Rowdy (Marked Men #5)(61)
“Poppy?”
She looked up at me with her black-and-blue eyes and I wanted to throttle whoever it was that had hurt her.
“I was wondering if I could come in and talk to you really fast?”
That sounded like a terrible idea but I couldn’t think of a reason to say no to her, so I stepped aside and she entered my apartment, her eyes darting around like someone might jump out and attack her at any minute.
“I assume Salem knows you’re here since you know where I live.”
I closed the door and leaned back against it with my arms crossed over my chest. She nodded and twisted her hands together as she paced back and forth in front of me.
“I told her I had to talk to you one-on-one. I don’t think she was happy about it but she gave me your address and told me how to get here. She’s really crazy about you, you know?”
“I would rather not talk about my love life with you, Poppy. Why are you here?” I wasn’t sure if I meant here in Denver or here in my house, but she was welcome to answer for either one.
She moved her hair behind her ears in a way that was so similar to her sister but came across as timid and nervous and not sexy and confident like when Salem did it.
“I owe you an apology, Rowdy . . . and so much more.” She let her hands drop to her sides and she faced me steadily. “You were so nice to me and always tried so hard to save me from my own good intentions.”
“I thought I loved you.” It was the first time I had admitted out loud that there was a rock-solid chance I was wrong about that from the get-go.
“I know you did but you were the only one.”
I snorted and pushed off the door. “How did you know I was fooling myself?”
She tilted her head and a sad smile pulled at her mouth. “I lived in the same house as Salem and I have eyes. I saw the way you were with her. She brought you to life and I was there when she left and you latched on to me like a lifeline. I understood that you thought I was safe, that I was boring and never going to change, but come on, Rowdy, what girl wants to be a guy’s safe bet? You never tried to hold my hand or kiss me, not even when you started sleeping with every single girlfriend I had. The signs were pretty clear.”
I pushed my hands through my hair because I hadn’t gotten around to putting any goop in it yet.
“I followed you to college, Poppy. That had to mean something.” I didn’t know if I said it to convince her or myself of that fact.
She sighed and moved toward me a couple steps. “I was your security blanket and you were mine. You didn’t have anyone else to hold on to and I was scared to try and be someone else after trying so long to be the perfect daughter. Looking back, I should’ve fought you, should have told you to cut loose and go to art school like I’m sure Salem would have done, but I was selfish and I was scared.” She gripped my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there when I got pregnant, Rowdy. You were the only person that didn’t make me feel like I had committed an unforgivable sin.” I saw tears well up in her eyes. “Thank you for trying to protect me.”
I swore and pulled her to me so I could hug her. She needed someone to protect her still.
“Why did you go back home, Poppy? Why didn’t you go live life and find some kind of happiness for yourself? Why land right back where you started from?”
She was crying now, I could feel moisture seeping into my Meteors T-shirt. “I didn’t know how to do anything different. I didn’t know how to do anything. I was always just this little puppet, this perfect daughter honed in my father’s brimstone and fire. I went back to what felt doable and comfortable, and look what it got me.”
“Salem would have helped you out of it. Fuck, so would I if you had called me.” I squeezed her tighter as she started shaking with the force of her sobbing.
“I thought I deserved all of it. I thought it was my punishment for not doing the right things, for not being a good girl. I had sex before getting married and my baby didn’t make it. I thought everything was happening to show me I needed to be better and follow Dad’s orders even more strictly. I thought God hated me and this was the result. The first time Oliver smacked me I really, really thought I must not have atoned enough for my sins. I really, truly believed he was the kind of man I was supposed to be with—that is, what my life was supposed to look like.”
“Jesus, Poppy.” All I could do was shake my head. “We’re all sinners in some way or another. No one should have to bear that kind of burden.”
“My dad saw my face, he could see the bruises. I know that he knew what was happening and he never did anything to stop it or tried to intervene on my behalf. He’s a man of God and he stood by and let his child get beat at the hands of a man that was supposed to love her. I thought for a long time he must believe it was what I deserved as well.”
It was just more reason to hate the man that had forced Salem to run. “What turned it around for you?”
She pulled back and looked up at me all bruised and tearstained and I realized I did in fact love her with all of my heart, but it was in a very caring and very platonic way. She loved me like a brother, so it was only fitting that I loved her as a sister in return.
“A bunch of different things. But the fact that Salem found her way back to you and sounded happy, really truly happy in a way that has been missing since she left, was a big part of it. I realized that time could pass and that life could just keep moving forward for everyone no matter what might have happened in between. I’ve done my penance for any bad choices I might have made and it is my time to be free. I’m never going to be perfect and I’m not going to be punished for them ever again.”