Within These Walls (Within These Walls #1)(50)

“It’s cute.”

“You mean, it’s sexy,” I said with a waggle of my eyebrows as I scooped mint chocolate chip onto a cone.

“Mmm…yes, that, too.”

I’d managed to keep her laughing all afternoon while I served up ice cream cones to the entire staff who managed to find their way to the ice cream without any directions or invitations. Lailah was ecstatic for the commotion and welcomed everyone, talking to doctors and nurses for hours as I played host.

Who knew Jude, the loner, could be so charismatic?

She’d brought that back—the old, lighter version of myself, the part I’d thought died when I watched Megan take her last breath.

I still visited the hallway. It wasn’t often, but I’d been down there briefly—hovering and waiting…for something. For what, I didn’t know.

Am I waiting for a divine sign from my fiancée, telling me everything is as it should be? To hear her voice saying it’s okay to love again?

Fuck, I don’t know.

I still felt the pull between my old life and the new one that seemed to be surfacing, but the guilt was shifting. When I walked the hallway and sat on my bench, looking at the closed door that had belonged to Megan for a brief few days, I would feel guilty for being there, for not sharing this part of myself with a woman who I was supposed to love.

When you love someone, you tell her everything, including the fact that you love her.

But I hadn’t had the courage to do so.

It was still there, on the tip of my tongue.

I’d had so many opportunities over the last few days, yet as I lay in bed, holding her in my arms, I knew I’d let the moments slip by like dust in the wind. Each time I had, I would picture myself back in that lonely hallway, and I hated it. I hated that I was still stuck when everything that lay ahead of me appeared so crystal clear, yet felt so damn murky.

The ice cream parlor had been such a huge success that I’d waltzed into the hospital today, ready for another one. It was my first day off after six nights straight. After a brief stop at a nearby strip mall, I’d arrived just a few hours before lunch, ready to spend the entire day with her.

“You want another one?” She placed her latest paperback down on the bed as she swung her feet over the side.

Her toes dangled in the air, and I caught a flash of lavender nail polish glinting off her big toe. She watched me drop the white paper bag near her bed, but she didn’t say anything.

“Yep, hit me,” I answered with a grin.

She looked up at me, her hands resting close to her knees, as her feet continued swaying back and forth.

She’s so damn cute.

“Okay, number forty-three—dance in the rain.” Her eyes sparkled with unshed laughter.

“You want a place holder for that?” I asked in genuine shocked.

“Yep. I mean, you brought an entire ice cream parlor, complete with sprinkles and cherries, here yesterday. How hard can a little rain be?” She threw in a flirty wink at the end just to spite me.

My nervous babbling girl had quickly transformed into a quick-witted temptress, and I liked it.

“You couldn’t have picked something easier? No, you had to go with rain—in the hospital,” I added.

“Well,” she started, drawing out the word with her melodic voice, “if it’s too hard—”

I didn’t even let her finish. I just stepped forward, closing the small gap between us, and I grabbed her hand. Her eyes widened, and laughter came bursting out of her.

“What are you doing?” she yelped.

I briskly walked us into the bathroom. “Making it rain,” I answered.

I kicked off my shoes and pulled out my cell phone and keys, remembering I still had yet to reveal the contents of what lay hidden in the mystery bag I’d brought.

I mentally shrugged. That can wait. It’s time for some waterworks.

I turned toward her, and she had this what-did-I-get-myself-into look.

I smirked and lunged, hauling us both into the shower. I reached for the handle and turned. Cold water immediately fell onto our heads from the showerhead above.

“Oh my God, you’re nuts! We’re completely clothed and drenched!”

“Well, if we were naked, it would just be a shower.” My eyes raked over her soaked body, loving the way her clothes clung to every inch. “But now that you mention it, a shower sounds really good right now.”

Her breath hitched, and her crystal-blue eyes met mine.

There were so many possibilities in that single moment.

“But you wanted to dance in the rain, so the clothes stay on—for today,” I added with a wolfish grin.

Not pushing her against that ugly white tile and showing her everything I wanted to do to her in that moment was physically painful. But I’d made a promise to her and myself. This was not how I would be making her mine. Angels didn’t swoop down from heaven to be treated like something ordinary. I’d never been given a gift like the one Lailah was choosing to give me. Until now, I hadn’t really considered virginity much more than a drunken interlude one leaves behind in high school. That was how mine had come and gone. Megan had seriously dated someone through much of high school, and although I’d never wanted specifics, I knew they had been intimate.

Lailah’s life could pretty much be summed up within the walls of this hospital. Her illness—this defect she’d been born with had soaked up and stolen almost every minute of her existence. I’d be damned if I was going to let it take anything else.