Becoming Calder (A Sign of Love Novel)(80)

"I love this. I love you, the feel of you, the smell of you, just you," Calder panted. I smiled. I loved how words started pouring out of him sometimes when we were physically intimate. It was another way he lost control and I loved it. I pressed up into him and sighed out blissfully.
Calder brought his mouth to mine, pressing the backs of my hands down into the blanket and kissed me deeply, our tongues swirling and dancing together. I submitted entirely, and although his movements were slow and languid, the intensity built inside me until I fell over the edge, crying out into the night as bright white pleasure streaked through me, causing me to arch up off the blanket, my abdomen meeting Calder's and my breasts pressing into his chest.
When I opened my eyes, Calder was gazing down at me, eyes heavy-lidded with passion, lips just slightly parted. I watched him as his lids fluttered closed and his expression became strained with barely controlled lust. Then his strokes sped up and he thrust into me several more times before he pulled out of me—the hot, sticky substance pouring out onto my belly again—his face looking almost pained, but beautifully so. He dropped his head into the crook of my neck, groaned, and then let go of one of my hands and took his shaft in his hand as he rubbed the head of it on my belly, sighing.
I let go of his other hand and brought my arms around his back, drawing my fingernails up his arms. He leaned up and smiled at me, his eyes still sleepy-looking and kissed my lips sweetly.
"You're the most beautiful man in the whole wide world," I said.
Calder grinned, nuzzling the skin at my neck.
"Just wait until we get out in the big community. You'll see what a troll I really am. There's not a lot of competition here."
I laughed as Calder rolled off me and gathered me to him. We were both still slightly damp from the water, and now we were sticky and sweaty again, but I didn't care. I'd lay with him in the mess of us all night long.
I leaned up and put my chin on his chest and shook my head. "Uh, uh. I remember very little about the big society, but what I do know is you're not a troll anywhere."
Calder smiled and stroked my hair. I bit my lip and looked out to the spring.
"What?" he asked.
"Well, what about clothes and stuff? People don't wear what we wear here."
"Yes, I know. I see what people arrive here wearing. We'll figure all that stuff out. It's why we need a little time."
I nodded, biting my lip. "Are you afraid?"
Calder was quiet for a minute, staring up at the sky. "Sometimes. But mostly I'm filled with excitement for the future for the first time in my life." He looked down at me. "We've always lived with this great flood hanging over our heads, and, I don't know, it's hard to imagine a day when I don't use that as the compass for the way I spend each and every day. But I want that. I want to know what that feels like. I want to know what it's like to live without constantly thinking about dying."
"Even if dying's supposed to be glorious."
Calder nodded. "Yes. And maybe it is. But," he ran a hand through his hair, looking back up at the sky, "there are glorious things right here on earth, too, and I think they're meant to be enjoyed. We weren't created not to notice them . . . our hearts weren't made to not take joy in the things we've been given right here."
I snuggled into him, his skin warming me, and pulled half the blanket over my shoulders. I was so sleepy. "So you believe the great flood . . . it isn't true?" I yawned. I still didn't know exactly what I thought.
"I don't know," Calder said very quietly. "I used to believe in Hector so strongly. But he isn't the man, the leader, I always saw him as. He's not a man I want to follow any longer. And so if the floods do come, I'll take my chances with the rest of the people Hector considers sinners. I'm certainly among them in his mind anyway."
I nodded, growing sleepier, so warm and happy with Calder's arms around me.
"All I know for sure," I heard him whisper, "is that you belong to me and I'm going to protect you. I'm going to make a life for us. Somehow."
And I believed him.
The next thing I knew, Calder was shaking me gently. "Wake up, Eden, we have to get back."
I blinked and looked around, sitting up as Calder moved away from me. I oriented myself, suddenly realizing I'd be saying goodbye to him for quite some time. I stood. My breath hitched. I felt tears forming, and my chest ached. I hadn't known this pain before. "I'm going to miss you so much," I whispered.
Calder had picked up the blanket, but stopped folding it at my words. He set it down on the ground and moved toward me, wrapping me in his arms. He was already dressed and I was still nude. He hugged me to him tightly, his chin resting on the top of my head. "I love you so much, Morning Glory. Every single day we're apart, I'm going to be planning our life. It will get me through, and you remember that, too, when it gets hard. When wedding plans are going on around you, when you see Hector treating me like a dog, you remember I am planning our life and doing everything I can to make that happen. And I swear to you, we will leave here."