Wanted by Her Lost Love (Pregnancy & Passion #2)(37)

She stared up at the ceiling as she lay in bed.

Yeah, it did. It really did. She couldn’t go through their life together knowing it was in the back of Ryan’s mind that she’d slept with someone else when she’d promised to be faithful to him.

She had to accept that what she really feared was that when she did confront Ryan, he’d reject her all over again, and if that happened, she knew she couldn’t spend her life with someone who didn’t trust her.

She was a coward, but it was the cold, hard truth that fear was what held her back. Not pride. Not anything else. She knew that if he didn’t believe her this time they could never be together.

Not wanting the weight of anxiety to bear down on her today, she shook the bleak thoughts from her mind and crawled out of bed. She padded into the living room to see that Ryan had turned the fire on for her.

To her further surprise, she found a breakfast tray waiting for her on the table with bagels, cheese and an assortment of fruit.

But what caught her eye was the tiny pair of yellow baby booties.

She picked up the soft, fuzzy little booties, her throat knotting as she read the accompanying card.

Because you said you didn’t have a pair yet. Love, Ryan.

She sank into the seat, her eyes stinging with tears. She held the booties to her cheek and then touched the card, tracing the scrawl of his signature.

“I shouldn’t love you this much,” she whispered. God, but she couldn’t help herself. She craved him. He was her other half. She didn’t feel whole without him.

And so began a courting ritual that tugged on her heartstrings.

Every morning when she crawled out of bed, there was a new present waiting for her from Ryan.

There was a baby book that outlined everything she could expect from birth through the first year of life. One morning he left her two outfits. One for a boy and one for a girl. Just in case, he had written.

On the fifth morning, he simply left her a note that told her a gift was waiting in the extra bedroom.

Excited, she hurried toward the bedroom she’d once occupied and threw open the door to see not one present but a room full of baby things.

A stroller. A crib that was already put together. A little bouncy thing. An assortment of toys. A changing table. She couldn’t take in all the stuff that was there. She didn’t even know what all of it was for.

How on earth had he managed to sneak this in without her hearing?

And there by the window was a rocking chair with a yellow afghan lying over the arm. She walked over and reverently touched the wood, giving the chair an experimental push.

It creaked once and then swayed gently back and forth.

Already her feet protested her being up, so she moved the blanket and sat, staring around at the room full of treasures for their child.

She had been more tired in the past couple of days, but she’d been careful not to worry Ryan. He’d worked so hard to make each day special for her.

If possible, she had fallen more deeply in love with him than ever before.

Tonight was the dinner with his friends and his mother, but even that couldn’t dim her excitement or her happiness. And maybe that had been his plan all along. To take extra measures to make sure she knew that he supported her against any possible animosity or disdain.

It had certainly worked, because she couldn’t imagine anything they could do or say that would make the cloud she walked on evaporate.

Ryan cared about her. He wanted to marry her. What else mattered?

She hugged that thought to her later as she picked through her clothing, trying to find the perfect outfit to wear to the dinner.

Before, it wouldn’t even occur to her that an outfit was too sexy or revealing. If it looked good on her, and if she knew Ryan would like it, that was her only criteria.

But now she worried that with the sentiment already being that she was a…slut…she would merely perpetuate that belief if she wore anything that wasn’t ultraconservative. And that pissed her off. She shouldn’t care what these people thought of her. But it wasn’t that easy. They were important to Ryan and Ryan was important to her.

Warm hands suddenly stole over her body, sliding around to her belly. She was drawn into a hard chest and sensual lips nibbled at her neck.

She sighed and relaxed into Ryan, her pulse speeding up.

“Is there a particular reason you’re standing in your closet staring at your clothes?” he murmured against her ear.

She turned and laced her arms around his neck as she rose up on tiptoe to kiss him. “You’re home early.”

“Couldn’t wait to see you. So what’s with the closet?”

Her lips twisted into a frown and she let out a disgruntled sigh. “Just trying to find something to wear tonight. Something that doesn’t make me look like the tramp they think I am.”

Ryan’s expression gentled and he trailed a finger over her cheekbone. Taking her arms, he backed out of her closet and toward the bed until the back of his legs bumped against the mattress.

He sat down and pulled her down with him.

“You’ll look beautiful no matter what you wear. Stop worrying so much.”

“I know. It’s silly. I can’t help it. I’m nervous.”

“I don’t want you to worry, Kell. The past is in the past. I don’t know that I’ve ever said the words, but I forgive you. And if I can forgive you then they should be able to do the same.”