Absolution(74)

“You can talk to me about last night if you want,” he offered. “I’m not gonna do anything stupid, I promise.”

She fiddled with the lid, biting her lip. “Thanks, but it’s fine. I wouldn’t know where to start, anyway.”

“Come on – talk to me.”

She hung her head. Something was definitely up. His imagination began to run wild. “What did he do?”

“What? Nothing, he didn’t do anything.”

“I swear to God, I’ll knock him straight into next week, if he so much as –”

“Oh for God’s sake, it’s not his fault, it’s mine!” She reached forward to put the coffee cup on the table in front of her.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she mumbled miserably.

“Do what?”

She stared at her hands in her lap, her fingers finding her grandmother’s ring and twirling it over and over until he had to fight the urge to lean over and physically stop her.

“Be near him,” she said finally. “Talk to him. Every time I look at him, I can see both of him.”

“Both of him?”

She shrugged, hair falling forward to partially obscure her face. “Who he was before, and who he is now.”

Finally, Callum understood what she was trying to say. He had seen it too. “He’s changed.”

“So have I,” she said quietly.



Three Years Earlier



“So what happens now?” Tom asked.

The doctor looked up from the chart in his hand and pushed his glasses further up his nose. “We’ll keep her in for a couple of days, for observation. Someone from the psych team will assess her tomorrow then contact you to talk things over and explain what happens next.”

“Is she awake now? Can we see her?” Maggie asked.

“Yes, she’s awake, and you can see her. She’s likely to be a little uncomfortable, though. She might also be withdrawn – possibly angry, maybe even embarrassed, just so you know what to expect, potentially.”

Callum nodded, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“Thank you,” Tom said quietly, and he and Callum exchanged a wary glance.

“Keep the visit short,” the doctor cautioned. “She’s been through an ordeal, she needs to rest. Save the questions until later, when she’s feeling stronger. Perhaps just two visitors, for now?”

Maggie enveloped Tom in a hug. “You and Callum should go to her. Tell her I love her and I’m thinking of her and I’ll see her tomorrow, when she’s feeling better.”

Callum nodded at Tom over her shoulder. Maggie pulled away, wiping her eyes.

“We won’t be long. Wait here, okay? I’ll take you home. I don’t want you driving, not like this,” Tom said, squeezing her shoulder.

Jane slipped her arm around Callum’s waist, leaning her head on his shoulder. He pulled her into a hug, her heart pounding next to his.

“Give her that, from me,” she said, releasing him and forcing a smile.

“I will.”

Tom and Callum followed the doctor down the hallway towards Ally’s room. Callum’s heart pounded. He had no idea what to say to her. Staring at her from the doorway, the hospital bed seemed to swallow her up and he was immediately reminded of the aftermath of the accident, twelve months earlier. This time though, Ally was awake and staring out the window of the small room. She made no indication of having heard them enter.

Exchanging a worried glance with Tom, he settled himself into the chair beside her bed. Tom stood beside him, and again all of this felt so familiar, yet so much worse this time.

“Hey,” he said quietly, tears gathering in his eyes. She looked so sad. Was she sad she tried to end it, or sad she failed? “How’re you feeling?”

He reached out for her hand and enclosed it in his own. She didn’t respond.

“You scared the shit out of me,” he whispered.

He remembered what the doctor said as he studied her. She didn’t look embarrassed or angry. She looked empty. “Maggie and Jane are here. They send their love.”

She continued to stare out the window as Tom laid a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up at him but Tom’s attention was firmly fixed on Ally. “Hey honey. How are you feeling?”

The love and helplessness reflected in Tom’s voice had Callum swallowing back tears. He felt as if wherever it was she had gone, she wasn’t coming back to them anytime soon.