Bait: The Wake Series, Book One(130)

“You’re busy, you don’t need your mess of a sister there cramping your style, but I love you for inviting me,” I told him. Honestly, being in Chicago would only remind me of Casey, not that I could escape him anyway.

I’d been spending more time in the office, not travelling because I felt like that was just avoiding my home situation and ultimately my goal. Micah had told me that Casey had been travelling almost nonstop, but that he called to check in every few days no matter where he was.

Time passed in black and white.

I spent more time with Shane than probably ever. His mood suited me. It probably wasn’t healthy feeding his depression with my shitty vibes, but I did it anyway.

We went to movies and barely talked. Sometimes we’d finish the night in a bar, while my husband worked.

Christmas came, but I wasn’t into it. Instead of buying presents for family and friends, I gave them all gift cards. I only bought actual presents for Foster, and sent them to California in a big brown box.

I probably would have tried to ship myself if UPS would have had one big enough.

I was miserable and certain Grant could feel it. He wasn’t a prick, or a bad husband. I often felt bad for him. Consequently, I wasn’t being cruel or mean, but showing him me and how I was really feeling was starting to register with him.

I was counting down the days.

Grant wasn’t really showing an ounce of concern for our demise, and only validated that I’d made the wrong decision by marrying him. It was like Reggie was right. Had I married a robot? Was he not upset that our marriage was a sham? He he ever have extreme emotions about anything?

My body was there same as always.

But I was finally able to admit that my heart and mind was with Casey.





Thursday, December 24, 2009


IT WAS LIKE MY mind was somewhere else.

I was traveling all the time, trying to make the days seem like minutes and the minutes go by as fast as possible. There was no end.

I didn't sleep well.

I didn't eat like I should. I was on a mission. Hold my breath until she came back. Tolerate life without her.

Everyday my fingers itched to send messages to her. Sometimes they typed them anyway.

Me: Stop this. Please just get here.

Delete.

Me: I hate not talking to you.

Delete.

Me: How was your day?

Delete.

Me: I'm sorry I left you in Atlanta. I should have taken you back to the hotel and showed you how badly I wanted you for my own.

Delete.

Me: I love you.

Delete.

It was Christmas Eve. Lou and Betty were 0 and 2 for the holidays.

I spent most of the afternoon with my family, promising to come back the next day. Everyone was in full wedding mode preparing for Cory and Micah's big day the next week. The idea of another wedding repulsed me.

Carmen really stepped up. Since Micah's family lived far away and our mother was gone, she took Micah under her wing and did everything to assure that this family would have something to look forward to and be proud of.

God, I missed my mom and I was sure Cory felt the same way. With the wedding approaching, probably more.

I spent the afternoon with Foster. He was my kind of man.

He didn't ask questions.

He didn't look at me like I was something to be pitied.

He didn't mind that I opened my second beer only twenty minutes after my first.

I found presents address to him from Auntie Blake under the tree, and without asking anyone, I helped him open them.

She’d sent him baby toys and clothes and a book. The thing that caught my eye was he title, The Invisible String. I stared to read it and put my wingman out cold. I didn’t get to finish because Micah took the baby and I’d look like a fool reading a children’s book about loving someone from far away all by myself. He gave him a rain check.

Instead, after his mother shut down our party, I continued to drink and pretend to be interested in what everyone was talking about. Only chiming in when absolutely necessary.

I was glad Troy was there. He drank with me and if my memory served me right, he put my consumption to shame that night and my sister Audrey had to drive him home.

By nine o'clock I was calling a car to come and pick me up. It was just as well. I probably wouldn't feel like driving in the morning and I'd need another to come pick me up from my house.

I would sleep alone and most likely dream about Grant’s wedding to the woman I loved for the millionth goddamned time. But least I’d get to see her. How pathetic.