Savage Awakening (Alpha Pack #2)(62)

"Like I said, it wasn't really you," the doctor replied gently. Despite her rigid demeanor, Rowan noted she did have a soft heart when it came to her patients. "You were hurt, in pain and traumatized, and your wolf was only protecting himself and you from further injury."

"I went nuts is what you're saying." Collapsing back, he stared at the ceiling. "I attacked my own sister. This is so f**ked up."

Melina pulled up a chair and sat. "Micah, you're going to get better, and we're going to help you. But first we need to know what you remember from the time you were taken up until your rescue."

Again, he appeared to try hard to remember. His frustration was evident as he sighed and buried a hand in his hair. "Not a damned thing. It's all a blank, like one minute I was with the Pack and we were about to hit the building where some vampires were holding hostages, and the next I wake up and Ro is here-six months later? And half of us are maybe dead? God."

Melina appeared shaken. Understandable when one of the men believed dead was her mate. "Yes, and I'm sorry. More than you know. But right now our priority is to get you healed, inside and out."

"I want to see my face," he demanded stubbornly.

After hesitating, Melina agreed. "Okay. Dr. Grant."

Mac handed him the mirror. He took it with the hand not encumbered by the IV and heaved a deep breath. Lifted it and stared for endless moments at his reflection. Then slowly his hand began to tremble. And then shake until his fingers lost their grip and the mirror landed in his lap. Mac retrieved it and gave it over to Noah, who hovered anxiously.

"I'm a freak," he whispered. "I'm a goddamned fugly son of a bitch."

"No! You're not. You're still handsome and-"

"Why? Why would anybody do that to me?"

The explosion Rowan feared didn't come, but the quiet anguish was worse somehow. His chin dipped to his chest and his shoulders started to shake. She hurried forward, nudging Mac aside, gathering her brother in her arms. "I don't know why anyone would hurt such a wonderful, beautiful man as you," she choked out. "I wish I could kill them all for you."

He clung to her as he'd done when they were kids, wrapped his arms around her and hung on. She hated what he'd been through, how thin he'd become. His tears soaked the front of her T-shirt.

"How did it happen? What did they do to me, Ro?"

"Sweetie, I don't think-"

"Tell me."

She cast a look at Melina on the other side of the bed, silently begging for help with the subject. Melina gave a quick nod, indicating that she'd take over. Rowan eased back from Micah and he gave the doctor his attention, wiping his eyes.

"The damage to your face, and the fact that the skin scarred the way it did, suggests your captors poured hot silver on you."

"So it's going to stay this way?" he asked with a catch in his voice.

"I'd say it's highly probable, yes. There is a chance that with our advances in healing various types of shifters something could eventually be done, but it's beyond our capabilities at this time."

"What else?"

"What do you mean?"

"What else did they do to me? I want to know everything."

"We don't know everything your body was physically put through, and we may never know. Even if your memory returns, you might not be clear on certain things. We have ascertained that you were tortured, extensively. There were also incisions to your torso and groin, indicative of experimentation. What this group hopes to gain is to create a breed of super-shifters."

"Ro filled me in on this Orson Chappell guy and his operation, and that there's a Seelie prince living here now whose father is probably this guy's boss."

"That's right."

There was a heavy silence before her brother spoke again, bitterness creeping in. "Finish. I know there's something else you're chewing on."

"I think," she said slowly, "that some memories are best left to resurface in the patient's own time. When a person is ready, they'll remember."

"You don't think I'm ready?"

"It's early days and you have a long road ahead before you're ready to rejoin the team."

"I'm a head case. I get it. Doesn't matter. I want to know what I'm up against so I can deal with it, or I'm going to go even more nuts trying to figure out what you're all hiding." His gaze encompassed everyone in the room.

Mac moved close, gripped his hand, and took over from her colleague. "All right. I can see this is going to hurt just as much if we keep it from you." Rowan could see how Mac struggled with the decision to tell him. Even a doctor sometimes didn't know what the best course of action was, psychologist or not.

"Micah... you were raped. I'm so sorry."

He stared at her, uncomprehending at first. Then the shock bled in, the expression of a man who'd just watched his house burn down, or witnessed the death of a loved one. In a way, perhaps it was a death of sorts. The demise of any remaining innocence the soul might've clung to all those years, writhing and screaming on the ground.

"Once?" he rasped. "Just once, right?"

Rowan couldn't see what difference once or a bunch of times made to a man who couldn't remember, but it mattered to Micah.