Bang (Black Lotus #1)(77)

I slip my hands over his as they remain on my face. “Things are going to happen, Declan. That’s the shit part of life, that we don’t get a say in anything.” The reality of these words prick at my heart, knowing the ugly truth all too well. “The world will never ask us what we want. It doesn’t care what we want. Bad things are going to happen, but it’ll never stop this world from spinning. And what happened to your mother . . . that had nothing to do with you.”

“I can rationalize that, but it feels like a lie,” he tells me.

“And what about your dad?”

“He reminds me every chance he gets that I’ll never be enough. That I failed as a man. So I’ve spent my whole life busting my ass to prove him wrong. But you were right.”

“About what?”

“What you said at the hotel that night. That I hate the name that owns me. You’re right. The fact that I fell right into my father’s business and didn’t create my own success, it’s just another piece of arson for him to use on me.”

“But Lotus is all yours. Your father doesn’t have a hand in it,” I remind him.

“He doesn’t need his hand in it to own entitlement. It shares the McKinnon name.”

“I need to tell you something,” I say, wanting him to be privy to the information I just found out about his dad. “Your father is looking to possibly invest with my husband’s company. Bennett is going to New York to meet with him and I’m going too.”

“When?”

“Later next week.”

I can tell that he’s pissed with the idea of mixing business with Bennett, and understandably so. He pulls me into his arms, tucking my head under his chin as he sits back, and lets go of a heavy sigh. “I want you far away from that man,” he grits.

“I know, but I also know him and what he’s capable of.”

His arms are tense around me as I nestle my head against his hard chest. “It f*cking kills me to sit at home and wonder if he’s laying a hand on you. Do you have any idea what that does to me? I feel like a worthless bastard for sending you back to him.”

“Don’t. You’re not.”

He takes my hand and pulls it up to his lips and kisses the bandage around my wrist, before looking at me, saying, “I’m a bastard for this.”

“I should have told you when you blindfolded me that I was feeling panicky.”

“I need you to always be honest with me, especially during sex. It worries me that I could be hurting you.”

When I nod my head, he leans down and gives me a tender kiss, sucking gently on my bottom lip before pulling away. He keeps his head close, nose against mine, and with my eyes still closed, he breathes in a low rasp, “I love you.”

The tremolo of my heart excites me, to know that he’s feeling this way, but it also hurts, because he’s become someone I like. I hate that I’m about to destroy this person for my own benefit, but it needs to be done. I almost feel guilty knowing that he’s having these feelings for me that I don’t share, but that’s part of the game. That’s part of revenge. I’ve never felt bad for Bennett, but Declan is a good guy. It’s a shame that I have to do this to him, but I do.

I open my eyes and look into his, running my fingers behind his neck and up into his hair, giving the sentiment in return, only mine is laced in candied poison when I say, “I love you too.”





THE ABRASIONS ON my wrists healed quickly. Luckily Bennett had left for Miami the morning after my freak out, so I was able to hide my wrists from him for that one night by simply wearing one of his long-sleeved t-shirts and telling him that I was feeling sick. We always have sex before he goes out of town, but because he thought I wasn’t feeling well, I was able to keep the scabs hidden from him as we just cuddled together in bed.

I spent the few days he was gone with Declan. He continues to grow closer to me, opening up more and telling me about what it was like for him to grow up after his mother had died. His father treated him like a piece of shit, always belittling him, giving him a sense of worthlessness that he now overcompensates for in his aggressions.

I’ve met Cal on several occasions and have always thought him bastardly. But with everything Declan has told me, it makes my stomach turn knowing that I have to put on my good graces while in his company tonight. We arrived in New York two days ago, and even though Bennett has had a couple meetings with him, I haven’t been present.

Tonight, Cal has invited us to his home for dinner. So while Bennett was in meetings today, I spent my time shopping for a new dress to wear this evening. Nothing fancy, just a feminine, navy shift dress with a lace overlay that I have paired with nude pumps. Bennett looks his usual, wearing a tailored suit and tie, and when the door opens, a woman who can’t be much older than me greets us.

“Welcome,” she says warmly, looking polished in her ivory slacks and purple, silk top, the color making me cringe. Her raven hair is pulled back into a bun at the nape of her neck. “You must be Bennett and Nina. Thank you for joining us for dinner. Cal speaks highly of the both of you. I’m Camilla, by the way.”

Bennett shakes her hand and greets her with a kiss on the cheek before she extends her hand to me, which I take in a polite shake as we exchange pleasantries.

“This is a lovely home, Camilla,” I remark as we step into the foyer.