A Covert Affair (Deadly Ops #5)(41)

She hummed in contentment. “And early this morning.”

His chest rumbled with light laughter as one of his hands slid down to graze her butt. He stroked over it before cupping her. He didn’t make a move for anything more, though, as if he understood she didn’t want anything else right now. “I can’t get enough of you.”

“It’s weird to be here with you after so long.” They hadn’t talked last night or this morning. Not real talking anyway. Just lots and lots of sex. Making up for lost time. At least that was how it had felt to her.

“I know. I thought about looking you up a few months ago.”

She stiffened slightly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I was in an . . . accident, about three months back. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but you were the first person I thought of.”

She hated the thought of him being injured. At least he was okay now. “You didn’t look me up, though.” He’d seemed so damn surprised to see her at the auction and he’d flat-out told her he hadn’t known she’d changed her last name. If he’d looked her up, he’d have known all that before.

“No. I started to but kept coming up with one excuse after another not to really follow through.”

Her skin turned clammy. This conversation could take a disturbing turn very quickly. Being real with each other and opening up meant she walked a fine line with him until she came clean about why she’d ended things—because she knew he’d point-blank ask her soon enough. She figured he’d held off because he hadn’t wanted to stress her out before her date with Mercado. “Why did your mother and grandmother stop talking? You never told me,” she said, needing to stall.

He shrugged underneath her. “It wasn’t one thing, but a lifetime of arguing for those two. My mom hated being poor—not that anyone actually likes it—and didn’t understand why my abuela wouldn’t move away from her neighborhood. My abuela, on the other hand, didn’t understand my mom’s desperate need to put distance between her and the people she’d grown up with. She thought my mom was denying her roots even when she wasn’t. She just . . . wanted more from life, wanted me to have more than she had.” He let out a short, harsh laugh. “It’s why she gave me such an American name. It was a fucking mess with those two, always arguing and picking at one another. Finally my mom just lost it one day, said I could keep seeing my abuela, but she was cutting the toxicity out of her life.”

“I’m sorry.” Guilt pricked at Amelia for asking. He probably didn’t want to talk about that any more than she wanted to talk about her nightmare. They’d been together for over a year when they were teenagers, but she’d never pressed him. Back then they’d just been so wrapped up in each other—and she’d been full of hormones. Now she still apparently had those crazy hormones, but she was a lot more curious about his family.

“It’s okay. They never pulled me into it. I hated it, but . . .” He shrugged again and rolled Amelia until she was under him.

She slid her arms up his chest before linking her fingers behind his neck. His erection pressed insistently against her abdomen as he looked down at her. “Why’d you change your last name?”

“Mainly to sever ties with her.” She didn’t need to spell out who for him. “But I wanted something that was mine. Choosing gave me a sort of power.”

His lips quirked up at the corners, his eyes going all heavy-lidded again. Just like that, a wave of heat swept through her. “I like it.”

She’d like the sound of Amelia Ortiz a lot more. As soon as the thought entered her mind, she was grateful he couldn’t read it. That was the last thing she should be thinking of and it embarrassed her that she’d even thought it. This thing with them was . . . well, she didn’t know what it was. It was more than casual, at least for her, but she couldn’t and wouldn’t expect more from him.

“Are you on the pill?” he asked suddenly, the question taking her off guard.

“No.” There hadn’t been a need in a long time.

“Get on it.”

She blinked in surprise at the heated statement—the way he basically ordered her. It should annoy her, and it sort of did, but that demanding voice still made heat bloom inside her. Who was she kidding? Nathan on top of her was the main reason for the ridiculous heat wave taking over her entire body. “You’re very bossy.”

“Yep.” He nipped her bottom lip with his teeth as he rolled his hips against her.

She let her eyes drift closed again as their tongues started to tangle. The demand for her to go on the pill implied that he wanted more than just right now. At that thought, the fears she’d barely been keeping at bay flared to the surface again, clawing, clawing, clawing. She couldn’t be a coward anymore.

She had to tell him. She pulled her head back. “Nathan—”

His phone buzzed across her dresser, making her jump as he simply sighed and cursed under his breath. He grabbed it, his jaw tight as he swiped in his code. His expression grew even darker when he looked at the message. “I hate to do this, but I’ve gotta go.” He was already moving off her as he said it.

Relief slid through her that she’d been given just a little reprieve from full honesty. “You want me to fix you something to eat?” She doubted he had time, but she could whip something up for him. The chef side of her hated to send him off without food.