d hit him where it hurt and it was working. “Lately, I’ve been thinking that the apple never falls far from the tree. You’re the son of a pedophile. I tried . . . but I can’t get past that.” She shrugged like it didn’t matter, as if her whole world wasn’t crumbling with every word. “Since I don’t think I can build a future with that sort of man, I decided to get something out of it and make you my paycheck.” She gave him a slightly apologetic glance. “I hope you understand. I just don’t think I can love you.”

His face flooded with red. “What did you say to me?”

“You heard me.” She couldn’t say it again. It had hurt too much the first time. “I sold those pictures because the public needs to know the truth about your father. These stupid conspiracy theories need to be put to bed. Your father did everything he was accused of. That includes his suicide.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I explained, Dax. Look, it’s been fun and I like you, but I can’t damage my career so you can pursue some stupid fantasy that your daddy wasn’t a criminal. I would love to spend more time with you in bed. You’re spectacular, but I don’t think you can be more than that to me. Besides, if I go public as your girlfriend, no one will take me seriously as an investigator anymore. I’ll be just another dumb bimbo, one who quite frankly couldn’t do her job properly.”

“Meaning?” he bit out.

“I investigated. I found the truth. Let it go. This case is closed and it won’t be opened again. Period.”

That was as baldly as she could put it. She wasn’t going to risk Dax’s life so he could vindicate his father, because according to those photos, the admiral had been guilty as sin.

“So you didn’t want to go public as my girlfriend? Oh, sweetheart, you don’t give me enough credit. I’m so much stupider than that.” A nasty grin twisted his lips up. He reached into his pocket and came back with a glittery engagement ring. Her heart nearly stopped. “I wanted to be your husband. I meant to propose with my grandmother’s ring, but obviously that’s never going to happen. I thought I could convince you to come away with me tonight. I was going to get out of the Navy in six months and take a job with Zack so we could be together all the time. I wanted to have children with you, to raise a family and have a life with you. What a fucking fool I was.”