Absolution(61)

Leaning against it, he pushed the empties across and waited his turn. This time, he didn’t really care that at least half a dozen pairs of eyes were trained on him. Dave was nowhere to be seen. Curious stares didn’t even register. He glanced over towards Ally, but her attention was focused on something across the room. His inner smile faded when he realised she was watching the dance-floor. Several couples and a few large groups were dancing, along with one guy who looked like he had already had more than his fair share tonight.

“Same again?” Harry asked.

Jack nodded and turned back to the bar. He watched Harry dispose of the empty bottles and grab another two beers. Money changed hands.

“Thanks,” Jack said, taking the bottles as Harry moved further down the bar to serve other patrons.

Ally was still enthralled by the dance-floor. He stood at the bar, watching her. What must it be like for her, knowing she couldn’t get up there with them? He remembered a time when she used to kick her shoes off and climb up on the table with Maggie and Jane, the three of them shaking their booties till someone dragged them down again. He remembered being that someone on more than one occasion, throwing her over his shoulder amid much laughter. The sadness, the intense longing he saw even from this distance, shredded his insides. Slowly, he made his way back to her through the crowd.

She glanced up as he put the bottles down on the table between them and slid into the booth.

“You looked miles away, just then,” he said before he could stop himself.

“Did I?”

She smiled, but he could tell she wasn’t really there. He felt as if he had interrupted something. He turned his attention back to the dance-floor, mostly to give her some time to compose herself. The drunken guy he had spotted earlier threw himself into a group of revelers before being promptly shoved aside. He lost his balance and careened into a table, sending the occupants scattering.

He smiled in spite of himself and turned back to Ally. “I think someone’s night is about to come to an abrupt end.”

She nodded, the tight smile still in place.

“Are you okay?” he asked cautiously, fully aware of the tightrope he was walking.

She didn’t answer immediately, taking a slow sip from the bottle in front of her. “Yeah, I’m fine. There are just times when I… ”

She glanced towards the dance-floor, frowning as if she was making a decision that might change the course of history. He waited patiently, but it became clear she wasn’t going to continue.

“Do you miss it?”

Idiot!

Why couldn’t he manage the simple task of keeping his foot out of his mouth?

“I miss a lot of things.”

The answer may have been casual, but the look in her eyes was the complete opposite. He kicked himself mentally again. He didn’t know if she meant for him to see that pain, but he had. Now he felt like an intruder, a voyeur. Worse still, he couldn’t pretend he hadn’t seen it.

“No one’s ever come straight out and asked me that before.”

“Probably because it’s a stupid question. I’m sorry, I didn’t – “

“Don’t ruin the moment by apologising,” she said, and he had to lean closer to hear her over the music. “It’s kind of refreshing, to be honest. No dancing around the subject – excuse the pun. But we don’t have to do this now, I’m pretty sure it’d spoil the mood. Let’s just talk about something else, okay?”

He sat back in the booth and nodded, curious but not willing to push it. If she wasn’t ready to discuss it yet, he could wait. He racked his brains for another topic instead. Something safer, this time.

“Okay. Well, why don’t you tell me about this exhibition of yours?”

“How did you know about that?”

“Dad’s got a couple of newspaper articles on his fridge.”

“That’s right, I’d forgotten about that. He was so great about it, really supportive.”

“It sounds like it’s kind of a big deal, according to the newspaper anyway.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

He watched her carefully from across the table, the chasm between them feeling smaller the more they talked. The music still made conversation challenging and the bar was still crowded, yet it seemed like they were the only two people in the room. She picked up her beer and drank slowly, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m happy for you. You deserve this,” he said.