Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2)(68)

After Sean and Krista said goodbye, they spent much of the rest of the day on the couch under a blanket in the buff. Sean still had his no sex rule in effect, which was irritating, but it was amazing what could be done without penetration. And some of his oral activities were, indeed, amazing.

Towards the evening, when the light was failing and the shadows were crawling their way across the floor, Krista was happily dozing when Sean startled her awake asking, “Do you want to order in?”

Being that he had a sticky hard-on, and she just gushed out a fresh coat of lube, she figured eating could wait. Instead, she bared her neck to him, liking when he bent to her and slowly nibbled down to her shoulder. His hand came around her body, finding a breast and sticking like crazy glue.

Krista backed her butt up, allowing his penis to slide into the small space between the top of her thighs, right up against her wet slit. A small maneuver would have him inside her, but she was a pro at pushing the boundaries by now, and instead, rotated her h*ps in a circle, catching his c**k and bringing it along.

She expected Sean to stop her here. He always had in the past. And he should have—it wasn’t safe. He was worried about pregnancy, she was worried about diseases. If it was another guy, she wouldn’t even push this boundary, but he was always in such great control that she didn’t have to worry about it.

A look back revealed a blissful face and an “Out To Lunch” sign. Sean was no longer Sean. He was the other guy. The lurking guy. The guy that shut off all thought and tried to force intimacy. The little boy that ruined his parents’ life.

For the first time in her life, Krista wished she’d been a psychiatrist instead of a math geek. She did not know how to help.

“I feel so close to you,” Sean said as he thrust blindly, barely missing her opening. Nearly ruining their first time together.

Tingles of anxiety crept up her spine. He was unprotected, which was a catastrophic “no-no” with him. What’s more, his usually smooth and slow movements were hurried and jerky. He was reaching between her legs roughly, trying to part her wider even though she was resisting. He leaned over her chest, putting his weight against her to hold her down.

Krista’s heart started thumping. Anxiety turned to fear as he used his hands to force her legs open so he could climb on top.

She mutely pushed at his chest, using what had developed into their sign to slow or stop. In their weekend of getting to know each other’s bodies, whenever something felt weird or off, or whenever Krista wanted to switch positions, or even when the remote was trying to sodomize her because of her positioning on the couch, she gave soft resistance with her hand to his chest, and Sean desisted immediately.

It didn’t even register.

He climbed on her body, pulling her legs wide and up, making his way clear. Rough fingers searched her quickly drying sex, pushing in and out, trying to rub moisture in so he could enter her. His tip was prodding her inner thigh, rubbing to give himself feeling while he worked at her.

“No, Sean,” Krista said, panic rising. Feeling Jim’s fingers. Jim’s body. Feeling phantom stinging from being hit or slapped. Phantom hands around her throat or holding her arms.

Her chest constricted. Tears leaked out of her eyes. Her breathing got shallow. Memories blotted out her awareness. Pain and rage. Rough insertions and abusing sex. Lust filled eyes looking down on her pain. Laughter as she cried.

“No,” she whispered, eyes squeezed shut, panic stricken and unable to move.

“You are so beautiful,” she heard through the haze. “Such a blessing.”

In fast pants, Krista latched onto that voice. Smooth gravel. Deep and reassuring. A man in the height of fighting his own demons, but without inflicting the pain he felt.

A man that was not restraining her in any way.

Fast pants of breath still, but fighting her panic desperately. Taking stock of the situation to calm her mind.

She wasn’t hurt. Not even by his fingers. She wasn’t trapped; she still had full use of her arms. She wasn’t being called a filthy bitch or a worthless whore.

She wasn’t in the past.

Logic trickled through the cracks of her terror. Awareness filtered in like sunshine through fog.

Sean was lightly kissing her neck and rubbing himself along her sex. She was dry, and he must have registered that, because he was working at getting her lubed again. Two fingers were playing with her. It didn’t hurt.

She brought her hands away from her body. No one caught them and forced them back down. This was not the rape she’d been envisioning.

She opened her eyes.

Sean’s movements were still off, but he was still smoother than Paul had been even though Paul had never let his passion rise too high. Sean’s sexual prowess at the moment was rough and hasty, but no more than any man in the throes of passion. If she hadn’t known Sean the way she did, and hadn’t had a bag of her own extremely serious issues, she would’ve taken his lead and had some fantastic crazy sex.

She needed to talk him down.

That realization took a back seat as his penis was lined up with her opening and his body bent low over hers.

A new panic hit her. If they went through with sex, with both of them completely off the edge, they would never recover. It would ruin it forever for both of them.

Thinking fast, Krista shoved him as hard as he could. But when his blunt tip dipped in, barely cresting her outer folds, she threw caution to the wind, wound up, and slapped him full across the face, stopping his progress immediately.