Becoming Calder (A Sign of Love Novel)(121)

When the water got to my chin once again, the light from under the door went out, and the screams turned to sobs and whispers and . . . sputtering death. I sobbed quietly until my own heartbeat thudding in my chest lulled me into some sort of hollow calm. It was utterly dark and silent now except for the sound of the rain, still beating down. Was the whole world underwater? Were the penguins floating? Watching as the skies darkened and the planet became one vast, unending ocean? The water rose over my nose and I closed my eyes.
Can I teach you an even better way not to expend energy in the water?
My eyes snapped open. I swore I had heard his voice whisper in my ear.
I let the water take my body with it as it rose higher in the room. Take a big breath and then let yourself float so that the back of your head is just above the water. Just let the water support you. Then, when I touch your arms, let them float toward the surface with your elbows bent. Have you got it so far?
Yes, yes, I remember.
I floated to the top of the water and did what I had been taught to do once upon a time, under the sunshine, in the water of a spring where I had fallen in love with the most beautiful boy in the world. And where he had loved me back.
. . . you never know when a small piece of knowledge is going to come in handy or maybe . . . maybe even change your life.
I floated there, just like that, until I realized the water had stopped rising. I felt above me to find there was about three inches of air at the top of that taller ceiling, three inches that kept me alive. The rest of the cellar would have been completely underwater about a half an hour before, when the screams had stopped. They were all dead. All except me—the only one they'd wanted to take with them.
Be strong, Morning Glory. I'll wait for you, but I hope I'm waiting for a long time.
Fierce longing assaulted me. It would be so easy to let myself sink to the floor and suck in a big, lungful of water. But what if the sin of taking my own life took me somewhere else? What if that was the thing that separated me from Calder forever? He wouldn't be alone. Our baby would be with him. He'd learn of her existence there. He'd know her right away. He'd teach her how to swim in the spring. He'd teach her to be brave. He'd teach her what love felt like. Just like he'd once taught me.
I'd heard it said that when you die, your life flashes in front of your eyes, every moment of it. But for me, there was only Calder. There was only him. Because he was my life. I saw his laughter as I turned toward him at our spring. I saw us lying together under the stars. I saw Calder's fierce expression as he took my face in his hands and put his lips to mine. I saw pleasure wash over his features as he made love to me. I saw his sudden grin, like sunshine, as the shower water washed down over his head. Every blissful moment with him floated through my mind in vivid detail. I closed my eyes and I lived in each moment, letting them cradle me, comfort me, bring me peace.
And I floated. All through that cold, dark, pitch-black night, the now softly falling rain was the only sound around me. I floated and I lived. And at some point, the water began to recede and the top of the shelf hit my foot. I stood on it, half awake, half in a place deep within my mind where I had gone as I floated, in shock, in disbelief, in unspeakable grief.

**********

The water receded slowly and by the time I was standing back on the floor, it seemed like hours had gone by. I felt along the wall and when I came to the door, I pushed against it and wedged it open just a fraction. Whatever had been put in front of it must have floated up in the water and come back down a little bit away from where it had been. With the small crack in the door, I was able to wedge my body into it and push enough to squeeze through. The water on the other side was still up to my thighs. I stood there, panting from the exertion of wedging the door open, trying to focus my eyes in the very, very dim light just coming under the door that led outside.
Morning had broken.
The room came into focus as I blinked and brought my hand up to my mouth, horror sweeping through my body. Bodies floated everywhere. Men, women, and little children. Hailey's little boy, Myles, floated by and I turned my head and sobbed silently, covering my face.
And that's when I heard it, a splintering followed by the deep groan of wood giving way. A portion of the ceiling crashed down on the other side of the room, right by the door, the light of a golden morning sky streaming in like the arrival of a thousand angels. I didn't have time to scream. I only reacted, wading through the bodies, pushing them aside as I moved through the water, toward that heavenly light. Another loud wood groan, and then another portion of the ceiling fell in, slamming down next to me, crushing the bodies that had been floating there. I looked to my right and Hector's face rose up from the water, bloated, tinged purple, with a look on his face that was serene, peaceful. A deep rage gripped me. "You did this," I whispered hatefully, not knowing if I had actually spoken aloud. "You did all of this." His expression remained tranquil, his body bobbing in the water. There was nothing I could do to punish him, nothing I could do to exact revenge. I sobbed into my hands and moved past him. I made it to the place where the ceiling had crashed in a minute before and climbed up the pieces of broken wood and fallen concrete, until I could grab onto a still-intact piece of the roof and pull myself up. I fell on the ground, panting and sobbing. When I heard another loud creak, I pulled myself up and dragged myself as far away from the cellar roof as possible.