Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2)(70)

Kate and Jasmine knew something was up when they came in to chat about the weekend, but trying to be professional—in case people walked by—they let it go. Krista didn’t really care either way.

Marcus came in, noticed her lack of interest in the world, and asked if she had a late night. Her shrug and disinterest made him look harder, and then come over and give her a hug. He’d been there before, too. Every non-hermit had. Hell, probably most hermits ended up that way because of broken hearts. It was the way of the world when you were searching for that special someone. You struck out a lot more often than you hit a homer.

When the day ended and Sean came in, Krista knew Doomsday had finally arrived. He looked as tired as she felt, and as haggard. But he was resolved, and that was not good.

“Hey Captain, how was your day?” she asked as she leant back.

“It was okay. Do you want a ride home?”

No! “Uh, yeah, sure. I’m ready.”

He nodded. They walked quietly past Jasmine and Kate, who were quick at putting two and two together. Jasmine took out her phone and held it up. They were expecting a call later, and Krista had a sinking feeling they would get it. She had been down breakup alley before. She was definitely headed for heartache tonight.

Sean waited until they got to their neighborhood. Krista didn’t know if that was mercy for him, or for her. The fog was suffocating in its intensity. They could barely see to the end of a block.

Sean parked in the beach parking lot and turned off the car. Krista waited patiently.

“First, let me say how incredibly sorry I am that I scared you. It wasn’t my intention.”

All-time worst openers. Obviously he hadn’t intended to scare her. What did he think, it was April’s Fools Day? That maybe she thought it was all some big hoax?

You’d think the guy was better at this, what with all his many women. Or was he doing her a favor by explaining? As if she needed it.

He paused.

This was The Sean Show, so Krista waited patiently for the final act. Spoiler alert: This was a classic breakup scene. Back in the day Krista would’ve already had an argument ready as to why he was ending a great thing. She would have her hands around his lapels in a claw-like grip, terrified of being let go.

Not now.

The only thing it got her in the past was embarrassed. She was better than that. She was an adult, damn it! She wanted to work through these problems. Her problems—his problems—they both had baggage, so what? It could be navigated. Krista wanted to try; she wanted to talk it out. They had something, all they had to do was fight for it.

To use an office cliché, Sean was not on the same page. Bottom line, this was gonna hurt real bad.

“I just hope I didn’t hurt you,” Sean’s voice was dripping with misery and regret.

“You didn’t,” she said simply. She wasn’t going to make this easy on him, the twit.

He nodded and continued, looking out at the rolling white. “I have really grown to care about you. Even before we...became intimate, I cared about you. You mean a lot to me. I don’t want to be responsible for hurting you. For dragging you down. You are too precious for that. You are too precious to be trampled. And I will trample you, Krista. We’ve already seen it happen. You just...deserve better. You deserve a man who is going to treat you like gold. Who is going to take good care of you. Who is going to cherish every day he is with you.”

“And you wouldn’t?” she asked, even though she knew the answer. He wouldn’t, because it was too hard. Because he was too afraid. He didn’t want to get his hands dirty. Not for her, at least. Maybe not for anyone.

“I would try. I have tried. But then I have moments of insecurity. I try to fix that by sex, thinking it will just go away. But it doesn’t. It just makes me feel guilty and creepy. I just... Look, Krista, I’m a mess. I would try to treat you like a princess then I would do something like last night and end up jerking you around. You deserve better.”

“I do, you’re right. I deserve a man who is going to realize his weaknesses, his problems, and have the courage to work through them to be with me. I need a man who is willing to treat his woman like she was invested, too, and trust her enough to support him through his bad times as she hoped to be supported through hers. Are you saying you are not that man?”

She was using a different tactic than her other break-ups. It wouldn’t help any more than the others, but it seemed fitting. She and Sean had a relationship unlike any she’d had before. They were solidly based on trust and friendship. The only thing going wrong was the intimacy part. Which was a big part, yes. And which was now broken. But they had the other parts to fall back on now and Krista was desperately reaching for those. She hoped that the intimacy crumbling wouldn’t bring it all down together. She hoped they could clear the air and end up friends, at the very least.

Sean nodded, head bowed. “I think it’s best, Krista. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry. It doesn’t do anybody any good,” Krista said testily. She’d had enough. “Alright, well, I’m going to walk home. Let’s try to forget about this in the office, okay?”

His head snapped up, disbelief tinged with hurt etched on his face. He wasn’t expecting that answer from her. He wasn’t expecting her to be so calm about all this. “That’s it?”