Waiting On You (Blue Heron #3)(122)

He always had been.

The realization lifted a weight off her heart. Oddly enough, she suddenly felt fond of her father. That being said...

“I think you could do a lot better, Mom.”

“Thanks a lot, Colleen,” her father said wearily. “I think I deserve a little more gratitude, having raised you and put you through college, but I suppose it’s more fun to demonize me.”

“‘Demonize’ sounds cooler than you deserve,” she said. “No, Dad. You’re a man who doesn’t appreciate what he has, and thinks he has carte blanche to pop in and out of people’s lives when he feels like it.”

“Thank you for that assessment.”

“I have more,” she said. “You were a crappy father to Connor and me. You were condescending toward Mom, and you only paid attention to us when you felt like it, not when we needed it. And the second the Tail got pregnant with Savannah, all we were was inconvenient.”

“You were also adults.”

“That doesn’t mean we didn’t miss you, Dad. Even if you were an ass and remain an ass to this day. So far as I can tell, you have one redeeming quality. You’re great with Savannah.”

“Gee. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Anyway, I’m just here to say hi. I love you both, even if you drive me crazy. Mom, let’s have lunch this week, okay? Get back to your disgusting hobbies, you two.”

“Wait,” Mom said. “Wait a second.” She was frowning, looking at Dad. “Colleen has a point.”

“What?” Dad asked. “What point?”

“For ten years,” Mom said slowly, “I would’ve given my right arm to have you back. I loved you, I missed you, and I would’ve forgiven anything.” She looked around the studio, which was so much brighter and cleaner and happier since Lucas had redone it. “But Collie’s right. I deserve better.” She looked surprised. “I don’t think I want you anymore, Pete. These past two weeks have been a little...boring, actually. I’m sorry.”

“Wait a sec,” Dad said. “All this renaissance woman thing you’ve been doing, the painting and the new clothes...I thought that was for me.”

“Of course you did,” Colleen said.

Dad ignored her. “I thought getting rid of my stuff and making this ridiculous studio was to get my attention, and you did, Jeanette! You succeeded. You’ve become an interesting woman, and I still find you attractive.”

“Dad, the thing is,” Colleen said, “she’s always been an interesting woman, and she’s always been attractive, dummy. You just stopped noticing. Come on. We can walk out together.”

“I don’t understand,” he said.

“I’ll see you around, Pete,” Mom said. “We’ll always be Colleen and Connor’s parents, after all. No need to be uncivil. Maybe we can even be friends.”

“I don’t want to be friends,” Dad said. “I want—”

“Dad, no one cares,” Colleen said, taking his arm. “Let’s go.”

* * *

HER FATHER CAUGHT up with her a week after Mom had dumped his scrawny white Irish ass, knocking on her door on her night off, just as she was digging into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. “Come in,” she said.

In the three years she’d lived here, he’d never been over to visit.

“Cute place,” he said.

“Thanks. Have a seat.” She paused the Bradley Cooper movie she had been about to watch (for the fifth time) and told Rufus to get his nose out of Dad’s crotch. The dog reluctantly obeyed, then trotted off to her bedroom for a power nap.

“What’s up, Dad?” she asked, taking a bite of the ice cream.

“I just wanted to say hi.”

“Really. Why?”

“Because, Colleen,” he said irritably, not looking at her, “I’m trying to be a better father.”

“How nice. I accept expensive gifts. Cars, for example. Islands.”

“Can you be serious?” He sighed and ran a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair. “Look. I thought I was a pretty good father, up until the divorce.”

“Up until the cheating, you mean.”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

“You ever hear that expression? The best thing a man can do for his children is love their mother?”

“No. But let me finish, okay?” He fixed her with a look. “I was always very proud of you and Connor. You were good kids. Smart and funny. I guess I didn’t show that enough.”

“True.”

“It was hard to know how to deal with you after the divorce. I was afraid you’d cut me out of your life completely, so I tried to get ready for that. Connor did it right away, and I was steeling myself for losing you.”

Much to Colleen’s shock, her father’s voice broke.

“I know I disappointed you, Collie. I didn’t know how to deal with it. Gail was pregnant, and I had to focus on that.” He bowed his head. “I was always grateful that you took to Savannah. Babysat her and all that. I got to see you that way.”

“Dad...” She cleared her throat. “You can see me other ways, too. We can have lunch and go for a run and that kind of thing.”