Bearly Hanging On (The Jamesburg Shifters #6)(50)

"The old woman, Cora, she asked me if I was pregnant, which she said later was just her way of making fun of Ryan for never having found a mate."

"Ah," Jenga said, smiling gently. "Yes, well, that would certainly do the trick. Does he know? Ryan?"

"God, no," Jamie said, almost too quickly. "I was with Dominic for six months and never told him anything. Of course he started wondering why I tended to get kinda weird about sex sometimes, but I’m glad I never told him. But this guy, I," Jamie trailed off for a second. “I told him about me being a kid. I told him a lot, more than I’ve told pretty much anyone except you. But I avoided certain things.”

"Hmm," Jenga intoned. "Yes, he was... well, I'm not here for personal opinion sharing. Have you thought about letting him all the way through your walls? You seem to be closer to him, or at least, want to be?"

"That's where I'm screwed," Jamie said, puffing out another laugh. "I do want to. I want to tell him everything. He asked me the other day, he asked "where are you from?" and I quickly diverted that into talking about... something. Cows, or something, I don't even remember."

"And do you know about him?"

"That's the other thing. I asked him about himself and he avoided answering just as deftly as I did."

"Ah," Jenga said, steepling his fingers and smiling over the top of them. "Seems like you've found your match, then?"

"I can't," she said. "Not with all this stuff in my guts chewing at me. I tell you everything, and I feel better, but then I feel like if I'm going to let someone in - like really let someone, in, I have to dredge all that old shit up again and relive it again."

"We," Jenga said, in that distant way that meant he was about to say something surprisingly profound. "All of us, we are a collection of the experiences we've had, the things we've felt, and the things we've been dealt, yes?" He coughed again. "Do you have to tell someone all of your secrets to love them? No, of course not. But if they love you, they'll want to take the burden of those secrets - not away, mind you - but they'll want to help carry it. That's what love is, Jamie. And—"

"That's why I've never felt it before now."

The rock hit the bottom of her stomach. All at once, the realization hit her, met with a heavy dose of fear, revulsion and indescribable relief. She looked from the rickety book shelf, to ghastly collection of specimen jars, to Jenga, and back to the books. "What the hell am I going to do?"

Jenga stood up, resting his hands on Jamie's shoulders. "Are you busy for the next half hour?" he asked.

"I work for the Jamesburg city government. Does that answer your question?" She smiled through the sniffles, and dabbed another red streak off her cheek.

Jenga boomed a laugh. "Yes, well, that does answer me quite ably. Very good, I know just the thing to lift your spirits."

He deposited two milk jugs - one a gallon, and one a quart - beside the pile of Soap Opera Digest. "Do you mind?"

That rock in the pit of Jamie's stomach turned into a toad that started climbing its way back out. "Oh, no," she said. "Ohhhh no. You want me to carry that stuff?"

Jenga nodded, giving her an eager, yellow-toothed grin. "How long has it been since you saw Atlas? And have you seen him in his, er, uniform?"

"Oh my God, you can't be serious. He wears a uniform? What kind? Did the hyenas somehow make one that fit him? I bet this is the most absurdly adorable thing in the universe."

Somehow, even though all her troubles were firmly entrenched in the back of her mind, just like Jenga said, the thought of that ridiculous, impossibly lovable monster in a police uniform was just too much. She blinked hard. "Okay, all right, fine. Do you have anything I can use to keep these lids on? I don't want to drop this stuff on some unfortunate pedestrian who happens to be underneath me when I catch a gust and lose one."

He pointed at the lids, both of which were heavily taped on. "Don't fly with open containers," he said with one of his twinkling-eyed looks. "You know better than that."

She grabbed the jugs, stood and turned toward the door before she froze in place. "Do you think I'm crazy?" she asked. "About Ryan and wanting him to know all about me, and the... and all that?" She was able to blink back the red tears this time before they came.

"Oh no, dear child," he said. His voice was back to jangling. "No, no, not at all. I think I'm slightly off-kilter, but you? You, I'm afraid, are as normal as bears that turn into people. Or wait, no, that's..."

"I get what you mean—," she said, the left corner of her mouth twitching in a smile. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Oh, and tell Atlas to make sure to bring Sara home early tonight. He's worn her so ragged that a few parts need adjusting."

The sort of laugh that’s only possible in the case of unexpected Nerf bat to crotch contact burst out of Jamie. "That is... basically the last thing I expected to hear. But, sure, I'll make sure those two crazy kids get home early so you can sew... whatever needs sewing."

Jenga was back to whistling standards, and singing every so often. For Jamie? Spreading her wings and tasting the gusts that took her up into the sky had never, ever felt so good.