Alcohol You Later (34)

I’m such an idiot.

My heart batters against my ribcage, echoing like a doomsday drum in my head as I enter the bus. It’s dark. And blessedly quiet. No crying. No whining. No baby babbles or giggling. In the dead of night, I can pretend nothing has changed.

I can’t wait to fill the silence with the sound of her sexy little moans and our sweaty bodies slapping together. To feel her warm skin on mine and taste her sweet lips.

My dick punches at my zipper when I reach my room.

“Ray?” I whisper, pushing the already cracked door the rest of the way open. The sight of my empty bed socks me right in the jugular.

Turning on my heel, I march back to the bunks, to the one she tried claiming as her own the first night. Panic chips away at my good sense. With each step I feel my blood pressure rising.

“The hell do you think you’re doing?” I bark, ripping the curtain open.

She jumps, pulling the blanket to her neck to hide her body from view. “Shut your big freaking mouth,” she hisses. “Swear to God, if you wake those babies up, I will murder you while you sleep.”

I shut my eyes up tight, inhaling a few deep breaths. It’s paramount I remain calm. I can’t screw this up. “You’re supposed to be in my bed.”

“I’m good.” She slams her head back down on the pillow, shutting her eyes as if she thinks she could possibly dismiss me so easily.

“Come on, pretty girl.” I brace both hands on the frame above her bunk, leaning in close. “I need you.”

“Well, that’s too bad.”

I feel myself growing frustrated as I watch my plans for the night go up in smoke. “Just come lay beside me.”

“No.” Her rejection cuts me to my core.

“You’re mad?”

She snorts. “Try furious.”

“I’m sorry.” Desperation claws at my throat. “I won’t smoke anymore till they leave.”

The scathing gaze she fires my way tells me that was precisely the wrong thing to say.

“Jesus, Nick. You’re not even trying.” She’s never regarded me with outright disgust. I’m not equipped to handle this from her. Not my Raven.

Anger festers in my veins.

“What the hell do you mean I’m not trying?” I start ticking off my efforts one finger at a time. “I’m not drinking. And no longer smoking. And apparently not fucking, either.”

Her jaw drops, and she glowers at me through a glassy sheen. A myriad of emotions cross her face, and just when I think she’s about to give in…her features harden. “Get. Out.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I feel cornered, trapped in some alternate reality. “You’re serious about sleeping out here?”

“Does it look like I’m joking?”

Rolling my head back, I stare at the ceiling, trying to keep my cool. “It was a little pot, Ray.”

“The fact that you think the only thing you’ve done wrong is smoke a blunt is…sad, Nicholas. It’s just freaking sad.”

“Then tell me what the fuck I did so I can make it right.” I fist my hair, tugging the ends. “We don’t play games.” My chest draws tight, and the thin thread holding my control snaps. “Stop fucking with my head!”

She jerks back at my outburst, stunned speechless.

One of the twins starts crying. “Fuck!” I shout, punching the frame of the top bunk. There goes any chance I had of making up with her tonight. These kids are ruining everything.

Raven recovers, slamming her angry palms into my chest. “You’re such an asshole.” With tears tracking her cheeks, she makes her way to the crib, unzips it, and enfolds my daughter in her arms. “Shhhh,” she says, bouncing her. “It’s okay, sweet girl.”

Her soothing words are meant to comfort herself as much as the crying baby.

I stare after her stalking form, Ava wailing over her shoulder, and something inside of me cracks. Her tears are on constant loop in my mind.

I did this to her. I brought her here. Drove her to the brink.

This fragile girl before me doesn’t remotely resemble my Raven. She’s tough and always in control. She’s my fucking rock. And, I always assumed—indestructible.

That I’ve managed to break her is further proof that no one is safe with me.

I should do something. Like take that kid and let her sleep. But I don’t know the first thing to do with a crying baby. I rack my brain for a suitable solution…one that won’t traumatize either of these girls any further.

“I’ll call Lyle.” I reach to my back pocket for my cell. “They probably haven’t even left to go out yet.”

“Don’t you dare.” She reels around, her expression deadly serious. “You let that man have his night.”

“Then, tell me what to do,” I beg. “How can I help?”

Her expression softens slightly. “Think you can manage filling a sippy cup with milk and mixing in some of that chocolate powder?” She dips her head toward the counter.

“Yeah.” I move at warp speed, eager to assist, even in such a small way. “What’s wrong with her?” The pitch of her scream is like something from horror flick. My muscles draw tighter with every squeal.