Theirs to Keep (Tangled Hearts Trilogy #1)(26)

Was she asking too much? And was she not trying hard enough to remember her old life? Was she subconsciously sabotaging her efforts by suppressing her memories?

In the beginning, Cade and Merrick had wanted to launch their own investigation. Get with a few of their friends on the police force. Search missing persons records. Even put her picture on local news broadcasts then go wide on the Internet.

The mere thought had sent such irrational panic and fear through her that she still couldn’t bear to think of it. She didn’t know much about her past, but she knew that if she didn’t stay hidden,he would find her. And she didn’t even know who he was.

Stupid bitch. I’m going to kill you, but first I’m going to have what he’s been having.

The words popped into her head like they’d been read off a cue card. Only, the voice wasn’t hers. It was a man’s. It struck ice in her veins, and she knew without question she was remembering what had happened right before he raped her.

She leaned over and pressed her forehead to the counter, sucking in deep, steadying breaths.

What did it mean?

She shook her head, not wanting to remember. She wanted his voice out of her head. She never wanted to hear it again. Never wanted that prickle at her nape or the instant tightening in her belly. It was the closest she’d come to having any memory at all of her violation or the events after.

She didn’t want it to come back!

If she never remembered what had been forced upon her, it would be just fine with her. She didn’t need that part of her past. Forgetting was the kindest thing that could have happened to her even if she sacrificed her identity in the process.

“Elle, are you all right in there?”

Merrick’s voice through the door startled her, but at the same time, she was so relieved that she yanked open the bathroom door, and before he could say anything, she flew into his arms.

Her pulse was beating a rapid staccato, and her chest felt like it was going to explode. She clung to him, wrapped around him so tightly that he couldn’t have pried her away with a crowbar.

“Elle, what the hell is going on?” Merrick demanded as he tried to maneuver down the hallway toward the living room.

But she didn’t want him to move. She wanted him to stand right where he was so she could hold on. She buried her face in his chest and squeezed her eyes shut so the words would go away. So he would go away.

“Baby, you’re shaking like a leaf.”

She found herself lifted, hoisted in the air, and she made a grab for his neck, afraid that he’d let her go.

“Please,” she croaked. “Just hold me a minute.”

He took her into his bedroom across the hall and sat on the edge of the bed. “Of course I will. As long as you want. What’s scared you so bad, Elle? Talk to me.”

The urgency in his voice stirred her. She loosened her hold on his neck and then carefully eased away, but she wouldn’t meet his gaze.

She was cold. On the inside. Her fingers were numb. Even her lips felt cold.

“I heard him,” she said falteringly.

“Who did you hear?”

She closed her eyes and leaned forward until her forehead met his lips. “Him. The man who r-raped me. The one who tried to kill me.”

Merrick went completely stiff. He wrapped his arms around her, surrounding her and enveloping her in his embrace. She loved the sensation of being surrounded by him. Nothing could hurt her when he held her. He was invincible.

“What do you mean you heard him? Today? At the store? Did you see something that made you remember?”

She shook her head. “In the bathroom. I remembered…”

He hugged her to him for a long moment as if to allow her time to gather her composure. Then he gently pulled away so he could look into her eyes.

“What did you remember?” he asked in a low voice.

She sucked in a deep breath. “Just words. His voice. He s-said that I was a stupid bitch and he was going to kill me, but first he was going to have what he’s been having.”

Merrick frowned. “Is that all? Nothing else? Could you picture his face or his features?”

She closed her eyes and shook her head almost irrationally. No, she didn’t want to remember. She welcomed the blankness.

“I don’t even understand. The man said, ‘I’m going to have what he’s been having.’ But who was he talking about? Who is the he the man mentioned?”

Merrick touched her cheek until finally she opened her eyes and trained her gaze on him.

“Elle, baby,” he said in a tender voice. “He can’t hurt you anymore. Cade and I will protect you. He can’t hurt you.”

Tears swam in her eyes. “I don’t want to remember, Merrick. I don’t. I’m…happy…here. With you,” she blurted. “And Cade.”

He leaned down and carefully kissed away her tears. His lips were warm and electric on her face and skin. And oh so very tender.

“You do know that you aren’t going anywhere, don’t you?” he said as he drew away. “We aren’t going to toss you out. We aren’t going to get tired of you. We aren’t going to do anything at all but take care of you and protect and cherish you.”

“B-both of you?”

She hated the hope his words instilled, because what she was asking was impossible.