Waiting On You (Blue Heron #3)(113)

“Lucas,” Colleen whispered, tears slipping out of her eyes. “I know Joe loved you.”

“He sent me out of the room tonight. At the end.”

No. No, that was just not fair. Oh, Joe, why did you do that?

“I always thought if I was...good enough, quiet enough or helpful enough, I’d earn a place, you know? But I didn’t. And then it hit me, hard...the only thing I’ve ever had that was really mine was you, Colleen. Bryce got everything handed to him, he had a home and parents who loved him and did everything for him, but once I met you, it didn’t matter. I had you. You were everything to me, and I ruined it.”

“Well...I ruined it, too,” she whispered.

“No. You were upset, and you deserved to be. I handled everything wrong. I should’ve tried harder and done better by you, and I’ve regretted it every day for the past ten years. You’re mine, Colleen, and I’ll do better this time.”

“Lucas...” she said, but it was the only word she managed to get out.

He kissed her then, and she kissed him back with everything she had, wrapped herself around him, his hot skin and Spanish eyes, and though he’d finally said everything, almost, that she wanted to hear, finally, finally, there was a cold trickle of dread slicing through the sunburst his words had caused.

But that didn’t matter, she told herself as she led him to bed, to comfort him, to show him how much she loved him. That was nothing, and this—he—was everything.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE came to Joe Campbell’s wake. He had never been a mover or shaker in this town, not the type to join the school board or be a volunteer EMT, but the man had no enemies, either.

Bryce was doing okay; heartbroken, but able to smile and shake hands. Didi was there at the head of the room, accepting condolences with her son. She had a brittle smile on her face that most people attributed to grief, rather than pissiness.

Lucas and Stephanie and the girls came next, and that was it for family. Well, aside from Ellen Forbes and her parents, and her fiancé, all sitting in the second row of chairs. Which was nice, of course. Far be it from the Forbes contingent to do anything other than what Emily Post recommended. Should we all attend the wake of my ex-husband’s uncle?

But of course! Especially if you’re on good terms.

Which Ellen and Lucas certainly were.

As if reading her mind, Lucas looked over to her and smiled.

He loved her. Still hadn’t said the three magic words, but please. That was just a technicality. And good God, she loved him back.

“Hey, beautiful,” said Gerard, giving her a hug so mighty that he picked her up. “Have I thanked you for fixing me up with Lorelei? That woman can bake, let me tell you.”

“Well, so can Norine Pletts, so if things don’t work out with Lorelei, you can try her. Seventy-one years young.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Gerard said.

The four horseman of the Holland family were here with their spouses, except for horrifyingly single Jack, who’d stopped in earlier. (Colleen reminded herself to do something about that; his gene pool was too good to waste.)

Everyone knew Bryce, of course, and Lucas had become a part of the community, thanks to handling the public safety building. There were Marian Field, the mayor of Manningsport, and Everett, her son. Victor and Lorena, also bar regulars, had been quite friendly with Joe. Connor gave her a look—Hang in there, you’re doing great. She smiled back gratefully.

As usual, Con had read her mind. It was awkward, being the once and future girlfriend, as it were, not quite the other woman, but somehow feeling that way. She didn’t belong in the reception line (though she would’ve been if Lucas had asked), but she wanted to be here nonetheless. Every time she thought of what he said the other night, about feeling so...alone...her heart broke again.

The only thing I’ve ever had that was really mine was you.

They’d work. They had to. They’d figure something out.

The wake was supposed to end at eight; it was quarter of now. The line had dwindled, and Grant Jacobs, the funeral director, was now standing in the back of the room, giving the subtle sign.

Hopefully, Lucas would be able to come to her place tonight. Probably not, though, not with his sister and nieces...and the Forbes contingent. All Colleen wanted to do was comfort him. Have him lie on her couch with his head in her lap, or rub his shoulders, or make him smile however the hell she could. Her heart felt swollen and achy with love.

“Hey,” came a voice to her left.

“Paulie! How are you? I haven’t seen you in so long,” Colleen said, giving her a hug. Granted, so long was anything over a week in Colleen’s book, but Paulie hugged back hard, making Colleen wheeze a little.

“How’s he doing?” she asked, jerking her chin in Bryce’s direction.

“He’s taking it hard.” They both looked at Bryce, who was indeed weeping at the moment. Poor kid. Lucas put his hand on his cousin’s shoulder and said something, and Bryce nodded.

“I’ll go say hi, then,” Paulie said. “Um...come with me? These things are so freaking awkward. Can I say ‘freak’ in a funeral home? I was thinking the other word. Saved at the last second, I guess. Shit, I’m babbling. Oh, great, I just swore.”

“Easy, girl.” Colleen gave her biceps a squeeze.