Absolution(56)

“It wasn’t his fault. I told him not to.”

“So you just walked away and didn’t want to know anymore, is that it? Fresh slate? Never gave us a second thought?”

Jack tried to think of words that would explain what the last four years had been like but everything sounded trite by comparison. It didn’t matter what he had been through, only what he had put everyone else through by leaving. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Then what was it like?”

“I’m not going to make excuses for what I did. There’s nothing I can say that’s gonna make it sound noble or justified. But I didn’t just walk away and forget about you all either, trust me.”

“Where’d you learn to fight like that?” Callum asked abruptly.

“I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of. Leaving here that night isn’t exactly the end of that list.”

“Jesus,” Callum huffed. “Would a straight answer kill you?”

“I hung out in some shitty bars. I hung out with some shittier people.”

“That’s it? That’s all you got?”

“For now, yeah.”

He prayed that Callum would leave it at that. He didn’t want to have to lie to him but he wasn’t ready to share the truth yet, either. Jack cleared his throat and glanced out of the windshield again. The guys he had seen at the pool table were coming out of Barney’s together, laughing as they made their way down the street. Jealousy pulled at his gut.

“That used to be us, once upon a time,” he mumbled.

Callum followed his gaze. “Feels like a hundred years ago.”

Silence buzzed around them again.

“Do you love her?”

“What?” Jack glanced at him sharply.

“You heard me.”

After a moment, Jack nodded.

“What if she doesn’t feel the same?”

“Doesn’t matter. Even if she doesn’t love me, I’m not going anywhere.”

“What if she’s with someone else?”

“Is she with someone else?”

Callum regarded him sombrely for a moment before finally shaking his head. “No. But what if she was?”

“Then I’d deal with it. It wouldn’t make me take off again, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“You sound pretty sure of yourself.”

“First you tell me I’m not convincing anyone, now you say I’m too cocky?” Jack snapped. “Make up your damn mind.”

Callum regarded him critically. “So what now?”

"I don't know. One day at a time, I guess."

Callum nodded, stony-faced.

“I can see how close you two are and I’m glad she had you in her corner. I just want you to know that I’m grateful that you were there for her.”

Jack tried to force the heartache behind the words into the background. It didn’t matter how much it hurt him to say it, it was the truth.

“I did it for her, not for you.”

“I know.”

“Tom should’ve gotten this speech, too.”

A knife twisted in his gut. “I know he should’ve.”

He thought of his father and all the things he never got to say. He saw himself sitting in his car outside the cemetery gates earlier, afraid to go in.

“I think we’re done here,” Callum said, jolting Jack out of his guilt-trip.

“Yeah,” he murmured, fumbling with the door handle. “I should go. I guess I’ll see you around.”

“I guess so.”

Jack climbed out of the car, bone-weary suddenly. He watched Callum’s car disappear down the misty street until all that were left were red tail-lights, shining like devil’s eyes in the dark. He stared down at his bruised knuckles and flexed his fist a few times, remembering Andy McLeish’s words and the anger that had sprung up from deep inside when he heard them. Glancing over at Barney’s, the neon sign glowing in the eerie mist, he couldn’t help but think of simpler times.



It’s just a drink - it’s not a date.

It had been like a mantra all day. It was Jack’s suggestion that they meet for a drink. Ally had agreed, but as the day wore on, she was starting to think she wasn’t ready for this. It was too soon – and it was Barney’s, on a weekend. She hadn’t been to Barney’s on a weekend in over a year. Last time had been a disaster. A crowded bar was no place for someone with her mobility issues.