Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2)(40)

He stared at her, hard. “Why are you asking me this?”

That wasn’t what she thought he would say. She thought he would say that it was none of her business, thank you very much. Or maybe answer the question. Or a joke, perhaps?

It was true, per their working agreement of staying out of each other’s sexual lives, created at their first meeting, she had crossed the line. But it wasn’t like she was tap-dancing across it or anything. She just barely stuck a toe over. It’s not like she was asking if he’d slept with the whole art department.

Still. She didn’t like that evil stare. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ask. Truly. I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. Uh...the meeting went--”

“Why are you asking?” he asked again, his eyes intense.

“I--it’s nothing. Just that some people were wondering why you leave at certain times, and why you look so tired. Stuff like that. Then I noticed you seem content, uh, relaxed. You know. But I didn’t mean to voice that thought. It is none of my business. Sorry. Let’s move on.” The hole she was digging for herself was nice and big. She could now just lie down and bury herself peacefully.

“Which people?”

“Honestly, Sean, it is no big deal. It isn’t anyone’s business. I didn’t mean to ask. I don’t even want to know. Can we just--can I just tell you about the meeting?”

“I thought you were over gossiping about me?”

“I was. Am. I didn’t seek it out. It was just--someone asked and I wondered, is all. It wasn’t a conversation or anything.”

“Why were they asking you?” now he was antagonistic.

She felt like he was backing her into a corner. She also felt tears come to her eyes.

Something tore apart in her chest and her breathing started to get labored. She couldn’t look at his focused, fervent eyes. She felt weak and vulnerable. She felt like the girl that Jim screwed over.

She was pretty sure this was over-the-top behavior, but she wasn’t quite sure she’d earned it by asking something as simple as if he was seeing someone. That wasn’t really top secret stuff.

Again, and they said women were irrational?

“Look, I’m sorry.” she wiped the tear from her eye. “We made a deal. Your sex life is none of my business. I had a moment of curiosity, and now I have regained my senses. If you wouldn’t mind, can we talk about work?”

Seeing her distraught, Sean backed off. He didn’t warm up, though.

Krista went through the meeting and the bluffs at the end. Through the whole thing Sean gave her a hard stare. By the end she wanted to curl up and die.

When Krista was finishing up his phone rang. He pushed divert after he read who it was, and then turned back to her, his eyes emerald ice. “Thank you. Do you have anything else?”

“No.”

He nodded. She was excused. Bad ending to a bad meeting.

That night, Krista grabbed her running garb and took to the beach. She pushed herself to the point of pain, desperately wanting to feel something other than heartache. She blacked out her mind and let the crashing of the waves carry her thoughts away.

It wasn’t until she found herself slowing down in front of Sean’s house that she realized she wanted to fix this thing that went wrong. She wanted to clear the air. They’d always had open communication, and she would use it now.

She found herself crossing the street in determination before she realized his blinds were open. And the light was on. And he was standing at the window looking out!

She just about dove behind a parked car to hide. Laughing at her own creep factor, she continued to cross the street, waiting for him to look down and notice her. Friendship and only friendship was better than this half-life she was living. She would bring up the issue about keeping her a secret and work out a compromise. There had to be a way.

When she was in the middle of the street, still looking up at him, he turned away. It took two more steps to realize he turned toward someone. One more revealed it was a woman. A pause and a jaw drop saw him kissing her.

She nearly choked on her heart. The pain was as terrifying as it was unexpected. They were laughing and talking and having a merry ol’ time. Krista, in the middle of the street, continued to stare. Apparently she didn’t actually think it was another woman earlier today; she’d thought his tiredness had some other explanation. Apparently she was a freaking moron!

Her heart imploded and her chest sunk in. A horn blared.

She about-faced, stared down the car as if she wasn’t stupidly standing in its way, and took herself back to the path. Her body already hurt a little, but when she started sprinting, it hurt all that much more.

The pain couldn’t compare with seeing Sean choose someone else.

Chapter Eleven

The next morning she woke up with a startling epiphany: She loved Sean.

All her efforts pushing him away didn’t matter. Her desire for self-preservation didn’t matter. Knowing what he was, how he acted with women, knowing that he would probably use her and leave her didn’t undo the fact that seeing him with someone else, happy with someone else, led to waking up this morning feeling like she couldn’t breathe. It felt like her chest was a gaping hole, pressure pushing out from the inside.

But it wasn’t fair of her to begrudge him happiness because of her unfulfilled feelings. She’d pushed him away, rejected him, said goodbye and dumped her past on him. Why wouldn’t he turn to someone else? And if Krista truly did love him, she’d need to be supportive of his happiness. No matter how much it sucked.