Overcoming Fear (Growing Pains #2)(12)

“I… That wasn’t…” Sean closed his eyes and steadied himself. “No, that is not why I wanted to get to know you better. That was a different situation.”

“Did you have sex with Monica?”

The second it was out of her mouth Krista regretted it. It wasn’t any of her business. His past sexual experiences and her past sexual experiences had nothing to do with each other. But she had to know. She needed to. Krista wasn’t any different than Monica; she wasn’t any more pretty or intelligent, she wasn’t any better at her job, and she was way, way under-experienced in the field of romantic game playing. There was absolutely no reason to believe that he would treat one any differently than the other. And as the other, she had to know the score.

Sean did take a step back, then. He looked at her a long time. She knew he didn’t want to go down this road. He didn’t want to admit it. She understood; there were things she wouldn’t want to admit, either. But she had to know.

He bowed his head, “Yes, I did.”

Krista let out a breath in a noisy exhale. She’d known that. Everybody had known that. Why did it hurt this much when he admitted it?

“I hadn’t intended to…” He was talking to his hands. When he looked up and met her eyes, unshed tears misting her vision, his body caved. “Beyond that it is not for a gentleman to say.”

“A gentleman, yes,” Krista said, turning so her back was leaning against the tree.“The night of the charity event, or before?”

“That night.”

So he played her, and then went home with someone else. It wasn’t news, but the pain of it still surprised her. She’d inadvertently let him in again, and he spit in her Cheerios. What was this, the third time?

“Krista—“

“No, Sean, you get mad that I call you a womanizer, but you wave that flag proudly. All the women crying in the bathroom, your latest conquest, where does it end? Tell me how I can trust you.”

“I thought you did trust me,” he said it in such a small voice that even though he didn’t deserve it, it squeezed her heart.

“And therein lies the issue. I trust the Sean who looks after his people. I trust the leader. I trust the guy who talks to me like a person. Who laughs with me like he would laugh with a friend. I trust him implicitly. But then there’s the other guy; the womanizer guy. That guy I do not trust. Not at all.”

“But don’t you see?” He was begging her to keep an open mind. “That other guy you are right not to trust. That is a façade. A mask I wear because women and men alike expect it of me. They seem to only see that guy, and women are drawn to taming him. That’s the guy Monica wanted. It’s the guy I let her seduce. Not my finest moment, but texting booty calls doesn’t make you a saint, either.”

It was a stab, but it was true. She wasn’t much better than him in that arena. She’d been stringing Paul along for a long damn time. Using him and knowing, deep down, that he wasn’t using her back.

“But what about all the crying women? Or the times I’ve caught…the morning after?” Why did it hurt so much? Was it because he picked all those women, but wouldn’t pick her?

Nope—it was because she was a damn fool, and had feelings for the a-hole. It was another truth she kept deep down. Another little monster she didn’t want to face.

“I am not a good guy with a lot of women, I confess. But I don’t use someone and discard them. Anymore. Monica used me.”

“Or Joanna from the Christmas party.”

Agony flashed across his face. “I didn’t know how to handle Joanna. I didn’t sleep with her. I made sure she got home all right, then I caught a cab. I tried to set the record straight, as it were, but no one wanted to listen to me. Or her, it seemed. But again, you hang me for it, but I’ve seen you the Monday after a one-night stand—you aren’t pure, either.”

“You point out two guys out of two,” Krista said, rallying her defense. “I am pointing out two of many. Texting a booty call had been a bad decision, I admit. But there were other factors at work there.” Like rejection.

“Krista—“ Sean sounded pained. “I didn’t reject you.”

“What?” There is absolutely no way she said that out loud. No way. Did I?

How goddamned embarrassing to have a freaking pity-party in front of the guy who pushed her to throw the party in the first place. And how disgusting for poor Paul to get dragged into it.

“I felt the attraction at that charity event,” Sean blew out a breath and shook his head. “Hard not to. Anytime near you, it’s hard not to. But… it was a company party.”

“And Monica was a member of the same company.”

“And Monica knew what she was getting into. If I had come on to you, you not only would have turned me down, you would have had everyone gossiping about it the next day. I haven’t worked wonders on your reputation so far, the last thing you would’ve needed is Monica having a reason to hate you, as well.”

“What have you had to do with my reputation?” Krista said slowly.

“Ray thinks that people won’t befriend you because you’ve caught my eye.”

“Everything wearing a skirt catches your eye.”

Sean put his back to the tree, sagging into the bark, “Ouch.”