Rowdy (Marked Men #5)(58)
“I don’t know where they wandered in from but I wish they would find their way back there.”
“You need a bouncer to keep the peace.”
“Rome used to handle most of the rowdies.” He snorted as I lifted my eyebrow at the twist on my name. “But with the baby and Cora, he isn’t here as much as he was before. I don’t have any problem cracking a head here or there, but I have a record, so I have to watch myself.”
“Hire someone to do it if Rome isn’t able to.”
He moved down the bar to make a round of drinks that Dixie called for and came back wiping his hands on the back of his jeans.
“Rome mentioned some guy he was in the army with. I guess the guy is getting discharged soon and talking about heading here. I think he’s holding the spot for him. You know Rome won’t pass up a chance to help a fellow soldier out if he can.”
I nodded and picked at the label on my beer with a fingernail. “He brought the baby hiking today when we rolled up into the mountains. You shoulda seen him. This giant, burly soldier that looks like he could move the entire mountain range with his bare hands toting around this little pink bundle all wrapped up in bows and sweetness. She’s so small in his hands and he holds her like she’s glass. They’re a good team and it’s obvious RJ has her daddy wrapped around her finger.”
“Rome’s a lucky man. He deserves every bit of good that comes his way after everything he sacrificed in his life.”
I pushed the edge of my hat up and looked at him because I really wanted to know his answer to the question I was about to ask.
“Is that what it takes to be rewarded by fate, to find real happiness in life? Sacrifice?”
Asa’s gold eyes shined speculatively. “I don’t know. Maybe. I know I’ve never lived a life where I ever put anyone or anything before myself. I can’t see a way that I deserve to have the kind of life Rome has or even the kind of real thing Ayden has with Jet. And you know what . . . ?” He leaned on the back of the bar across from me and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m good with that. I’ve never done anything to deserve what they have.”
“What about turning it around? Being here now and helping Rome out, cleaning up your act so that Ayden doesn’t have to live her life wondering what’s going to happen to you or what kind of trouble you’re going to drop on her doorstep? That doesn’t equal repentance and a chance at real happiness and goodness for you?”
I hated to think the past was going to forever define the future for anyone. For Asa especially, because under all his easy charm and reckless demeanor I thought he was a really good dude.
“I’ve said it before, just because I can act right and be an upstanding guy doesn’t mean that’s what my default setting is. It’s work every day to remind myself what I have to lose if I fall back into old habits, but it’s always there—the temptation to take the easy way—the desire to think only of myself. That isn’t the kind of man that deserves anything good and real in his life. Pretty sure that if I ever got my hands on something that looked like it was meant to be, I would probably destroy it. Just ask Ayden. I always manage to destroy the good in my life.”
I sighed and took another slug of beer. “Well, shit. I stopped by hoping you were going to put me in a better mood.”
He pushed off the bar as glass broke in the back and he scowled as Dixie moved over in the direction to help clean it up only to be subjected to a series of derogatory catcalls.
“You did look a little riled up when you walked in. What’s up?”
And that was why Asa was so freaking good behind a bar. He could talk about anything. He was brutally honest about who he was and what he had done, which often made the guys that frequented this place feel way better about the things they were battling themselves, and he always seemed like he had an answer for whatever burden was laid on the bar in front of him. Even if most of the advice he doled out was bullshit, it still sounded good when it came with a cocksure smile and was laced with a southern twang.
“Salem’s sister showed up unannounced.” It was like being shot back in time seeing Poppy all black and blue like that. “I wasn’t ready for it. I’ll never be ready for it.”
I took the straw hat off and plowed my fingers through my sweat-matted hair.
“You had to know that was inevitable. You’re sleeping with one sister, at some point the other was bound to make an appearance.”
I laughed drily. “Honestly I thought Salem would’ve gotten bored by now and moved on like she does. I never thought it was going to get this serious.”
“You’re kidding yourself, Rowdy. It’s been serious since the first minute she hit the Mile High.”
“You’re telling me.”
“So the sister?”
“Poppy. She’s a sweet girl. The type that is steady, kind of old-fashioned, and real family oriented. She’s married now. I always thought she would be the perfect girl for me but now I’m seeing I might have been trying to protect myself from the fact I knew—even then—that Salem was going to leave me.” There was more hollering from the back and another shattering sound as more glass hit the ground. I saw Asa’s jaw flex and he started to move toward the end of the bar where it was open to get to the other side.