A Rake's Ruin (Devilish Lords #1)(30)
She blinked and looked away, that uncertainty filling her eyes as she avoided his gaze. “I thought I made myself clear the night of the ball, Galwin—”
“Please, call me Nicholas.”
Her gaze darted to his. “Fine. Nicholas.” She said it slowly as though trying it out on her tongue.
The informal, intimate name sounded delicious coming from her lips. Those lips which seemed to beg to be kissed. He couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away from that lush, pink pout.
She cleared her throat and he moved his eyes up to meet hers. “I thought I made myself clear, Nicholas. You do not need to feign infatuation on my account. There is no need to woo me in earnest. I am a grown woman and I am well aware of the true nature of our circumstances.”
“Are you?” he murmured. He studied her closely, hating the grim resignation in her eyes almost as much as her obvious inability to believe him.
Was it him? Did she find him so utterly untrustworthy that she could not begin to believe his words? Or was it something within her that resisted this connection that was between them?
Either way, he had to try to get through to her. They would be married soon enough and he longed to enter into that state with a clear understanding between them. And that meant starting this relationship with honesty, something which did not seem to come easily to either of them. She had spent a lifetime living behind a fa?ade, and he had grown accustomed to the elegant yet meaningless banter that came with flirtation and seduction.
They were two geniuses in the art of diversion and evasion. Perhaps that was what drew them together and helped forge this connection—the ability to see past the barriers and illusions. But it was also what kept them apart at this particular moment.
She was watching him warily, her arms still crossed protectively in front of her. He drew in a deep breath. There was nothing for it but to be blunt and hope for the best. “I have no need for your dowry.”
She stared at him in response. He couldn’t tell if she believed him or not. Finally, she said, “Then why did you agree to marry me?”
Now it was his turn to stare. It seemed they were forever meant to astound one another. Was she serious?
She was. He caught the uncertainty and the confusion. She honestly did not know, or perhaps could not comprehend.
Good God, what had happened to this beautiful young woman that honest emotions between a man and woman were such a foreign concept?
Or maybe it was just him. Yet again, he had to consider that perhaps it was just his reputation and her poor opinion of him that made it so difficult for her to comprehend. He would take back every night of wicked entertainment and meaningless pleasure if it meant seeing trust and belief in her eyes.
She didn’t pull away when he grasped her gloved hands in his. “I am marrying you because I care about you.”
She blinked at him and he could see his words had not affected her, not truly. Her lips turned down as her brows drew together. “I take back what I said about your friendship with Jed,” she said. “Clearly you are a devoted friend indeed if you feel such obligation to his sister. Believe me when I say I am grateful for your willing agreement to go along with this engagement.”
Her voice sounded so stilted. When she stopped to take a breath, he interrupted. “Claire Cleveland, do you really think I am so noble that I would willingly follow orders and marry a woman I did not care about just to appease some silly gossip or to please my friend?”
Her brows drew together more and he saw the confusion grow in her eyes.
“I am far more selfish than you give me credit for,” he said. “If I didn’t want this, I would have argued that it was one man’s word against ours. I would have asked for a delay in deciding this matter as we assessed how truly ruinous the nature of these rumors.”
Her lips pursed in disapproval. “Surely you would not have done that.”
He arched his brows, unsure whether to be amused or offended by her conflicting view of him. “You think so highly of me that you do not believe me capable of trying to fend off an enforced marriage if I did not wish it, yet you cannot seem to believe me when I tell you that I chose to marry you because it is what I desire.”
She opened her mouth as if to interrupt but he was not finished. He squeezed her hands and tugged her so she was pulled up against him, her soft curves pressing softly against his chest. “Please believe me when I say this. I want to marry you, Claire Cleveland. I am grateful that we were caught.”
He watched her eyes widen at that.
“Even if we had not been caught alone together, I would be courting you, or at least I would be attempting to woo you.”
She blinked rapidly at that. “Y-you… But why?”
He leaned forward with a groan of exasperation until his forehead was touching hers. “Because I care about you,” he repeated.
Because I love you.
He held back on that admission. She might need to hear the truth but he wasn’t certain she could handle that revelation, just as he wasn’t sure he was ready to say it. Once he did, his heart would be out of his hands. He would be placing it in her grasp, and he had no way of knowing what she would do with it.
Throw it on the ground in disgust, most likely.
He shook his head slightly. No, if he wanted her trust, he had to have faith in her as well. But that didn’t mean he needed to thrust them both into unchartered waters tonight. At this moment all he needed was a chance with her.