Sometimes It Lasts(Sea Breeze #5)(31)

Daddy wasn’t getting up early and working outside anymore. He was sleeping late. Most mornings, I checked to make sure he was still breathing at least three times before he woke up. Daddy sat in his recliner and I read to him a lot. We watched television together. He loved to watch Duck Dynasty and Sons of Anarchy. I’d bought all the older seasons from iTunes, and we’d watched them all.

It was rare that he ate anymore. Many days he got sick more than he ate. His pain meds had been upped, and as of last Monday, the hospice has started stopping by three times a week. I’d been pretending that didn’t mean what I knew it did too. Yeah, I’d gotten real good at pretending. But my pretending was going to have to stop.

I was pregnant and my daddy was dying. And Jeremy wasn’t Josh. I took all three pregnancy testes and their boxes and went to my bedroom where I could hide them. I wasn’t sure if I could tell Daddy just yet. It would worry him. He was leaving me. I couldn’t ignore that any longer. Jeremy had found another guy in town for Daddy to hire to cover his workload. They managed to finish earlier than Jeremy and Daddy had everyday. The farm was doing fine.

It was Daddy and me who were losing ourselves.

I couldn’t lose myself. I had a baby inside me. Cage’s baby. Just thinking his name made my hurt crack open. I put both my hands on my stomach and stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself. I didn’t look different. I was a little nauseous when I first woke up in the mornings, but nothing too bad. I wasn’t getting a stomach yet.

I had known. All month I’d known deep down that I was pregnant. I just hadn’t wanted to admit it. Admitting it meant I was going to be a single mom. That I was going to have to do with without a parent to teach me how to be a mother. That I was going to be in charge of taking care of another life. One that I created.

And no matter how things ended with Cage and me, this baby had been created out of love—because I’d been so in love with him that it was enough for both of us. Even if he hadn’t loved me the same way, I believed that he had cared for me. He wanted to love me just as fiercely as I had loved him. I was a safety net for him. I wasn’t something fleeting, and he’d had so much fleeting. But his world was going in a direction that a girlfriend didn’t fit into. Especially a girlfriend with a baby.

Out of pain and anger, I’d called him my biggest mistake. I didn’t believe that now. I touched my stomach. Maybe he’d been a part of my life that fate had known I needed. He left me with someone I could keep. That would love me and wouldn’t leave me. My daddy would be going, but I’d have another life coming to fill that empty void.

A knock sounded at my door, and I dropped my hands from my stomach and stepped away from the mirror. “Come in!” I called out.

Daddy opened the door and the concerned frown on his face told me I wasn’t going to like what he needed to tell me. “The people called from the center. They’re on their way to get the piano. Are you sure you want to give it away?” He asked, watching me closely.

The piano Cage had bought me arrived one week after we broke up. Preston and Marcus delivered it. Both of them tried to talk to me about Cage, but I refused to listen. I also ignored the piano for another week. Finally, one night, I’d let my guard down. I wasn’t pretending that night. I was broken and I felt like I was bleeding inside. I had no one to talk to. So I sat down at the piano and I played. I played for hours. I played until I’d written a song. One that shared all my feelings and emotions.

While I was pretending in my life that night, I was real with my music. Letting the piano go was one more thing to rip me into. But I’d donated it to a local kids’ center in a rough area of town. The music teacher there worked for free. She just needed more instruments. I couldn’t sell it, but I couldn’t keep it. Seeing it hurt too much.

“I’m sure. Just. . . give me some time alone with it,” I replied. I didn’t even pretend to smile this time. I was too raw.

Daddy nodded, turned, and headed downstairs. I knew he was going outside. He’d give me my time. I needed to play it one more time. To sing good-bye to Cage and his memories.

* * *

Closing my eyes, I put my fingers on the cool ivory keys. After this, I wouldn’t let my heart break any longer for a man who didn’t fight for me. He’d walked away when I’d told him to. I had given him an out and he’d taken it. So easily. This was the end for me. I let my fingers dance over the keys. The familiar melody that I’d played that night came back to me. I’d cried while composing the song. I wouldn’t cry today. I wouldn’t cry over him again. Not ever.

“Sittin’ on the porch, just waiting to see one more glimpse of you.

I should’ve known then I was a fool to believe you’d ever want me to.

This silly girl gave into her heart.

I shoulda listened to my head.

Now I’m left here alone, just thinking about everything my daddy said.

’Cause you’re a heartbreaker, a soul taker.

No one can hold you down.

So take what you want and then take all the rest, ’cause this girl is headin’ out of town.

The summer sun was beatin’ down, the day your eyes met mine.

I was mesmerized by the smile on your lips, didn’t know how sweet they could lie.

Every touch, every moment in time, you caused every sigh.

Now I’m left her alone, thinkin’ I should have seen, I should’ve seen you’d make me cry.