When You're Ready (Ready #1)(68)

“Right after we got back from New York. He got a call when we landed at the airport and he’s been distracted and moody ever since. He usually shares his entire schedule with me, but now I don’t know where he is most of the time, except when he’s at work, and he doesn’t answer many of my calls. You don’t think he’s changed his mind, do you?” I asked, biting my lip in worry.

“About what? You? No. That man is head over heels in love with you. You can just flip a switch like that,” she assured me.

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. I set down the knife and dumped the rest of the vegetables into the bowl. Today, Logan and I were hosting our first cookout together. I had brought up the idea when we got home from the wedding. He’d nodded absently, looking at something on his phone and said he thought it was a good idea, but hadn’t mentioned it since. It was a good idea, right? I wasn’t moving too fast, was I?

No, no...I was being ridiculous. He told me he loved me, and wanted to be with me forever. He wouldn’t change his mind all the sudden.

“I’m sure he’s just planning on proposing or something like that. Men get all sorts of weird when they decide to pop the question. Don’t you remember what Ethan was like the weeks before he asked you?”

Yes, I do. He was a nervous wreck. Fumbling and tripping over himself. If I had known that was what he was planning, and the reason he was such a nervous ball of energy, I would have just done it for him.

“You’re right. I’m sure it’s nothing,” I said, trying to convince myself.

“Exactly. Besides, men are known for having PMS symptoms occasionally. It’s like a scientific fact. So, it could just be his time of the month,” she teased, causing me to roll my eyes and laugh. But I silently thank her. I needed that. Even though I told her I agreed and it must be nothing, there was still a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me something was wrong. That soon, my world was going to come crashing down, again. And I didn’t know if I was strong enough to pick up the pieces again.

~Logan~

It was ironic how a single phone call can change your life. Some for the better, others for the worse. Clare, Maddie and I had stepped off that plane several weeks ago and I was elated. I had a plan. The ring was in my pocket, like a beacon and symbol for the rest of my life, and then my damn phone rang, and everything changed.

It took one moment for me to walk into that exam room that held Clare and Maddie and have my entire world changed. It took a single phone call for it to come crashing down like a pile of rubble.

“I bet you know how that feels, huh?” I asked the four foot granite slab my body was slumped against. It didn’t answer back. I took another swig from the half emptied body of amber colored whiskey I’d been working on since arriving here some time ago, feeling the liquid burn all the way down to my belly. I didn’t know what brought me to that specific spot, but after leaving the hospital, I didn’t know where else to go.

“I’m in love with your wife. Just thought you should know,” my words slurred and eyes were blurry as I tried focusing on the words in front of me.

Ethan Oliver Murray. Loving Husband, Father, Son. His grave laid before me, a living testament to the love he and Clare shared. The love she lost and grieved every f**king day.

I pulled out the ring I had been carrying with me for weeks and held it to the light, watching it sparkle and flash, imagining how it would look on Clare’s finger. Knowing now, I would never know.

Logan, is there anyone we can call?

No, there’s no one.

Bringing the bottle to my lips again, I let out a harsh laugh, hating the irony of it all. How could fate hate us so much? What was the point of it all if it was supposed to end like this? Why show me how to love if I had to give it up?

“How did you do it, Ethan? How did you let her go?” I asked, hating the thought.

I don’t know what I expected to hear in return. All I got was silence. Nothing but f**king silence.

I hadn’t come here for answers. I knew what I had to do. It would kill me, but I couldn’t put her through this. She deserved better.

She may hate me, but at least she’d never have to lose me like this, I thought, giving one final glance at Ethan’s final resting place.

~Clare~

It was really late when the knock on the door startled me awake. I rushed from the couch, throwing the blanket off my lap to open the door.

“Logan!” I cried, so happy to see his face.

He was dripping wet, rain pouring down his lean body, drenching his hair and clothes. I leaped into his arms, not caring about his water soaked state, needing to feel him, solid and safe in my arms.

“I’ve been so worried. I tried calling half a dozen times. Where have you been?” I rattled off a million questions, holding him tight.

The cookout had been over for hours and he had been a complete no show. Our first couple hosted event and I had to make excuses for him all night. When the evening wore on and he still wasn’t answering his phone, I became worried, and then worried turned into frantic. I called hospitals, and police departments and then finally fell asleep on the couch in tears, convinced he had left me for good.

His arms wrapped around me tightly, for one brief second, before pushing me away completely.

“I’m sorry, I had some things I needed to think about,” he answered coldly.