Suddenly You(69)

There was only one course of action. She would pack up her household and go to France as soon as possible. Perhaps she would invent a fictional husband who had died, leaving her a widow…some kind of ruse that would allow her to take part in local French society. She would still be able to earn a handsome living by publishing from abroad. There was no reason for Jack ever to find out about a child whom he surely did not want and whose existence he would most likely resent. No one would know the truth except her sister Sophia, and, of course, Sukey.

Channeling all her energies into planning and list-making, Amanda made preparations for the drastic upheaval her life would soon undergo. Toward that end, she allowed Charles Hartley to call on her one morning so that she could tell him good-bye.

Charles arrived at her home with a bouquet of flowers. He was dressed in his elegant, solidly traditional brown coat and fawn trousers, with a dark silk cravat tied neatly beneath his beard. Amanda felt a sharp pang of regret that she would never be able to see him after this day. She would miss his kind, open face and the comfortable, uncomplicated companionship he offered. It was a pleasure to be with a man who did not excite her or challenge her, a man who led a life as calm and quiet as Jack Devlin’s was fast and turbulent.

“Lovely as ever, though a bit pale,” Charles pronounced, smiling at Amanda as he gave his overcoat and tall hat to Sukey. “I have worried about you, Miss Briars.”

“I am much better now, thank you,” Amanda replied, forcing an answering smile to her lips. She bade Sukey to take the flowers and put them in water, and invited Charles to sit beside her on the settee. For a few minutes they engaged in light conversation, talking about nothing in particular while Amanda’s mind busily winnowed out various ways to tell him that she was going to leave England for good. Finally she could think of no delicate way to put it, and she spoke with her natural brisk bluntness. “Charles, I am glad we have this opportunity to talk, as it will be our last. You see, I’ve recently decided that England is no longer the best place for me to live. I plan to establish a home elsewhere—in France, actually, where I believe the mild climate and the slower pace of life will suit me much better than here. I will miss you dearly, and I do hope we may correspond now and then.”

Charles’s face was wiped clean of expression, and he absorbed the news silently. “Why?” he murmured at last, and reached for one of her hands, holding it in both his large ones. “Are you ill, Amanda? Is that why you require a warmer climate? Or are there circumstances of a different nature that compel you to move? I do not wish to pry, but I have a good reason for asking, as I will explain shortly.”

“I am not ill,” Amanda said with a faint smile. “You are very kind, Charles, to show such concern for my welfare—”

“It is not kindness that inspires my questions,” he said quietly. For once, his usually untroubled brow was puckered, and his mouth had tightened until it was nearly concealed in the trim mass of his beard. “I do not wish you to go anywhere, Amanda. There is something I must tell you. I had not wanted to reveal it so soon, but it seems that circumstances are forcing me to be a bit precipitate. Amanda, you must know how I care—”

“Please,” she interrupted, her heart contracting with anxious alarm. She did not want him to make any confessions to her…God forbid that he might say he loved her, when she was pregnant with another man’s child! “Charles, you are a dear friend, and I have been fortunate to have known you these past several weeks. But let us leave it at that, please. I am departing for the Continent in a matter of days, and anything you say cannot change that fact.”

“I’m afraid I can’t be silent.” He held her hands more tightly, although his voice was still calm and warm. “I will not let you go without telling you how very much I value you. You are very special to me, Amanda. You are one of the finest women I have ever known, and I want—”

“No,” she said, her throat suddenly aching. “I am not a fine woman, or a good one in any regard. I have made terrible mistakes, Charles, ones that I have no wish to explain to you. Please, let us say no more, and part as friends.”

He considered her for a long time. “You are in some kind of trouble,” he said quietly. “Let me help you. Is it financial? Legal?”

“It is a kind of trouble that no one can solve.” She could not look at him. “Please go,” she said, rising from her chair. “Good-bye, Charles.”

He tugged her back to the settee. “Amanda,” he murmured, “in light of my feelings for you, I believe you owe me something…the chance to be of service to someone I care for deeply. Tell me what is the matter.”

Half touched and half annoyed by his persistence, Amanda forced herself to look directly into his gentle brown eyes. “I am pregnant,” she blurted out. “You see? There is nothing that you or anyone can do. Now please leave, so that I may sort through the utter mess I’ve made of my life.”

Charles’s brown eyes widened, and his lips parted. Of all the things he might have suspected, it was clear that this was the last. How many people would be similarly shocked, Amanda thought, by the fact that the sensible spinster novelist would have carried on an affair and become pregnant as a result? In spite of her dilemma, she almost took a grim satisfaction in having done something so utterly unpredictable.

Charles continued to hold her hands in a secure clasp. “The father…I assume it is Jack Devlin,” he said rather than asked, with no trace of censure in his tone.