Beyond What is Given(109)

My hand covered hers, regret washing away every other emotion. “If I’d chosen Colorado?”

Her eyes widened. “But you didn’t, and it’s too late to change it now. Everything is in North Carolina for you. And now that Grace is awake…”

“She has nothing to do with this. I swear it to you. Yes, she’s my best friend, and that’s probably not going to change, but I am in love with you, Sam. Not Grace.”

She shook her head slowly and blinked back tears. “She has everything to do with this, Grayson. She’s in everything about you. You prayed for a miracle. I’m doing my best to give you that. Go back to North Carolina. See how things happen with Grace, or if they happen at all. I need to go back to Colorado and ‘pull my shit together,’ as this great guy once told me. We want different things.” Her voice broke and took me with it.

I slid to my knees and reached for her, bringing her to the floor with me and into my arms. “There has to be another way. I don’t accept this.” She curled into me, sobs softly racking her tiny frame as I adjusted her on my lap, careful not to injure her broken arm or tear the stitches on the other one.

“I just want you to be happy,” she whispered against my neck in between tears. Chills raced down my skin, and I held her a little tighter, but it didn’t stop her body from shaking.

“I’ve never been as happy as I am with you.”

“Me, either.”

I drew back, cupping her face in my hands, memorizing each line, every flicker of emotion. “Tell me why we can’t make this work. Because these excuses are all bullshit. Tell me why two adults who love each other can’t find a way to be together. I f*cking love you, Sam. I’m not willing to let that go.”

I thumbed away another tear as it slipped down her face.

“I love you, too, so much that it hurts to breathe. Right now, here in Alabama, we’re in a bubble of time. That bubble is popping, and you and I want two very different things. I want to graduate from the college I worked my ass off in. You want to be close to your family. I love you, but…but I’m choosing me.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“I can’t be mad at you for wanting the same thing that I did. I fought for the Citadel, and despite my parents being extremely upset with my choice to leave after the accident, I went. I chose me. I chose not to wither there as Grace wasted away. So yes, I understand.”

She ran her fingers down my cheek. “I have to take accountability for my actions and face my demons, or I never will.”

I kissed her, pressing our lips together in a soft promise that I understood. “I’m so damn proud of you. I just wish I could help you do it.”

She laughed through her tears. “I think that would be cheating.”

“Your mom told me, ‘right people, wrong time,’ when you were in the hospital. I was so scared you wouldn’t wake up, that I’d be sitting next to your bed for the next five years.”

“Grayson, I would never ask you to do that.”

“But I would, and it wouldn’t be out of guilt, like a lot of Grace was. It would be because there’s no woman like you on this planet. No one else that can piss me off and make me laugh all in the same breath. No one else pushes me to the brink of every known emotion and then reels me back in the way you do.”

“Right people. Wrong time,” she repeated, this time kissing me, sucking on my lower lip gently.

“What about when it’s the right time?” I asked.

“What?”

I nodded, more to myself than anything. Yes. This can work. “We aren’t the fish and the bird, Sam. One day you’ll finish college, and as soon as I can get Dad to let Joey take over without me, I’ll be clear. You’re my right person. My only person. I’ll wait for you.”

She lunged, kissing me like this was the last possible time she’d ever be able to. Our tongues met in a fury of open mouths and soft moans. God, I’d missed the taste of her. She ran her fingers through my hair, and I slanted my mouth over hers again and again, unwilling to stop, because I knew our bubble was popping.

Finally, she pulled back, gasping for breath. “I love you, Grayson. You spent five years waiting, and I won’t ask you to do that for me. I won’t let you.” She pushed back, stumbling to her feet, and then ran out the door. The slamming sound echoed in my heart, shattering everything I’d held on to.

When I finally found the strength to stand, I made my way to the door, like she’d still be standing there. Instead, I found it, the ace of hearts, her last card, lying on the entry hall table.

“I’m incredibly selfish but stupidly selfless only when it comes to you. I won’t let you put your life on pause for one more day. Not on account of me.” The words were scrawled in permanent marker.

She’d written them before she came, because she knew what I would do, even when I didn’t. I grasped my forgotten beer from the coffee table and downed the bottle. Five months with her, around her, and the girl knew me better than I knew myself.

But she couldn’t stop me from waiting on her any more than she could stop me loving her.

There were some things even Samantha Fitzgerald couldn’t boss around.





Chapter Thirty-One