Beyond What is Given(112)

The air was sucked from my chest. “Grace, I’m so sorry.”

“Stop. Stop now. I have heard enough.” Her hands slammed onto the table, and her plate jumped. “We broke up, Gray, for very good reasons.”

“We wanted different things. Ironic, right? That’s why Sam won’t try.”

“I wanted you to go out and discover your dreams, and maybe I wanted that for me, too. We’d been best friends since we could walk, and loved each other all through high school, and when I looked around, my entire life wasn’t just built around you, it was built on you. I had no idea who I really was unless it was in relation to you. Breaking up was the right move to make, despite that love we felt. You and I both know it wasn’t the kind of love we crave—the kind of love we both need.”

“That’s not true. I loved you.”

“I know, but you staying here all these years? There was love, but there was way more guilt than you needed to bear. You were driving. We argued. Owen’s truck came up on our left side. I remember…seeing him flip us off with a grin, his finger pressed up against the window, but you were too busy concentrating on the road. He cut us off, hit the guardrail. We…went over.”

“Do you remember anything after?” I cringed. Please don’t.

She stared off into space for a second. “No. We hit the water. Then I woke up here…and then they took me home, but I’d be back here pretty often. Knowing that despite your right to walk away, you never even told anyone we’d broken up.”

“It seemed wrong. Like I’d be using your accident as some kind of excuse, and I couldn’t abandon you like that. Owen was going to jail, and there was just me.”

“Humor me. How do you love Sam?”

My eyes narrowed. “Really? You want to go there?”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Really. I was your best friend long before we started throwing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing in the mix. Now, talk.”

I raked my hands over my hair, but gave in.

“She frustrates the shit out of me, pushes me past my comfort zone. She breaks down every wall I have with no permission or apologies. She turns me into a lunatic just to get my hands on her, and when I do…” I closed my eyes. “She owns me. It’s not that I’m not capable of being me without her, but I’m better with her. Because of her. She’s the only possible future I see for myself, and that’s what scares the shit out of me.”

My eyes closed, and I swallowed back the fear I’d lived with since the moment I saw Grace awake. The moment I knew Sam would walk away.

And if the roles were reversed? I would have kicked, clawed, beat the shit out of anyone to keep by her side, to prove I was the better choice.

But Sam never thought she was in the running, and I’d f*cked up, chosen North Carolina and confirmed her worst fears—that I’d never be able to put her first.

“That’s the kind of love you deserve, Gray. We all do.” She sighed. “There was no part of that accident that you’re at fault for. You saved me. This moving back to North Carolina so you can be close to family? Save Joey’s place? That’s you continuing to pay penance for a sin you didn’t commit. That’s you suffering by choice, and it has to stop. I know it. Sam knows it. You want her, then you have to admit that you’re not fighting to be here for your family, or even for me, but because you can’t bear to forgive yourself. You’re Odysseus, Gray, winning your sorrow beyond what is given, blaming fate, blaming the accident, blaming everything but your own inability to let go. Fate handed you Sam by literally shoving her into your arms. She wants to live in Colorado? Live there. It doesn’t affect your career, so go. Stop clinging to your notion of penance, because you’re ruining your only chance at happiness.”

She let that sink in for a second. “Don’t let her get away. She’s your match in every way.”

“I don’t know how to keep her.” My voice was strangled.

“Prove to her that she’s your first choice. Take all your other priorities and give them the second-place ribbon for once.”

She was right, and I knew just where to start.



“And you’re sure this is what you want to do?” Mom asked as I packed my bags the next morning.

“It’s what I want to try. I don’t know how she’ll feel about it, but I have to try.” I zipped my suitcase and lifted it off the bed.

“You need to stop by the shop and say good-bye to your dad and your sisters,” she said, following me down the stairs.

“I will.”

“Your father loves you, Grayson,” she said once we’d stopped on the porch.

“Love has never been the issue, Mom. Trust? That’s the issue. He nearly ended my flight career before it even started. I don’t know how to forgive him for that.”

“We do strange things when we fear for the ones we love. It makes him human.”

I kissed her cheek. “I love you, and I’ll see you at graduation?”

“I wouldn’t miss it. Here, take my car and have Mia bring it home.”

“Thank you, Mom. For everything.”

“You’re still not getting the brownie recipe.” She laughed.

I shrugged. “One day…”