Understood (Unspoken #1)(17)

She hadn’t seen him yet. Her attention was focused on some distant object, or maybe she wasn’t seeing anything at all.

He started up the steps. When he reached the bleacher she was sitting on, he sat down beside her. He reached over to take her hand but didn’t speak. He wasn’t sure what to say anyway.

Tiny quakes emanated from her. Her hand trembled in his. A ragged sigh tore from her lips. It was a sound that ripped his heart right open. He knew she was battling to keep it together.

“Why?” she whispered. “Why?”

She broke off and turned her head away from him. But not before he saw her tears.

“I’ve never understood why,” she said brokenly. “I was faithful. I loved him. I supported him. Why did he despise me so much? Why now, when he’s been out of my life for two years, does he feel the need to destroy me?”

Jake wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to him. He cupped her cheek in his hand and bent to kiss the top of her head.

“He’s a bastard, Ellie. You’re better than him. You’ve always been better, and he knows that. It eats at him. The only way he can feel better about the things he’s done is by tearing you down.”

Her body shook with her muffled sobs. Jake held on to her, not knowing what he could say or do to ease her pain. This helplessness scared him. He could feel her slipping away, back to the shell of a woman who’d barely existed after the divorce. He wouldn’t lose her to that woman.

Ellie buried her head in Jake’s chest, trying to absorb his strength and warmth. Maybe if she infused herself with enough of his steel, she wouldn’t hurt so bad.

“What am I going to do, Jake?”

He stroked his hand through her hair, gently sorting through the strands with his fingers.

“You’re going to hold your head high. That’s what you’re going to do.”

“Everyone in the world thinks I’m the reason for our divorce now,” she said bitterly. “They think I slept around on the Golden Boy and broke his heart.”

Jake pulled her away until he looked her in the eye. He cupped her chin in his hand then bent to kiss her lips. She closed her eyes as yet more tears escaped.

“It doesn’t matter what they think,” he said as he continued to rub his thumb over her cheek bone.

“The divorce was humiliating enough,” she whispered. “And now this. At least before all they had was conjecture on their part. Now, they have Mr. Perfect, Mr. All American, crying into a camera saying how horrible his wife was. If they didn’t hate me before, they’ll hate me now.”

“Is it important that they love you, Ellie?”

She flinched. “No. It’s not important. The only person I want to love me…” She broke off in horror at what she’d nearly admitted.

“Is who?” he prompted.

She shook her head, refusing to answer his question.

“Maybe I’m not that person, Ellie, but I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

Her gaze flew back to his face. Her eyes widened at his statement. “Always?”

“Always,” he said softly.

She opened her mouth then ran her tongue over her suddenly dry lips. “I don’t understand.”

To her surprise, his eyes cast downward in an expression of guilt and a little sorrow.

“What is it, Jake?” she asked.

Her heart beat in a rapid staccato. She was still reeling from his declaration of love, but he’d always had feelings for her?

“I fell in love with you when you and Ray were seeing each other. After you got married, I distanced myself as much as possible because it was painful to see you with him. I wanted you, and I was as jealous as hell. If I hadn’t been such a dumbass, I would have seen what was going on in your marriage. I could have saved you.”

She sucked in her breath. “Oh, Jake.” She reached out to touch his face. Tears clouded her vision. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He captured her hand in his and turned his lips into her palm. “It doesn’t matter now,” he said in a hoarse voice. “What matters now is whether or not you love me.”

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Their breaths caught and hitched. They both shook with suppressed emotion.

“I do love you, Jake. So much. I’m scared out of my mind to say it. I’m scared of what it will mean. But I do love you.”

He cradled her face in his hands. “Ellie, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. However we need to take this, no matter how slow, I’ll be here.”

She smiled and pressed her forehead to his. “I need you, Jake.” She shivered as she became more aware of the crisp air.

“Let’s go home,” he said. “My house. I’ll cook us some lunch. Build a fire. I know how much you like that.”

Tears shimmered in her vision. He was so determined to take care of her. And she wanted to let him, but she was so afraid to relax her guard. Even though she trusted Jake implicitly.

She wasn’t a moron. She knew that every man wasn’t out to hurt her. Jake in no way could be compared to Ray, but so much damage had been done to her confidence, to her ability to believe in her choices. No matter that she knew Jake would never hurt her, she still fought the choking panic she felt when she imagined a relationship with him.