Before I Do(83)

She loved him too, of course she did. She’d never been in a relationship that made her feel this way, as though the lights on the stage of her life had finally been turned on and she was no longer stumbling around in the dark. Her initial attraction to Josh had been a slow burn; so too had the depth of her affection. The first bloom of infatuation had grown roots, as she got to know him, as she came to trust that he wasn’t going anywhere. His guileless affection made her feel secure and valued; it was helping her challenge some ingrained feeling of unlovability. So why couldn’t she tell him all this?

“We’re not driving to Gretna Green, but my parents loved you, so don’t worry on that count,” Josh said, thrusting his arm forward to change gears. “I’ve already had four texts from my mum, all telling me how charming she thought you were.”

“Well, Granny Parker did not find me charming.”

“Granny Parker doesn’t find anyone or anything charming.”

“Don’t keep me in suspense, then, where are we going?”

“It’s an early birthday present,” Josh said, and she could see in his face he was pleased with whatever it was he had organized. “We’re going to one of the darkest places in Europe,” he said mysteriously.

“To murder me?” She laughed, changing the radio station again.

“No, though if you keep changing the station, I might. You’re always saying there’s too much light pollution in London, that it’s not great for seeing the stars. So we’re going to stay in a dark-sky park, nowhere near any cities or towns. There’s no light pollution, so you’ll be able to see your stars properly.”

“Are you joking?” Audrey asked, grabbing his arm in excitement, then quickly letting go, since they were currently traveling at seventy miles per hour on the motorway.

“No.” He laughed.

“Eeee!” Audrey squealed, but then her face fell. “But I don’t have my telescope.”

“Don’t worry, I think there’s one there,” he said.



* * *





They drove deep into the Northumberland countryside, through the dark spruce forest of Kielder, skirting around a huge reservoir, then winding their way gradually up the Black Fell. Looking at the landscape around them, Audrey felt that Josh had found her spiritual home. Above them was a pristine sky, and as the light began to dim, she could sense what a clean view of the stars it would offer them. They drove out onto a high clearing of land and ahead of them was a strange, boxlike wooden structure.

“What’s this? Is this where we’re staying?” Audrey asked.

“It’s an observatory,” said Josh. “I booked us a private sky tour with one of the guides.”

Audrey stared in wonder at the huge open shutters of the building. An observatory, all the way out here? Josh’s eyes sparked with pleasure at her reaction.

They were welcomed in by Phileas, a retired astronomer and volunteer. He explained a little about the dark-sky park and then showed them up to the telescope. For the next few hours, Audrey found herself in her personal heaven. She had visited the Royal Observatory in Greenwich many times, but always as part of a tour group. Here, they had the place to themselves. As she put her eye to the lens of the huge telescope, the sight left her momentarily speechless. The fog of light, which normally dulled her view, was gone. It helped that tonight’s sky was cloudless, with a new moon, and the heavens were a blanket of ebony dotted with the brightest diamonds of light. To Audrey, it felt like putting on glasses for the first time; now she could see everything as it was supposed to be seen.

“Do you want me to tell you what you’re looking at?” Phileas asked.

“Oh, there’s Altair.” Audrey sighed. “And Alpheratz . . . and, oh, I can see the rings of Saturn so clearly!” It soon became apparent that Audrey didn’t need telling anything.

“Oh, Josh, you have to see this, the Milky Way is so unbelievably vivid,” she said, and she didn’t even need the telescope to show him. “Look, this band of light, you see that glow across the sky? That’s the combined light of four hundred billion stars, and these dark patches are cosmic dust; that’s the edge of the galaxy we’re living in.”

Audrey looked up at the sky, but when she turned back to Josh, she saw that he was watching her.

“You’re supposed to be looking at the sky, not at me,” she said.

“Are you happy?” he asked, his eyes brimming with fondness.

“Yes, Josh, this is incredible. Can we live here?” She leaned in to kiss him, feeling the welcome heat of his lips in the cool air of the observatory.

“Come and see Andromeda, Audrey, she’s clear as anything tonight,” said Phileas, beckoning her back to the telescope.

“What’s Andromeda?” Josh asked, a hand caressing her back as she leaned over the lens to look.

“Another galaxy,” Phileas explained.

“That’s going to collide with ours,” said Audrey.

“Really?” Josh said with a note of concern.

“But not for another four billion years, so you don’t need to worry.”

“Audrey, do you want a job here?” Phileas laughed.

They spent three hours looking out at the universe, and Audrey and Phileas were soon having conversations that Josh had a hard time keeping up with. As Josh tried to stifle a yawn, Phileas finally said, “I’m sorry, Audrey, I was meant to close an hour ago, we should really let Josh get to his bed.” They both looked at Josh, who quickly tried to appear more alert. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed talking to a fellow enthusiast.” Phileas shook her hand. Something about the astronomer reminded Audrey of her father, and she didn’t want to leave, she didn’t want him to stop talking. Her dad would have loved this place.