Bang (Black Lotus #1)(82)

He lifts my head with his hands, and I look down into the honesty of his green eyes. He doesn’t say anything—he doesn’t even need to—I can hear him clearly in the solitude of silence between us. He really does love me. I nod my head, letting him know that I know his thoughts, that I’m here with him.

The way he’s touching me right now and with the stillness of the room, it would be so easy for me to escape, but I don’t want to. I want to be here. Be in the moment—with him. I let myself drift to a place I’ve never been. Lost in Declan as he sits up and gently nips the bud of my nipple, hardening it to a peak before moving to the next to show the same loving attention. He savors me, and I like it.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers over my breasts.

Gripping fistfuls of his hair in my hands, I hold him close to me while he lifts his hips and shifts his pants down, and I don’t even want to wait. I rise up on my knees as he holds himself beneath me and descend down over heat of his rock hard cock. Our moans blend as he fills me completely, his arms banded around my waist, hugging me, his cheek to my breast.

Neither one of us moves for a while as we hold each other, and when he eventually loosens his arms, he lays back and looks up at me. “I want to watch you take me.”

Declan, giving up control and handing it over to me. So with his words, I slowly rise up along his cock, and when I feel the ridge of the tip slip out, I take my time and fall back down over him, sucking him inside of my warmth. It’s like my body just naturally craves him, needing him. I place my hands on his chest and continue to work the length of him while he watches me. He runs his hands up my thighs and over my stomach to my tits, handling me gently, caressing me.

I move my hands to his wrists and hold on to them as my eyes fall shut. I’ve never felt this with any other man. But it’s not just now in this moment, it’s every single time I’m with him. He always has a way of keeping me connected to him, never allowing my mind to drift, never allowing my body to go numb. I used to fight for that with him. But now? Now I don’t even try.

Declan begins to move his hips beneath me, our bodies so in sync. There’s a pressure in my chest, a foreign ache inside of me, and it begins to swell. My emotions swarm in confusion. Questions fill my head; each of them hitting the softest parts of me, parts I’m just now realizing exist within me.

Why doesn’t this feel dirty?

Why am I not trying to escape?

Why do I let him see the weak in me?

Why do I hurt?

Why am I suddenly doubting everything I thought I knew?

Why can’t I breathe?

And when my eyes open, I feel everything I never thought I was worthy of.

I love him.

A hard hit to my heart and I feel like I’m choking.

I really love him.

I see it, a shooting star above, exploding into a million flittering pieces of diamond dust. Shimmering flecks trickling over me, and when I look down, I see them landing on Declan’s golden chest. A splattering of crystals, each holding their own prism of sparkles as they glitter against his skin, and then he reaches his hand up to my cheek. Still holding on to his wrists, he wipes my damp cheek.

“Baby,” he whispers, but I don’t speak. The ache in my chest is too restricting. We don’t stop moving as my tears continue to drop to his chest. And when it becomes too much, the realization that I’m falling in love with the one person I should have remained disconnected from, I choke out a painful sob.

Declan quickly pulls me down to him and I break, weeping into his neck as he hugs me against him. This has never felt okay—exposing this vulnerability that has always hidden itself inside of me—but until Declan, I never felt safe enough to expose it. I’ve always been safe with him. How could I’ve been so blind to not see what’s been happening between us?

He’s still deep inside of me, but we’re no longer moving as he pets me. His hands gently running the length of my back, his fingers combing through my hair, while I find myself completely overcome with emotions I’ve never felt before. A deep connection with someone I should have kept at a distance, but somehow, he found his way inside of me.

“Talk to me,” he says, and I slightly lift my head to look at him when I say the words I’ve said so many times, but this time, I truly mean them.

“I love you, Declan.”

“I know, darling.”

Dropping my forehead to his, I run my hand along his stubbled jaw, needing the soothing prickles against my hand. “I mean . . . I really love you.”

My confession causes his heart to pick up. I can feel it pounding against my chest. He kisses me slow and deep, tasting me, before he pulls back to speak. “This is what I’ve been waiting for.”

“What?”

Sliding his hand between our bodies, he presses it against my chest, over my rapidly beating heart. “This.”

“You have it. It’s been yours.”

“I haven’t truly felt it until right now,” he says, and then I move my hand between us and rest it over his heart as well. It thumps into my palm as he tells me, “All I want is you. I’ll do whatever it takes, but I need you to know that you’re completely safe with me. I’ll never hurt you; I only want to love you.”

Knowing the web of lies I’ve created, I know that this will never come forth to culmination with him the way I want it to. I’ve created a hopeless situation in a place I never expected to find hope. But I did, and it rests inside of this man—a man I’ve allowed my heart to fall for. The realness is too much, knowing that all I’ll come out of this with is all I’ve ever had—the heartbreak of life’s cruel hand. And yet I don’t want to fight it anymore, because I feel the same way he does.