A Family Affair(32)

Her phone chimed and she saw that it was Joe. She thought about letting it go to voice mail but instead she answered and blubbered. In her head she was making perfect sense but into the phone she was just tossing out random words like lost my mother, and Chad’s secret family, and I just don’t think I can take much more. Finally she said, “I’m sorry. I just can’t talk about it now. I’m at the end of my rope.” She was still crying, sounding a bit out of control.

“Anna, where are you?” Joe asked.

This was personally so humiliating. She never fell apart. She argued emotional and complicated cases all the way to the Supreme Court and never caved into tears. Even Chad had rarely seen her cry and never like this. And it just wouldn’t stop.

She disconnected. She would call him back after she got control and could actually speak. She turned off her phone. After about ten frustrating minutes, she stripped and got in the shower, letting the warm water run over her while she cried.

Joe had been visiting his daughter, Melissa, and on his way home when he passed the Mill Valley exit he thought of Anna. It had been almost a week since he had talked to her. He pulled up her number on the dashboard and called. The connection wasn’t very good, what with the freeway and engine noise, but even so he could tell she was crying. The gist of what she was saying was that her mother had died and she didn’t want to talk because she was at the end of her rope. Then she rang off.

He tried calling her back straightaway but his call went directly to voice mail. He drove probably five miles before he decided to go to her house to make sure she was okay. When he thought of all she’d been through lately, his feeling about that brief exchange was not good. He hadn’t ever thought of Anna as depressed or suicidal—she was the most stable and capable woman he knew. But as he drove toward her house, he became more desperate. He hadn’t been in touch with her for several days. What if she’d spiraled downward and he missed the signals, having been out of touch.

When he arrived at her house, his fears only intensified. The garage door was closed but he could hear the car engine running inside. He tried banging on the front door, but there was no response. He had to climb over the locked gate into the backyard but was rewarded by finding the kitchen slider unlocked. He opened it and called her name, then went immediately to the garage. He had to step over her discarded shoes and her purse, dropped with the contents spilling out. “Anna!” he yelled.

The car was still running in the garage but there was no one inside so he turned it off and doubled back into the house. He picked up the purse, absently scooping the contents back inside. Once inside, he called out again, “Anna!” And again, “Anna!” He walked through the kitchen, great room, into the hall, calling her name as he went.

“What are you doing?” she said. She stood in her bedroom doorway, wrapped in a terry-cloth bathrobe, her wet hair dripping onto her shoulders.

“Oh, Anna, thank God,” he said. Before he could stop himself, he rushed to her and pulled her into his arms. “Thank God!”

She stood still against him. “Thank God for what?” she asked.

“Thank God you’re okay! You scared me to death. You were crying hysterically! You said you were at the end of your rope! I had no idea what you might do.”

She pulled back from him slightly. “That I might take a shower must not have come to mind...”

“The car was still running in the garage,” he said a bit desperately. “You had sounded so...out of control.”

“Yes, that,” she said, dropping her gaze. “For a little while I had lost my mind.” She shook her head. “Humiliating.”

He was still holding her upper arms. “Anna. Your mother? You lost your mother?”

“Well, not in the usual way. Blanche is thoroughly alive, but while I was visiting with her she asked after her daughter. Me. She didn’t know it was me.”

It took a moment for Joe to digest that. Then he just grabbed her close in his arms again. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

“I should have been prepared,” she said. “I knew it was only a matter of time. In fact, we got a lot of time, thanks to a good doctor and the right medication. But somehow I thought it would happen more slowly, not a normal visiting day gone suddenly around the bend. One minute she was asking about the kids and the next asking me if I knew her daughter.” She laid her head on Joe’s shoulder as if that last statement made her weirdly tired. Her hands rested lightly on his arms and she said, “Joe? Is this my purse?”

He pulled back a bit. “It was on the garage floor and the car was running. I picked it up but I don’t know what I was planning to do with it. Give it to you, I guess.”

“Whew, I guess I was really out of my head.”

“So you decided to take a shower?” he asked.

“It was gut instinct,” she said. “The weight of the last several months coupled with all the unknowns and possible new revelations. My head was spinning. I felt so lost. I couldn’t stop crying. So I decided to give up and cry and went into the shower to do it.”

“And did it work?” he asked.

“I think I was in there a half hour,” she said. “I don’t think I have a tear left. I’m a little tired...”

“When did you last eat?”

“I don’t know. I think a half bagel this morning. But it was a full day.”