A Family Affair(37)

For a while, that seemed the answer, for Patrick was the most wonderful, tender and powerful lover. But after sleeping for a couple of hours, she startled awake, her head pounding.

Jenn called Michael and in her cheery little voice said, “I’ve made the most wonderful batch of enchiladas and I’d love to share it with you.”

“That’s so sweet, but I can’t really go out tonight. I have to do a little laundry and I have some lesson plans to work on. I’ve got football practice every day and have no extra time.”

“That’s all right, Mike. I’ll bring the enchiladas to you.”

“My apartment is kind of a mess...”

“So I’ll help you straighten up while you work on your lessons.”

“You’re determined, aren’t you?” he asked, adding a little laugh, hoping to lighten up the message.

“If you’d rather not have company, just say so,” she said.

He thought for a moment. “Enchiladas sound good.”

“I’ll pack it up and see you soon!”

So then tonight would be the night, he thought with despair and fear. He would break up with her.

Over the enchiladas she made because he loved them? Classy.

Jenn was one of the best girls he’d ever dated and he was crazy about her. She was a beautiful girl with creamy skin and long, soft brown hair. When he looked into her eyes, they reflected the same blue as his, but lighter. She was funny and had a gentle, kind and patient nature. She taught second grade; she would have to be patient. But maybe the most important thing about her was she wasn’t given to melodrama. So many young women her age were teetering on the fine ledge of high drama. He wasn’t so sure they didn’t welcome it!

Not Jenn. She came from a pretty functional family who seemed to laugh through their quirky dysfunctions, kind of like his own family in that way. Jenn had a granny who enjoyed her vodka and she was hilarious when she’d had a couple. Michael had Blanche, who didn’t drink much but her crusty demeanor and sailor’s mouth made them all laugh and Blanche just enjoyed the heck out of it.

Jenn loved teaching and she wanted to have a family someday. She considered educating to be custom fit to her future plans. She thought she could continue to work while she raised her children. Since Michael loved coaching and teaching, her plans were well suited to his.

And he loved her. She was steadfast and honorable. She was decent and yet the sexiest woman he’d ever been with. She turned him on like mad, though his libido hadn’t been working too well since his dad died.

So why break up? It was complicated but he knew what his relationship with Jenn meant he should do. He should ignore his feelings of fear and inadequacy, propose, marry her and they should settle into the life where they had so much in common and have a family together. They would be so happy, teaching and enjoying life in a friendly little northern California town.

But the thought terrified him and he felt frozen. Ever since his father died he was suddenly afraid of being a husband and father. He’d never measure up to the kind of man his father had been. Chad McNichol was always wise, always kind and funny and supportive. And what if, like his father, he brought children into the world and then died? They would feel as bereft and lost as he was feeling and that would be a tragedy. Better to not go there if he couldn’t perform. From what he was feeling now, he couldn’t hold a candle to the kind of father he’d had.

He heard his front door opening. Jenn used pot holders to carry the hot glass baking dish into his apartment. There was a bag on the ground behind her. She was all smiles, her cheeks a little pink from cooking and her eyes bright in anticipation of seeing him. “Michael, grab that bag, will you please?”

“What’s in here?” he asked, grabbing the bag by its handles.

“Sour cream, salsa, chips, avocado, a couple of extra tortillas. Hungry?”

He put the bag on the counter and reached a hand into the soft curling hair that fell over her shoulder. She turned her head and kissed his palm.

“Let’s put the enchiladas in the oven to stay warm and have a glass of wine,” he said.

“Wonderful.” She got the glasses while he got the wine. They were equally comfortable in each other’s apartments and spent the night together several times a week. Until Michael’s father passed away. Since then it had been less frequent.

They sat at the small, round dining table in front of the window. In Michael’s apartment there was actually a view of the courtyard and pool area rather than another building or a parking lot. Jenn had no view whatsoever; she occupied a small one-bedroom with windows that looked straight at a brick wall that belonged to her neighbors. She had suggested a couple of times that they could pool their resources and look for something a little nicer. He had just said, “Maybe.”

“Listen, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. Things between us have been pretty strained since my dad died. It’s not your fault, but we can’t ignore the fact that we’re not as good as we were.”

She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I haven’t been worried about it, Michael. But it’s not your fault, either. You and your dad were so close. I’m sure this has a lot to do with the grieving process.”

“I’m screwed up, Jenn. I’m just not sure of anything right now. It’s probably because of my dad’s death, but it’s affecting how I feel about everything.”