Beautiful Broken Promises(46)

“Well, it’s obviously for you. Check it out,” I chuckled.

She cautiously opened the large, crinkling plastic and dipped her hands inside. Gingerly, she pulled out piles of clothes. I saw t-shirts, blouses, jeans, shorts, and pajamas—all for her and for the kids. Shortly after, I saw her take out some bras and underwear, but she quickly shoved those back into the bag awkwardly.

“She bought us clothes?” Her eyes filled with tears and I jumped to sit next to her.

“Don’t cry. You needed some, right?”

She nodded and asked, “Did you know she was going to do that?”

“Babe, I knew you guys couldn’t continue switching between two outfits like you have been.” Her arms were instantly around my neck before I could even finish speaking. I went with it and wrapped mine around her body.

After a long moment of muffled sniffles and us holding each other, she finally spoke. “Should I be concerned she knew my bra size?”

I laughed and pulled away. “I guesstimated. Want me to check and make sure I got it correct?” I mimicked holding her breasts in my hands, and she feigned indignation before laughing hysterically.

She playfully swatted my bicep and cried, “You!” Yep, me. The guy who was starting to enjoy this girl’s company a little too much.

When my mom left a few hours later, I was still trying to decide how our sleeping arrangements were going to work out. There were two bedrooms in the tiny apartment. The master, which had a nice big bed in it, and then there was Kate’s nursery. It still held her crib and a full-size bed, which Raegan used to sleep on with Braden when she spent the night. So far, neither of us had made any move toward that room.

That’s where they were all taken.

“You guys go pile in the big bed. I can make do out here on the couch,” I called out to Rae, who was getting a glass of water from the kitchen.

“That’s silly, I’ll just…” she started to say, but then thought better of it. I had a feeling she was going to say she could sleep on the full-size bed in the nursery, but we both knew neither of us could stomach that room.

“You’ll just sleep in the master,” I finished for her.

“Come on, guys. Let’s go.” She grabbed for their hands and I watched as they vacated the little living room.

It was f*cking hard being back here. I used to rock Kate in the recliner in the corner on the rare night I was home on time to put her down. We used to lay a big quilt on the ground in front of the couch for her to lie on her stomach and have what Ash called “tummy time.” This whole place was filled with memories… memories I wasn’t prepared to dredge up.

I grabbed a blanket out of the hall closet and caught the whiff of fresh detergent. Mom must have re-washed some of the linens because I had definitely been expecting a stale closet odor. I really did need to thank her for being so amazing—I’m sure it hadn’t been easy for her to be here either.

I sat down on the creaky old couch and pulled my shirt up over my head. The gym shorts I had put on this morning would have to do for the night. The couch groaned as I tried to find its sweet spot—the spot that would allow me at least some comfort. Something jabbed into my back and I reached underneath myself to remove the annoyance. Between the cushions, I pulled out a blue stick of lip balm.

Ash used to have these all over the house and in her purse. She never went anywhere without them. I stared at the small reminder of Kate’s mom. My ex-wife. I really wished she could see Kate now. Why did she have to go and get into a car after she had been drinking? I still wanted to berate her for her callousness. Did she just give up all hope of ever finding Kate? And did she really care so little for her own life? I wished she were here so I could yell and give her a piece of my mind!

A tear slipped down my cheek and I chuckled at the tornado of emotions I was feeling. I missed Ash. Maybe I hadn’t been in love with her, but I still wished that she could see the beautiful girl Kate had become. I still cared deeply for her. She was the mother of my child. I would have done anything for her.

I guess that wasn’t entirely true though, because I didn’t fight for her—I fought for Kate instead. I hoped if she was looking down now that she understood. I would always love her for giving me the very best thing a man could receive… my daughter.

I watched the small hand of the clock slowly tick its way past all the numbers and I still couldn’t get my mind to calm down. I just couldn’t seem to shut down the memories I had of this place. Some good. Some great. Some absolutely terrifying.