When You're Ready (Ready #1)(73)

~Logan~

“So, you just let her go?” Gabe asked hesitantly as he entered the living room.

I didn’t bother looking up, continuing to strum my fingers on the strings of the guitar. The melody changed haphazardly from one song to the next, mimicking my thoughts.

A complete clusterf*ck of chaos.

“Yup,” I said.

“You’re not going to run after her? Fight for her?” he inquired, settling himself on the sofa opposite from me.

“Nope. This is something she’s got to figure out.”

“And you really broke up with her, hoping she wouldn’t find out?”

It had been a dumbass move, I’ll admit to that.

“I was trying to protect her,” I explained as I plucked out the notes to “I Gave You All” by Mumford and Sons, before switching to something by Oasis, which was a little less depressing. Apparently, I was in a British mood tonight.

“Man, a little heads up, woman hate when you make decisions for them.”

“The ball’s in her court now,” I muttered.

“Oh, that’s good. Right? I mean, she’ll come back?”

God, I hoped so. I’d resigned myself to a life without her. My booze and I would live a very miserable life together, in hell, and that would be that. But when I walked in my door today, and saw her in the kitchen, all I wanted to do was fall at her feet, and beg forgiveness. When she became so angry at me for making such a crucial decision without her, I let myself hope that she would follow me, no matter where life may lead us. But I couldn’t chance it. It had to be real. I couldn’t be a constant reminder of Ethan’s death. To win her back now, and lose her all over again when she decided it was too hard? It would end me.

So, I let her go. Gave her time. And now I waited.

It f**king blew.

“So, we’re cool, Logan?” Gabe asked, leaning back into the couch. Realizing this conversation wasn’t going to end soon, I set my guitar down, grabbed the glass of bourbon I’d poured myself and settled into the sofa opposite him.

“Yeah, man. We’re cool. No hard feelings. You and Melanie look really happy,” I answered honestly.

“We are. She’s my world.”

“I’m happy for both of you, really,” I affirmed. “So, parenting huh?” It was a vain attempt to lighten the mood and change the subject. I couldn’t handle any more heavy shit today.

“Yeah,” Gabe said, getting a goofy grin all over his face.

“I’m scared shitless. Every day, her belly grows, and we get one day closer. I mean, I’m excited, but I am a complete mess,” he confessed.

“You’ll be great, Gabe. You’ll hold that child in your arms and you’ll instantly fall in love, needing to protect her and your family above all else,” I said, thinking of Maddie and how much I already missed her.

“You sound like a father,” he smiled.

“I guess I do.”

“I hope everything works out for you Logan,” he said sincerely.

“Me too, Gabe. Me too.”

Chapter Seventeen

~Clare~

It had been an entire week. I could only come up with so many more excuses for Logan’s absence before Maddie clued in that something was wrong. I told her he had to go on a trip, he had to work late, and that he had a cold. I was running out of options. She’d caught me crying at least three times, and I’d brushed it off, blaming anything from allergies to my contact lenses. She was a smart girl and she was bound to figure it out sooner or later. I needed to make my decision or tell her. My stomach churned in response.

When I’d left Logan’s house last week, I was so angry with him. I didn’t need time! I knew what I wanted, and it was him. I didn’t care what he had or how bad the cancer was. We were in love and we would get through it, right? That was until I walked into the front door of my house. I saw the couch where I had cared for Ethan after his numerous chemo treatments. I walked past the guest room which eventually became his when he had to move into a hospital bed. As I took a shower, I remembered having to bathe him when he was too weak to do so himself. I collapsed into a worthless pile on the shower floor, letting yet another round of tears take over.

I didn’t understand. Did fate hate me? Why give me love only to have it end like this? Logan was my second chance. I had gone through the horror of losing my husband, and had come to terms with living a life alone. Fate showed up and gave me Logan, and I fell in love. It was so easy, knowing I had an entire lifetime to love someone again. But, that was all ripped away last week when Logan told me he had cancer. Now I had to decide how strong I was, how much I was willing to give up again for love.

With Ethan, I had no choice. He was my husband, the father of my child. I stood by his side and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Could I be so choosy with Logan? Could I actually walk away?

No, I couldn’t. But I was afraid to take the first step.

I paced the floors back and forth for days, wondering what he was doing, how he was feeling, but was never able to take the leap and walk out the door.

The house was quiet now. It had been quiet a lot lately. Me and my good buddy Silence had been hanging out quite a bit.

Leah, my constant rock, had been the great distractor this week, taking Maddie all over the city. They had visited the zoo and gone to a baseball game. Maddie was in heaven and I couldn’t thank Leah enough. I needed the time alone, as selfish as it was.