A Family Affair(67)

“Are you furious?” Jessie wanted to know.

“Now?” She gave a short laugh. “I’m furious with him for going on that damn rafting trip. And I wish he had told me, though I’m sure our marriage wouldn’t have survived that information. We nearly divorced over his brainless fling!”

“Do you suppose there were many others?” Jessie asked.

“I have no idea, but I wasn’t concerned. I didn’t spend my entire marriage being suspicious. I was alert but not suspicious. We had our ups and downs, but honestly, no more than most married couples. I had an epiphany recently. In the last year, your father thought we were growing apart. I think it was something else altogether. About six months before his death, Amy contacted him to let him know he was going to be a grandfather. Amy thought he should know. I think your dad was restless for any number of reasons—growing older, having made mistakes in his past, not achieving all he had hoped for and, not the least, having a child no one knew about. I have wondered some things I’ll never have answers for—like, was he planning to come clean about his secret child? There was one thing I know about your dad. He was always one to unburden himself. He liked to admit his errors, wipe the slate clean, apologize and suggest a fresh start.”

“Is that where I got it?” Michael grumbled.

“I say this from experience, Michael. It’s easier in the long run not to do things for which you have to beg for forgiveness.”

“And I bet infidelity is a real game changer,” Jessie said. “How’d you manage to forgive him?”

“Instead of deciding whether or not I could forgive him, I worked on strengthening myself. I worked on my own confidence, which was sadly lacking. I went to law school. I worked on me. I thought it was my only choice because I couldn’t support myself and two children on a secretary’s salary and at that time in our young lives your father didn’t earn enough to support two households. At the time we stayed together because it was the most practical thing to do. Over the years I realized how hard your dad was trying to make amends and how much time and energy he was putting into being a good father. Eventually I got tired of being angry and was too busy to spend my energy that way. It took a lot of self-talk but I traded my anger for gratitude.”

“And you fell in love again?” Jessie asked.

“More importantly, I grew to like my husband. To respect him. His blunder might have been a big one, but at the end of the day, he came through for us.”

“I think you came through, too,” Jessie said very softly.

“Thank you, Jess. That’s so kind of you to say.”

“Can you tell us about this woman? Amy?”

She began to tell them what she knew, almost all limited to Amy lately—that she was married to a doctor, worked as a nurse practitioner, had been very close to her mother and was now a new mother herself. “How ironic that Amy’s situation and mine are so similar. Grandma Blanche was involved with a man who turned out to be married and she chose to have and raise me alone. Just like Amy’s mom.”

“It sounds as if you like her,” Michael said, and he had a bit of a bitter tone when he said it.

“As a matter of fact, I do. I haven’t seen her in a while but I did call her and tell her about the stroke and how overwhelmed I’ve been since it happened. But yes, I like her. And the baby is precious. But there’s no reason you have to make a unanimous decision about whether or not you want to know her. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to each make your own choice. As for that money—”

“It’s not about the money,” Jessie said.

“I don’t want her money,” Michael said.

“How much money?” Bess asked.

Anna laughed. The kids were so different in disposition but she had grown to really appreciate each of them. “The same amount as each of you, Bess. Can I just give my opinion about that? Amy told me that your father...her father...contributed to her education when she was in college. He did so without drawing any attention to himself but her mother later told her he had helped. In what amount, I have no idea. But he helped with school. I’m so happy to know that—it was his obligation, in my mind. And he left her a little something. I’m happy about that, as well.”

“You’re not jealous?” Jessie asked.

“I went through that stage thirty years ago. Now I’m just glad he did the right thing. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to write down Amy’s number for each of you. Take your time in thinking about contacting her and it’s all right if you don’t. When I speak to her next, I’ll tell her you’re informed and she may hear from any one of you.” They all nodded, looking around the table and making eye contact with each other. “Good, then let’s kill this pizza,” Anna said.

Later that night, Anna was sitting in her bed with her TV on and a book in her lap when Jessie tapped lightly at the door. Anna called for her to come in and was secretly glad for the company. She’d been thinking about calling Joe but she’d rather not. She feared she was using Joe as some kind of crutch or distraction, and holding him at arm’s length was so exhausting. She really wanted to collapse into his arms and feel the ease and comfort of having a treasured friend, a new lover, care about her.

“You’re still up?” Jessie asked.