Rush (Breathless #1)(55)

Gabe blew out his breath. “Shit,” he murmured. This was the last thing he’d expected to hear.

“And it wasn’t your mother’s fault. She’s a damn saint for putting up with me all these years. I think I woke up one day and thought to myself that I’m old. I don’t have much time left. I panicked and then I freaked out because I started blaming your mother. God. Your mother! The one woman who’s stuck by me all this time, who gave me a wonderful son. And I blamed her because I saw an old man staring back at me in the mirror. A man who thought he had to turn back the clock and get back all those years. I wanted to feel young again. Instead I feel like a bastard who shit on his wife—his family—you, Son. I shit on you and your mother and I can’t tell you how much I regret that.”

Gabe didn’t even know what to say. He was agog at all his father had just thrown at him. All of this because of some f**king late-in-life crisis? Coming to grips with inevitable age? Jesus.

“I hate to even come to you with this, but I don’t know what else to do. I doubt Matrice would even give me the time of day now. I hurt her. I know that. I don’t expect her to forgive me. If the positions were reversed and she did to me what I did to her, I doubt I could ever forgive her.”

“Goddamn, Dad. When you f**k up, you go big.”

His father fell silent, his gaze fixed on his drink, sadness rimming his eyes.

“I just want to go back—take it back—so it never happened. Your mother is a good woman. I love her. I never stopped loving her.”

“Then why the hell have you been doing your damnedest to shove all these other women not only in her face but mine?” Gabe snarled. “Do you have any idea how badly you hurt her?”

The older Hamilton’s face went even grayer. “I have an idea. Those women didn’t mean anything to me.”

Gabe held up his hand in disgust. “Stop it. Just stop it, Dad. God. You’re spouting the oldest cliché in the book. You think Mom gives a flying f**k if those women meant shit to you? Do you think it’ll make her feel better at night knowing that while you were out f**king some chick half your age—or younger—that you were really thinking about how much you loved her?”

His dad flushed and quickly looked around as Gabe’s voice rose. “I didn’t sleep with those women,” he said in a low voice. “Not that Matrice will ever believe me. But I’m telling you that I didn’t betray my marriage vows.”

Gabe’s temper simmered and he fought to keep it from erupting. “Yeah, Dad, you did. Whether you slept with them or not, you betrayed Mom and your marriage vows. Just because it wasn’t physical adultery doesn’t mean it wasn’t emotional adultery. And sometimes emotional adultery is the hardest to get over.”

His father rubbed a tired hand over his face and resignation bled into his features. “So you think I don’t have a chance of ever winning her back.”

Gabe sighed. “That’s not what I said. But you need to understand what you did to her before you can ever think to make it right. She has her pride too, Dad. And you damaged it. If reconciliation is what you really want, then you have to be in it for the long haul. She’s not going to take you back overnight. You can’t quit after one try. If she means anything at all to you, then you have to be willing to fight for her.”

His dad nodded. “Yeah, I get it. And I do want her. I never didn’t want her. It’s all so stupid. I’m a fool. An old, deluded fool who messed up.”

Gabe softened. “Talk to her, Dad. Tell her everything you told me. And you have to be patient and listen to her when she goes off on you. You have to listen while she calls you every name in the book. You deserve it. You have to give that to her and you have to take it.”

“Thanks, Son. I love you, you know. I hate that I hurt not only Matrice, but you as well. You’re my son and I let you both down.”

“Just make it right,” Gabe said softly. “Make Mom happy again, and that will be enough for me.”

• • •

“Hey Gabe, need to talk to you about…”

Mia looked up to see Jace standing in the doorway of Gabe’s office. Her heart leapt and her adrenaline spiked. He wasn’t supposed to be here yet. This wasn’t how she intended to break the news to him that she was working for Gabe.

Ash pushed in behind him and his eyebrows rose when he saw Mia sitting at her desk.

Jace’s face darkened and he looked between her desk and Gabe’s as if expecting it all to make sense.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jace asked.

“Nice to see you too,” Mia said dryly.

Jace strode across the floor toward her desk. “Damn it, Mia. You caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” He perched on the edge of her desk, his gaze scrutinizing as he took in the papers scattered over the surface and the laptop she was working on.

Ash sauntered in behind Jace, standing a short distance away, but no less interested.

“What are you doing here? Where the hell is Gabe?”

The confusion was evident in his voice. Mia took in a deep breath and plunged ahead, knowing the best thing to do was get it out of the way and in the open so nothing seemed suspicious. The longer she drew it out, the guiltier she’d look anyway. She had no poker face whatsoever—a fact that had kept her in trouble in her early teenage years. She’d never been able to lie to Jace with a straight face so she prayed his questioning didn’t get too in depth here or she was f**ked.