BAD REP(147)

What do I have to do to make you stay?
What should I say to make you mine?
When will you stop running, girl?
I'm watching for the sign.

You build me up and break me down
Over and over again
I crave your seductive destruction
Even as I long for your pain.

But it wasn't all bad was it?
Things weren't always this way.
You filled the space in my empty heart,
Your eyes told me things your lips would never say.

So here I am, watching you run.
I wish you'd stop trying to leave.
How easy you forget
that you're my reason to breathe.

Stop running, girl
It won't always feel like this,
Stop running, girl
Stop running.

We could have our tomorrow
We could have our dreams,
My future is wrapped up in you,
Even as my heart bleeds.

Stop running, girl.
I've got nowhere to go.
I'll wait until forever
I promise to take this slow.

How easily we tore each other down
It's hard to take it all back
Feeding those fears and regrets,
I'm all alone in the black.

Stop running, girl.
It won't always feel like this.
Stop running, girl.
Stop running, girl!

Stop running away!

Jordan's voice rose in a scream as the tears ran uninhibited down my face.  My hand throbbed from the vice grip Riley had on it.  Jordan's voice trailed off as he slammed a frantic beat on his drums.  The song seemed to tear his heart out and I felt my own being ripped free and flopping on the floor.

My f*cking god!  He'd written me a song.  And what a song!  All of his heart ache and grief rolled through the lyrics and I was at a complete loss.  When it was over, the crowd voiced their approval.  Then the band launched quickly into another song.

I was breathing heavily and I wiped at the drying tears on my face.  “Shit, Mays.  That was incredible,”  Gracie yelled into my ear.  I nodded, rubbing my nose with a napkin.  Riley let go of my hand and I felt the pins and needles as circulation resumed.

“You need to talk to him.  You can't leave things the way they are,” Riley urged.  I didn't say anything.  I couldn't argue, I couldn't agree. I couldn't freaking do anything.  So I watched the rest of Generation Rejects' set and I knew my future hung in the balance.

When they were finished, the bar started to settle down.  Most people left and those still there were either drunk off of their asses and waiting for a ride, or Barton employees.  The band had broken down their equipment and loaded it up in Garrett's van.

They joined the group at the bar.  Cole went straight to Vivian, though he stopped by me first.  “Did you like the new stuff, Maysie?” he asked, winking at me.  I was way too sober for this.  I wished I possessed some serious liquid courage right then.  But honesty was all I could give.

So, I nodded.  “Yeah, it was beautiful.”  Cole patted me on the back.

“It sure was,” he agreed and moved on to Vivian.

Jordan came up to the other side of the bar.  There were at least a dozen people separating us.  He gave Lyla a hug as she handed him a beer.  He was quickly surrounded by his co-workers congratulating him on the upcoming Rejects tour and telling him how great the show was.  Moore came out from the back and locked the front door, turning the little get together into a full blown party.   The kitchen crew were trying to make a beer bong out of a colander and plastic tubing.  Jaz and Evian were climbing up on the bar to dance to a bad cover of Britney Spears' Hit Me Baby One More Time. 

Moore and Jordan were talking off to the side.  The manager had clasped Jordan's shoulder and I could see Jordan smiling.  God how I had missed that smile.

I was coerced into playing a rowdy game of beer pong with Rozzi, Tito and Cal.  I ended up knocking over more cups of beer than actually drinking.  Dina tried to talk me into going out back and sharing a joint with her but I passed.

Then the night started coming to a close.  Not once did Jordan approach me.  After unloading his heart in that mind blowing song, he stayed as far away from me as he could.  I watched him way more than I wanted to.  He had spent the rest of the night talking to his friends as well as laughing with Riley and Damien.  I had no idea he had become so friendly with my best friend.  She had never mentioned it.  But I could see that they had become good friends.  And that made me jealous.  Because he and I had nothing.  Not even a friendship to show for all of it.